My Love Life Play List & Gluten Free Black Bean Brownies

Music has always been a huge part of my life.  

When I was in the 3rd grade I wrote a paper about how awesome it would be to meet Ace of Base. 

I used to create my own dance moves to whatever CDs my Dad had, usually a nice combo of Mariah Carey, Boston and Steven Curtis Chapman.  I
I'm married to a man that is a walking musical instrument.

I can memorize lyrics pretty easily and then I never forget them.

I just rapped all of Big Willy Style the other day when it came on the radio.  Be jealous.

So, last week when my teacher asked us to present a music video with a song that described a part of our love life I was pretty excited.  But it was SO hard to choose.  I chose a song for class and kept thinking of all the other ones that I really wanted to pick instead.  And now I present you with.....

Nicole's Love Life Play List

[enjoy.]

1.  Take My Breath Away- Berlin 

This is actually the first song Andy and I ever slow danced to.  I had the Top Gun record, yes record, we played it in my garage and danced away.  Aww.

2.  Soco Amaretto Lime- Brand New

Classic young love song.  About escaping your home town and falling in love.

3.  Hands Down- Dashboard Confessional

Thinking about this stuff now is making me feel like high school was over a decade ago.....which I guess it is. 

4. Teenage Love Affair- Alicia Keys

It's pretty amazing to fall in love as teenagers and be able to grow up together.  Not that it's always easy but the love I have for my husband now is a thousand times more than what we had as kids.

5. Only in Dreams- Weezer

We named our first son Jonas after a Weezer song, we're music nerds so definitely gotta have one of our first favorites.  This was almost our wedding song until we decided it was too long to dance in front of a bunch of people to.

6.  Under the Streelights- Alkaline TrioThere are just parts of your life that you have certain CDs that were your soundtrack.  This reminds me of going to watch Andy's band play at house shows in high school. 

7. I'll Catch You- The Get Up Kids

This was our wedding song.  A sweet song and fitting for two 20 year olds that got engaged and then married in three months.

8. I Never- Rilo Kiley
Just one of those, I'll never be loved but than you came along type songs.  Rilo Kiley in general is awesome. 

9. Right Thru Me- Nikki Minaj

This song just reminds me so much of me.  I've never been a very open person and it took awhile for me to believe that someone could love me just as I was.

10. Cemetery- Say Anything

Just a beautiful song.   My husband has saved me many times.  I love him so. 

11. Bless This Mess- David Bazan

Such a sad but true song.  My side tattoo is based off of this song.  I kind of think we're all messes.  God bless us.

12. How He Loves- David Crowder Band

It took me a long time but I finally understand REAL love.  Not from any man, as much as I love my husband, but perfect love that we can only get from God.

13.  I Will Follow You Into the Dark- Death Cab for Cutie

Kinda morbid but I can't help but have a slight panic attack thinking about one of us dying.  This was the last concert we went to when I was 8 months pregnant with Tulip.

14. I Will Wait- Mumford and Sons

The song I presented for my class.  Love is work sometimes.  Love is forgiveness.

15. God Gave Me You- Blake Shelton

Sappy, yes.  Cheesy, maybe.  But true.  My husband is my biggest supporter, my strength when I am weak and I truly believe he is a gift from God.

I feel like I don't stop this now I'll never stop it.  We're going to have a vow renewal ceremony next Fall and first item on my agenda is music playlists. 

Recipe time!

I made these brownies for a Peaceful Parenting Network park play-date we went to last week.  I have friends that are gluten-free and wanted to bring something everyone could eat but didn't have any special flours or anything in the house.  I found this recipe and was pretty excited!  They are definitely a fudge type brownie, they don't rise much at all and I didn't love the texture but all of the kids loved them and that was my goal.  Plus they are so easy it's a great recipe to try out.  You can add nuts or chocolate chips if you like, my chocolate wasn't gluten free so I decided not to.

Gluten Free Black Bean Brownies

1 15 oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed well

2 eggs

1/3 cup Cocoa Powder

3/4 cup honey

1 T Vanilla

2 T Coconut Oil

1/2 tsp. Salt

1.  Dump all ingredients into a blender or food processor, except chocolate chips or nuts if you're using them, and blend until smooth.

2.  Pour mixture into a greased 8x8 pan.

3. Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees!

4.  Let cool and enjoy.  

The end is near. End of 2012 that is. [Blueberry Velvet Cake]

I can't believe Christmas is in 15 days.

I can't believe this year is almost over.  It has been a crazy, exciting, growing, hard and wonderful year all at once.  We got pregnant with our 4th child.  We took a 3 week long road trip to the Pacific Northwest.  We moved across the ocean to Hawaii, again.  We almost broke up.  But we didn't.

