The end is near. End of 2012 that is. [Blueberry Velvet Cake]

I can't believe Christmas is in 15 days.

I can't believe this year is almost over.  It has been a crazy, exciting, growing, hard and wonderful year all at once.  We got pregnant with our 4th child.  We took a 3 week long road trip to the Pacific Northwest.  We moved across the ocean to Hawaii, again.  We almost broke up.  But we didn't.

We had our 4th child.  We grew stronger.  The kids grew older.  We grew up a little more.

We continued homeschooling.  We fell in love all over again. We moved for the 6th time since we've been married.  We celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary.  I turned 28.  I let go of the past.  

I struggled to be the woman I want my daughters to be proud of.  I tried to learn patience.

I gave up on always being in control.  I baked, A LOT.  I prayed. 

 I missed old friends & made new ones.  

I laughed.  I laid on the beach while the kids played in the sand.  I hiked on a cliff overlooking the ocean.  I watched my children sleep.  I spent way too much money on Target & Starbucks.  I voted.

I stressed about everything.  I saw babies being born.  I had my first home birth.  I took pictures.

I wrapped presents.  I kissed my kids.  I forgave. 

[Gutierrez Family Christmas Card!  I'm pretty excited about it if you couldn't tell.]

This has been an exhausting, amazing year.  Parts of it I never thought I would make it through and I'm still amazed to see myself standing sometimes.  I know they say as you get older the faster time goes and I definitely get that now.  I can't believe it's been almost a year since we've been back in Hawaii.

Our house is finally starting to feel like our home, we've added another beautiful member to our family, I've gotten to experience things I never though I would.  Both good and bad.  Life is constantly changing and as much as that scares me sometimes I am just in awe. 

Where will we be a year from now?  What will God choose for us to do?  Will we listen?

I am constantly amazed by this journey of life and how it is always changing.
 I'm ready to live this life to the fullest and I can't wait to see what 2013 brings for us.  

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.

Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Now for the recipe!

This would be an awesome New Year's Eve cake.  It's just so pretty and definitely good for a special occasion.  I made it just cause I wanted to and ended up slowly eating the whole cake piece by piece because the kids refused to eat anything with actual fruit in it.  

And I wonder why I'm gaining weight?  Anyways......

Try it!  It's delicious and worth the work.

I didn't adapt this recipe at all and all of a sudden I'm dead tired.....

possibly cause it's 1 o'clock in the morning?  Eh. 

So, here is a link to this wonderful cake!  Enjoy.

http://www.iheartchocolatemilk.com/2012/06/07/blueberry-velvet-cake-with-cream-cheese-frosting/

The Birth of Tulip Bea.

Oh my little Tulip Bea.  

This is my hardest birth story to writet by far, because I just don't know where to begin?

I guess I'll start from what I consider the beginning of labor.  

For at least a few weeks before she was born I started getting pretty consistent contractions.  I would have them for 10 hours straight about 10 minutes apart and then I would just go to sleep or take a shower and they would stop.  The contractions weren't painful, just uncomfortable at the most because I could definitely feel them happening.  

On September 26th I had a midwife appt. and at this point had already been having pretty regular contractions on and off.  My beautiful, awesome, amazing midwife, Selena, checked me and let me know I probably had at least another week.  Not exactly what I wanted to hear but I was ok with it.

For the next week anytime I started having contractions I would do anything I could to get them to turn into "real" labor.  Walking up and down flights of stairs, rubbing my belly with Clary Sage oil, bouncing on my birthing ball, etc. etc.

[One of my last belly pictures.  Obviously things weren't too intense at this point.]

Wednesday the 3rd we went back for another check up and I was 4 cm dilated!  Woo!

I was amazed because with all my other labors I didn't dilate until I was in active labor.  But at this point I still hadn't felt much.  I was 4 cm, 70% effaced and baby was at 0 station.  Hanging out waiting to drop.  Selena let me go home but told me to keep checking in and come back if my water broke because her home in Makaha is about 40 minutes away without traffic, at least an hour and thirty during rush hour and as a 4th time Mom labor could come on quicker than I might expect.  She also did a cervical massage and had me drink Black/Blue Cohosh in attempts to get the contractions going.

Note: Black & Blue Cohosh is disgusting!

Went back home and had another 7-8 hours of contractions.  They still weren't painful so I decided to try and sleep in case labor started soon.  Woke up through the night, lost my mucus plug and then nothing.  The next morning Selena wanted me to come back just in case again.

I took my 2nd Human Development test [got a B!] packed up the car, left the kids with my Stepmom and we headed back to Makaha.  With of course a quick stop at Target to shop and pick up ingredients for Sinigang Soup.

We got to Makaha around 2:30 and she checked me again, 

I was 90% effaced, baby at +1 & 9 cm dilated! 

And then the wait began.  More waiting.  After a check 6 hours later nothing had changed and I still wasn't feeling any pain.  Andy & I walked down to the Turtle Cove and relaxed, checked out the tide pools, messed around with some turtles and hermit crabs and then headed back to the house.

At this point Selena wanted me to stay and I agreed, I was close enough [I hoped!] that going back to Waipahu wasn't a good idea.  More cervical massage, walked up and down the stairs, bounced on the ball, MORE Black & Blue Cohosh, and Andy cooked a big pot of Sinigang Soup for everyone to share.

[Laboring by the sea at the Turtle Cove behind my midwife's house.]

Finally around 10pm I gave in again and decided just to rest.  I had gotten in and out of the birthing tub a few times to try it out but because labor was taking so long it kept cooling down to a lukewarm, icky feeling [to me] temperature so I didn't like it as much as I was anticipating.

