Look who's back? [Mango Coconut Chia Pudding]

So, as you may have noticed the blog hasn't changed much.  None at all actually.
I had great high hopes of finding some awesome computer genius that could re-vamp my blog for me and I would come back to it with refreshed dreams and high hopes of being a "real" blogger.
But, that failed.  And I'm learning to be ok with that.

I missed blogging, but I didn't know if I would come back to it.  Sure, I liked it.  I love writing and trying new recipes, sharing them with friends and maybe even getting a little feedback but the part that made me want to stay away was the thought in my head that I just wasn't good enough.

I can't sew.

I can't take professional looking pictures.

I can't write that well.

I can't draw crappy comic strips to go along with hilarious stories.

I'm not a baby wearing, cloth diapering, all things crunchy guru.

I'm not the best at anything really and that fact was really starting to bum me out.  It's not good to compare yourself all the time because most of the time you're going to end up feeling pretty mediocre.

I try my best as a Mother but I'm not the gentlest or most patient and I never will be.  I apologize to my children daily.  I'm not the best homeschooler.  The best baker or cook or sister or friend.  I'm not the best blogger with the hippest looking blog and sponsors, I don't even know how to make a link?  Make a link, is that a thing?  And I'm an even worse wife when I compare myself to others.  I don't leave my husband love post-its on the fridge everyday.  I usually have a messy house and I struggle with letting my husband be the head of our household when sometimes I think things should be done a different way, sorry about that babe.

But I'm learning to take a step back.  What good does it do us to compare ourselves to others?  What do we get out of it except for a bruised ego and the feeling of not being enough.  What does that teach my children?  That they should never try for fear that they may never be the best?

And oh, is that ever true.  If you're constantly comparing yourself to someone else you'll never measure up.  And if I truly believe that this world is but a vapor there's really no use in comparing anyways.

I shouldn't try and measure myself with this world's measuring stick when God doesn't require that of me.  The knowledge I have through him is worth far more than any recognition, fame or money I can make in this life and that the Mother & Wife I want to be through God may not be the one the World thinks is the best.  I want to take pride in my accomplishments, at how far I have come and not look even further ahead to that woman I envy who seems to have it all together.  Who knows who she's comparing herself to?  And maybe the secret to her success is that she's not. 

Once I stop comparing myself, I might just give myself a little credit. 

Came across this recipe the other day and was pretty stoked.  I bought a Costco sized bag of Chia seeds and have been searching for ways to use them.  This "pudding" sounded delicious since it's Mango season here and the island is starting to heat up!

No dairy.  No soy.  No gluten. Vegan.

Could also easily be made nut free by replacing the almond milk with rice milk.

Also, try different variations!  I think next time Ill make this with chocolate almond milk, almonds & blueberries.  Yum.

Happy eating!

Mango Coconut Chia Pudding

1/2 cup Unsweetened Almond Milk

1/2 cup Lite Coconut Milk [the kind in the can]

4 tbs. Chia Seeds

2 tbs. Sweetened Shredded Coconut

1 mango, cut into cubes

2 tbs. Honey

1.  In a bowl whisk together both milks, honey and chia seeds.

2.  Stir in mango and coconut until throughly combined.

3.  Cover and refrigerate over night!

4.  Feel free to top with more fruit, honey, granola or whatever sounds good!  I put hemp seeds on top of mine for even more nutritional value.

Enjoy! 

The end is near. End of 2012 that is. [Blueberry Velvet Cake]

I can't believe Christmas is in 15 days.

I can't believe this year is almost over.  It has been a crazy, exciting, growing, hard and wonderful year all at once.  We got pregnant with our 4th child.  We took a 3 week long road trip to the Pacific Northwest.  We moved across the ocean to Hawaii, again.  We almost broke up.  But we didn't.

We had our 4th child.  We grew stronger.  The kids grew older.  We grew up a little more.

We continued homeschooling.  We fell in love all over again. We moved for the 6th time since we've been married.  We celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary.  I turned 28.  I let go of the past.  

I struggled to be the woman I want my daughters to be proud of.  I tried to learn patience.

I gave up on always being in control.  I baked, A LOT.  I prayed. 

 I missed old friends & made new ones.  