We had our 4th child.  We grew stronger.  The kids grew older.  We grew up a little more.

We continued homeschooling.  We fell in love all over again. We moved for the 6th time since we've been married.  We celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary.  I turned 28.  I let go of the past.  

I struggled to be the woman I want my daughters to be proud of.  I tried to learn patience.

I gave up on always being in control.  I baked, A LOT.  I prayed. 

 I missed old friends & made new ones.  

I laughed.  I laid on the beach while the kids played in the sand.  I hiked on a cliff overlooking the ocean.  I watched my children sleep.  I spent way too much money on Target & Starbucks.  I voted.

I stressed about everything.  I saw babies being born.  I had my first home birth.  I took pictures.

I wrapped presents.  I kissed my kids.  I forgave. 

[Gutierrez Family Christmas Card!  I'm pretty excited about it if you couldn't tell.]

This has been an exhausting, amazing year.  Parts of it I never thought I would make it through and I'm still amazed to see myself standing sometimes.  I know they say as you get older the faster time goes and I definitely get that now.  I can't believe it's been almost a year since we've been back in Hawaii.

Our house is finally starting to feel like our home, we've added another beautiful member to our family, I've gotten to experience things I never though I would.  Both good and bad.  Life is constantly changing and as much as that scares me sometimes I am just in awe. 

Where will we be a year from now?  What will God choose for us to do?  Will we listen?

I am constantly amazed by this journey of life and how it is always changing.
 I'm ready to live this life to the fullest and I can't wait to see what 2013 brings for us.  

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.

Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Now for the recipe!

This would be an awesome New Year's Eve cake.  It's just so pretty and definitely good for a special occasion.  I made it just cause I wanted to and ended up slowly eating the whole cake piece by piece because the kids refused to eat anything with actual fruit in it.  

And I wonder why I'm gaining weight?  Anyways......

Try it!  It's delicious and worth the work.

I didn't adapt this recipe at all and all of a sudden I'm dead tired.....

possibly cause it's 1 o'clock in the morning?  Eh. 

So, here is a link to this wonderful cake!  Enjoy.

http://www.iheartchocolatemilk.com/2012/06/07/blueberry-velvet-cake-with-cream-cheese-frosting/

Rants, Raves & Peanut Butter Quinoa Cookies.

Holy crap, I don't know how it happens but I swear every time someone posts an article from Huffington Post its always some asshole that talks about how they're not going to tell people what to do, but then there they go and tell you what to do. 

The last article I read, I also blogged about when I was a fledgling blogger, oh....about 4 months ago.  It was a woman ranting why marriage under the age of 25 is stupid, she got a divorce, we're all basically the same, blah blah blah.   So I already thought "Yippee!" [in my most sarcastic tone], when I see this article going around lately.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nicola-kraus/detachment-parenting-sears_b_1852579.html

It's another woman talking about how AWESOME she is a parent and how easy it is for her daughter to go to sleep.  All the awesome sleeping & screwing she does and once again, why her way is the best.

I honestly don't know why I let these things get to me.  

First off, I am not an attachment parent.  I won't label myself in anyway cause if I do, I'll fall short.  I already know it.  I REALLY don't like being told what to do, whether by some random blogger on the internet or Dr. Sears, I'm sorry but each family works differently.  I personally don't feel like some random guidelines are going to work well for each child and unlike the writer of this article I have 3, soon to be 4, not 1 that magically did everything I wished. 

[I couldn't think of any clever things to put with this blog so I'll just entertain you with my awesome Instagram pictures.  Here's one of a double rainbow I took the other day!]

I guess in any article of this nature the thing that bothers me is her righteous attitude about what fools attachment parents are.  Like I said, I am not an attachment parent, but please, if I have the choice lump me in with the lovers cause detachment parenting just sounds cruel.  Being proud of how you teach your child to self-soothe from the day their born to poking fun at Mayim Byalik breastfeeding until the age of 4 doesn't make you seem better.  It makes you seem rude.  It makes me think your children will grow up with the same attitude of superiority complex that you have. 

Yes, I breastfeed my children until one of us is ready to stop.

At almost 39 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old that time might come sooner rather than later. 

But guess what?  My marriage doesn't suffer from that.

Yes, I wear my children.  But surprise!  I put them in strollers and other dangerous contraptions too.

To say you know my marriage because you might have some idea of how I raise my children is wrong.

My husband and I put each other first FOR our children. 

That doesn't mean we don't get kicked in the back when one of the kids decides to get into our bed at night, or that we're not sometimes sleep deprived, I've been sleep deprived since I was 17 so really that's just a joke.  I've just traded in Halo marathon playing sessions with trying to get toddlers with night terrors back to sleep.  Same, same right? 

[Me at my maternity photo shoot last weekend at 38 weeks pregnant. 

 See?  I do love my self more than my kids. ;)] 

I'm not saying she's wrong.  For her family she might be right. 

But I would love to see if her own advice works for her 5 years & 2 more children from now. 

Any who!  On to food!

My midwife told me to drink more water & eat more protein to get ready for this impending, 

seriously could be anyway [ahh!] birth.  I wasn't digging the meat and I made Andy some quinoa salad and had been wanting to try this recipe.  These came out pretty decently although I have gotten tips to use a little more Peanut Butter or Maple Syrup which I definitely recommend.  These could be vegan too if you get vegan chocolate chips and peanut butter?  Is peanut butter already vegan?  Hmm.

Peanut Butter Quinoa Cookies

2 cups cooked Quinoa

1/2 cup Peanut Butter [I used smooth]

3 tbs. Pure Maple Syrup

3/4 cup rolled Oats

1/2 cup chocolate chips

[1] In a bowl mix together all ingredients until throughly combined.

[2] Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

[3] If you want chocolate-y looking cookies mix chocolate chips in while quinoa is warm,

mine are more studded with chocolate chips cause I used cold quinoa.  Either way is fine and tasty.

[4] Using a tablespoon pack the tablespoon tightly and drop cookies onto parchment paper. 

You can put these cookies as close as you want to each other, they won't spread at all. 

[5] Bake for 20 minutes and enjoy! We ate a whole pan of these in one day. Oops. 

Happy Father's Day! [Sunday Slow Cooker Stew Recipe]

Had a great time celebrating Andy's 5th Father's Day this year!

At least I thought it was great, I hope he agrees.  

5 years & 3, soon to be 4 kids later he still amazes me with what a great Father he is.  

How much he loves his kids, the time he is willing to invest him in and how much he continues to grow  as a Dad.  Without his support, open mind and love I could not be the Mother I am.

The kids and I caved in and gave him all his Father's Day presents on Saturday night cause none of us are very good at surprises and Sunday mornings are usually a blur of papers, dresses & coffee in an attempt to get ready for church on time each week.

Besides a card the kids picked out we put together a deck of cards Reasons We Love You project that we found on Pinterest.  This one was hard for me because as much as I like cooking & birthing babies anything requiring precision on the computer only ends up in me being pissed off.  So I did my best, trying to remember the whole time that Andy would not want me to be stressing out over something for him.

We spent his actual Father's Day at church & then at the last day of our marriage retreat in Kalihi.

Came home to stew just finishing up in the slow cooker, I baked him an Apple Bundt cake & after the kids were in bed we snuggled up and watched The Grey.  

I could never do enough to show this man how much I love and appreciate everything he does for our family, so I just hope it is enough to tell him every chance we get. 

His surprise!  I was so excited to get these for him cause he never spends money on himself and Death Cab is one of his favorite bands.  So exciting that they are playing a new small venue here in Hawaii too, it will probably be our last big date night before Miss Tulip arrives! <3

[Father's Day 2012 Kalihi Valley.  Dad w/his homemade leis on. :]

Despite the looks on their faces they really do love their Dad!  

Or as Jonas would say "I like you really, really much!"

[I love this man.]

Papa Andy's Sunday Stew

1 lb. rump or chuck roast

5-10 red potatoes

4 carrots

1 yellow onion

1 can stewed Italian tomatoes

1/2 cup red wine

1/2 cup water

Salt & Pepper to Taste

1 tsp. cumin

1 tsp. smoked paprika

1 tsp. garlic powder

2 tbs. corn starch

[1] Halve or Quarter red potatoes depending on their size, place on bottom of crock pot.

[2] Peel & cut carrots into fourths, add to potatoes.

[3] Peel & cut onion into thick slices, place on top of potatoes and carrots.

[4] Sprinkle seasoning on top of veggies, everything except corn starch.

[5] Add can of tomatoes & red wine.

[6] Place meat on top of everything, this is how to get a little crust on the meat which I like.

[7] Pour water on top.

[8] Cook on high for 5 hours or low for 8.

[9] When stew is done cooking mix cornstarch with 2 tbs. of water, then add to stew pot to thicken juices.

[10] If you're doing this true Papa Andy style serve with white rice & soy sauce!  Yummy!

....So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.....

Why I DON'T believe marriage should be illegal until age 25.

Woke up this morning having horrible round ligament pains, basically just a crappy pain in your stomach that you get when your pregnant.  And lucky for me, or not, the more pregnancies the worse they hurt and the more often you get them. 