I laughed.  I laid on the beach while the kids played in the sand.  I hiked on a cliff overlooking the ocean.  I watched my children sleep.  I spent way too much money on Target & Starbucks.  I voted.

I stressed about everything.  I saw babies being born.  I had my first home birth.  I took pictures.

I wrapped presents.  I kissed my kids.  I forgave. 

[Gutierrez Family Christmas Card!  I'm pretty excited about it if you couldn't tell.]

This has been an exhausting, amazing year.  Parts of it I never thought I would make it through and I'm still amazed to see myself standing sometimes.  I know they say as you get older the faster time goes and I definitely get that now.  I can't believe it's been almost a year since we've been back in Hawaii.

Our house is finally starting to feel like our home, we've added another beautiful member to our family, I've gotten to experience things I never though I would.  Both good and bad.  Life is constantly changing and as much as that scares me sometimes I am just in awe. 

Where will we be a year from now?  What will God choose for us to do?  Will we listen?

I am constantly amazed by this journey of life and how it is always changing.
 I'm ready to live this life to the fullest and I can't wait to see what 2013 brings for us.  

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.

Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Now for the recipe!

This would be an awesome New Year's Eve cake.  It's just so pretty and definitely good for a special occasion.  I made it just cause I wanted to and ended up slowly eating the whole cake piece by piece because the kids refused to eat anything with actual fruit in it.  

And I wonder why I'm gaining weight?  Anyways......

Try it!  It's delicious and worth the work.

I didn't adapt this recipe at all and all of a sudden I'm dead tired.....

possibly cause it's 1 o'clock in the morning?  Eh. 

So, here is a link to this wonderful cake!  Enjoy.

http://www.iheartchocolatemilk.com/2012/06/07/blueberry-velvet-cake-with-cream-cheese-frosting/

Mommy needs a beer. For....Cheddar Beer Bread!

Ahh.....the lovely 6 weeks post partum mark.

When all of reality comes back to kick you in the neck and ask you,

"Why would you think another child is a good idea??!"

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my baby girl.  She is all that is good about babies, chunky, sweet, sleeps a lot, little dimpled smiles.  Sigh.  But oh yeah, the other three.

I am starting to feel delirious.  I thought before was bad.  Three kids and 8 months pregnant was chill!

Another diaper to change, another person to cloth before we leave the house.  Another person to please, and this little person is only pleased by one thing!  Boobies.  Which happen to be attached to me and make it near impossible to get anything else done.

[My idea of a good time!]

This isn't really supposed to be one of those pity me blogs, cause it's not.  I don't pity myself and in general I love my life, there's not much to pity.  I get to be with my kids all day, I get to go to school, drink Starbucks, go shopping at Target, eat dinner with my husband every night. I mean honestly I don't need much to be happy.  Or maybe it's the opposite?  

I don't need much, but I do need it to be my way.......

Anyways!  Life is hard right now, I'm not going to lie.  I feel like sometimes my blogs are TOO happy?

If that's a thing?  Or maybe that they're a little misleading.  You didn't REALLY think I had all my shit together did you?  Ha, I'm such a great illusionist.

I've also started following a bunch of people on Instagram that I don't know.  This might seem irrelevant but it's going somewhere, I promise.  I see all these beautiful Moms with platinum hair and red lips making their kids homemade bone broth and fresh squeezed orange juice popsicles [wtf?!] for lunch and it makes me feel grossly inadequate.  I know I shouldn't compare myself, and for a long time I was doing good on that one but lately I have just been feeling like I'm not enough.

[I did vote tho!  So that counts for something right? :]

I'm not a good enough Mother, I can't keep all four of my children quiet for an hour and a half church service while my husband plays music and I try to get someone to hold the babies while I go up and play drums.

I'm not a good enough Wife, I complain.  I nag.
I do things over because he didn't do them the way I would have.

I'm not a good enough friend, if you text me with a 911 message I might text you back.  Next week.

I'm not a good enough student, I do every assignment an hour before it's due so as I'm doing it there's an awesome red countdown system that makes me feel like I'm also going to pass out from anxiety.

I'm not patient enough.  I'm not soft enough.
I'm not ladylike enough.  I'm not thin enough.

I'm not crunchy enough.

The list could go on, but do I want it to?  

I need to come to understand that no, I will never be enough.  I will never be a perfect version of all those things because I will never be a perfect person.  But luckily I don't need to be.

My identity, although I'm working on it, should first and foremost be in God.  Which is why I think I've been thinking so much about how I'm not enough.  I have definitely not been faithful enough,  I haven't been praying enough, tithing enough, trying enough.

It is so easy to let God go, to fall from his grasp and to turn myself to the daily buzz of life.  Such a hard routine to get into, thinking about him everyday, praying, listening, making him a priority when my day feels like it can't possibly hold anymore. 

 I can feel myself slipping away, getting weaker, so I know what I need to do to not let this world get to me the way it has before and it's never too late to start again.

Luckily my God forgives and to Him I will always be enough.

And now of course, the food!
Made this Cheddar Beer Bread for Tulip's Baptism and it was a hit!
I love the edges where the cheese & butter meet and make delicious crispy heaven.  Yum.

Cheddar Beer Bread

3 cups AP Flour
2 tbs. Sugar
I tbs. Baking Powder
1 tsp. Salt
2 tbs. Honey
1 cup shredded Cheddar
1-12 oz. Bottle of Beer [I used Samuel Adams Pumpkin Harvest]
4-8 tbs. Butter [1/2-Whole Stick], melted.
*This depends on how buttery you want it, I used a whole stick and it was crazy good but REALLY buttery, I probably would do a half stick next time.

[1] In a stand mixer blend together all the dry ingredients.
[2] Using the dough hook add in your beer and honey and knead for 5 minutes or so. Add cheese and knead 1 more minute.
[3] Using a pastry brush pour half your melted butter into a loaf pan.  Make sure pan is completely greased.
[4] Pour dough into loaf pan & drizzle the rest of the butter on top.
[5] Bake for an hour at 350 degrees.  

Why I DON'T believe marriage should be illegal until age 25.

Woke up this morning having horrible round ligament pains, basically just a crappy pain in your stomach that you get when your pregnant.  And lucky for me, or not, the more pregnancies the worse they hurt and the more often you get them. 

So anyways.....I got out of bed long enough to make the Terrible Three waffles and crawled right back in to see if I could wait out the pain.  Surfing around on the iPad and I came across this article in The Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-nagy/why-i-believe-marriage-sh_b_1547156.html

The author tells about why she believes marriage should be illegal until the age of 25.

Basically, she got married when she was 24 because she felt like "it was thing thing to do" and at the age of 29 is now divorced.

Argh!  Are you kidding me?!  Usually I can blow off something like this or just rant to Andy about it but it just bothered me.  She continues to go on about how 20-25 is about finding yourself, and this is done apparently by drinking a lot and going to parties to put yourself in bad situations.  

I got married when I was 20.  Was I ready?  No.  Was it the smartest idea?  Probably not.  But I don't have a problem admitting that because there is no shame in WORKING HARD for something.  In the almost 8 years we have been married, and over 10 we have been together we have faced a lot of heartache.  We do not have a perfect relationship or claim to, and we are finding out more and more together how much we need to have God in our marriage to make it work.

If you focus on your wedding day more than your marriage that's probably not the best idea.  Our wedding day was NOT the best day of my life, I was stressed, pissed and being told by everyone else what I needed to do.  But to say drinking and partying is the way to finding yourself, which of course you do by the time you're 25, cause we all have our shit together by then right?  Is ridiculous.

I am still finding myself.  Learning to be the woman, wife & mother that God is calling me to be.

And for me, I need my husband there by my side.  If I had waited until 25 to get married I possibly would not be married to the man I  am today,  it is much easier to break a pinky promise than a sacrament.  There have been times when I have wanted to walk away, to give up and "find myself" but I know my identity is not IN my husband but WITH him. 

We both have so much to learn but I would never want to do it without him and without him I would not be the woman I am today.  

So go ahead and say marriage should be illegal until age 25, but age is not some magic number of getting all the partying out of your system, of growing up all of a sudden, of being able to make a commitment. Marriage is something that is work, a constant evolving, sacrifice, compromise and commitment to love even when you don't feel like you can.  And there is no age you can place on that.

[Our wedding day.  11.20.2004]