So anyways.....I got out of bed long enough to make the Terrible Three waffles and crawled right back in to see if I could wait out the pain.  Surfing around on the iPad and I came across this article in The Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-nagy/why-i-believe-marriage-sh_b_1547156.html

The author tells about why she believes marriage should be illegal until the age of 25.

Basically, she got married when she was 24 because she felt like "it was thing thing to do" and at the age of 29 is now divorced.

Argh!  Are you kidding me?!  Usually I can blow off something like this or just rant to Andy about it but it just bothered me.  She continues to go on about how 20-25 is about finding yourself, and this is done apparently by drinking a lot and going to parties to put yourself in bad situations.  

I got married when I was 20.  Was I ready?  No.  Was it the smartest idea?  Probably not.  But I don't have a problem admitting that because there is no shame in WORKING HARD for something.  In the almost 8 years we have been married, and over 10 we have been together we have faced a lot of heartache.  We do not have a perfect relationship or claim to, and we are finding out more and more together how much we need to have God in our marriage to make it work.

If you focus on your wedding day more than your marriage that's probably not the best idea.  Our wedding day was NOT the best day of my life, I was stressed, pissed and being told by everyone else what I needed to do.  But to say drinking and partying is the way to finding yourself, which of course you do by the time you're 25, cause we all have our shit together by then right?  Is ridiculous.

I am still finding myself.  Learning to be the woman, wife & mother that God is calling me to be.

And for me, I need my husband there by my side.  If I had waited until 25 to get married I possibly would not be married to the man I  am today,  it is much easier to break a pinky promise than a sacrament.  There have been times when I have wanted to walk away, to give up and "find myself" but I know my identity is not IN my husband but WITH him. 

We both have so much to learn but I would never want to do it without him and without him I would not be the woman I am today.  

So go ahead and say marriage should be illegal until age 25, but age is not some magic number of getting all the partying out of your system, of growing up all of a sudden, of being able to make a commitment. Marriage is something that is work, a constant evolving, sacrifice, compromise and commitment to love even when you don't feel like you can.  And there is no age you can place on that.

[Our wedding day.  11.20.2004]

Everything's going great! Now what?

 Hooray for good news!

Andy got hired at another job that he interviewed for last weekend.  His current job is full time in Honolulu as a delivery driver for a small gelato company.  While this was great, he already has a full time job as the praise leader of our church.  And like before, his work became his life, not through his own choosing but the days were long, the commute longer [3 hours round trip, a day] and our family began to come in second again.  This new job is part time and only 15 minutes away!  It's amazing to see God answer prayers, and I think we are finally learning how to just give up on things we can't control and trust in him to do the right things for our family.  True, we will be making a lot less money but we can deal with that.  Time is of the essence for us, money is not.

Second great piece of news we received yesterday is that we got accepted into the Keiki O' Kaina marriage course!  It's a great government funded program that they are starting here in Hawaii.  We have orientation this Saturday to hear what it is all about but in a few weeks we get to go to a weekend long marriage retreat, than 9 weekly classes and after that we will have a celebration ceremony in the beginning of September, just a month before Tulip is due!

The course includes child care and they also serve gourmet dinners weekly to you & your spouse while you discuss things you learned during the course.  All for free.  Pretty sweet deal.

We have been so blessed to be given these opportunities to work on a marriage during a time when we really can use it, although honestly marriages to me are always a work in progress.

Now if your like me, which I'm starting to think isn't that weird anymore.  Anytime something good happens, or if too many good things are happening you're just waiting for the second
 it will all go wrong.

Life isn't like that, right?  Good things don't come to those who wait.

Good things don't come to those who believe, who pray, who have faith.

Right?  Maybe not.

I have always been a believer of life sucks.  I'm not one of those lucky girls that's naturally skinny, somehow gets an inheritance from an unknown dead relative,
or wins a car in a grocery store drawing.

But maybe that's my problem, maybe I need to BELIEVE I am that girl.

I have more in this life than I could ever dream of.  Healthy children, a loving husband, a mission field in Hawaii, all the coffee I can drink, an iPad....

Seriously, I AM a lucky girl.  

I think it's something I have to learn to change about myself.  We will get nowhere in this world and never be happy if we're not willing to give our lives over to God and trust that his plan is the right one for us.  Yes, there will be hard times, we live in a sinful human world.  But sometimes, sometimes there will be good times, even great times and I intend to enjoy those times.

To be at peace with what God has given me, and it's ok to know there will be more waves in the ocean but for now it's smooth sailing.  My ship is on course as long as I am in his will.

So I am choosing to be merry!  To not wait anymore for the bad to come, but to be grateful and thankful for all that is given to me today.