Fell asleep and woke up around 1:30 when Grace, my midwife asst./doula, was doing some fetal heart checks.  Started feeling contractions a little at this point and they seemed like they MIGHT be getting stronger so I decided to stay awake and see what happened.  

Took a hot bath, which made my contractions stop completely so I got out.  Around 3:30am I FINALLY started feeling them!  At this point I was so tired of waiting and wondering and somehow even doubting that this baby would ever come out that I was glad to be feeling something! 

Around 4:30 the contractions started getting to the unbearable point and I asked to be checked so I could gauge how much time I thought I might have left.  Surprise, it was time to push!  Heck yeah.

The first few pushes felt awesome as opposed to the pain of contractions but for some reason the contractions after that were excruciating.  At this point I was super tired after 3 days of not much sleep and despite me thinking I would want to be in the tub or in a different position the most comfortable thing for me was laying down propped up on pillows.

[Our newest squishy.  Sweetheart Tulip Bea. <3]

My midwife was super calming and gentle and I had a great support system with Grace and Andy reassuring me that I could do it when I was literally screaming that I couldn't do it anymore.

I pushed opposite of my contractions for awhile because it was the only thing I could do and I pushed when I felt like it, I got to watch in the mirror and could see Tulip making her way down.

At this point my water still hadn't broken and we were wondering if we might get one of those cool babies born in the caul.  The next contraction I was able to push with and my water bag popped and Andy & Selena were quick enough to jump out of the way!

A few pushes after that she was crowning and I could definitely feel this little girl had a big head!  

Selena tried to slow me down but at this point I wasn't in the mood to listen to anybody and pushed anyways.  Tulip came out with her hand next to her face [nuchal hand] which I have now researched can "cause intense pain."  Sounds about right.  

Born right into her Daddy's arms. <3

[Just born. <3]

She was born at 5:19am on October 5th, 2012.

8 lbs. 2 oz. 18 inches long.

Our little pumpkin.  Our shortest and chubbiest baby yet!

I don't know if your labor and birth have anything to do with a baby's personality but Tulip Bea is definitely a sweetheart.  She had a gentle slow calm journey into this world and is such a peaceful baby.

Her name definitely suits her, she is our Forgiveness baby, reminding us we all need forgiveness.

Bea means blessed & she who brings happiness.  She is such a blessing to us and I cannot stop kissing her fat little cheeks.

I am so thankful for the way she was brought into this world, that I had such a safe and comforting place to give birth.  That I had such supportive people with me for the end of this pregnancy journey and I'm still just amazed at all of it. 

What to bring to the home birth away from home. [Nutella Cookie Crisps!]

With my impending labor coming any day now, really ANY DAY.  Hopefully.  I pray.

I was browsing Pinterest and as much as I love that site, like super love it, as I'm sure most of you can tell sometimes the things I see are just ridiculous?  

Or maybe just ridiculous to me.  Like one pin was 100 Toddler Meals!

Goldfish crackers & cut up hot dogs?  Wow, thanks for the tips Pinterest.  But I'll pass.

So I thought what would be a helpful list for me?  I know I have a certain niche I'm looking for and couldn't find it and blog material has been weak lately so I decided to post a list of what I'm bringing for my home birth away from home. 

Also a little side plug and because as always I'm not actually sure where I'm going with any of this, if you are at all interested in home birth 

watch the first 15 minutes of Jim Gaffigan's Mr. Universe stand-up.

hi.la.rious.  

Ask my husband, he had to listen to me busting up for an hour and a half.  

[Note to self!!!]

Note: I haven't actually had this birth yet so some of these things might be unnecessary, pretty much the same as when you pack a hospital bag and never end up using the yoga mat and birthing ball cause they won't let you get out of bed.  Hmm. 

So first things first! 

Baby stuff:

Car Seat

 [As hippie as we may be we still believe in safety, 

can't wear the baby in a Moby wrap home unfortunately.]

My Mom sent us this cool thing called a Pattem, which is basically like a big round changing pad that you unfold and it has small pockets all around for the baby's stuff.  It's kind of amazing when you breastfeed what a small amount of stuff a newborn really needs besides Mommy!

So in her Pattem is:  2 cloth G-Diapers in XS, 4 diaper inserts, 8 cloth wipes, her little Bee coming home outfit, 2 headband bows [cause I can't resist] Yellow & White, in case she's born with crazy amounts of hair like her big sister! Monogrammed wet bag, cause she's fancy, && a muslin swaddling blanket! 

[The Pattem!]

We will probably only be at the midwife's house for about 4 hours or so after birth so this should be plenty!  I think.....I hope.  Like I said I've never done this before so I'm getting kinda Type A on myself thinking everything is going to go wrong last minute.  Ack. 

Now for the Mommy bag!

. 1 package Chucks Pads [birth is a messy ordeal!]

.1 package giant size pads. [so fun!]

.brush [Just cause I like my hair to be brushed. Haha.]

.Bathing Suit

.Sarong

.Camera w/charged battery & camera card

.Comfy outfit to wear home

.Peri Bottle

.Gum

.Chapstick

.Massage Oil & Cream

.Lavender, Wild Orange & Clary Sage Essential Oils

.Contacts & Solution [I have a feeling my glasses will drive me nuts if I end up doing water birth]

.Emergen-C & Calcium w/Magnesium Pills to make Labor-Aid

.Toothbrush

So that's it!  Still sounds like a lot and I guess it is but my midwife has all the fun stuff at her house like the birthing tub, birthing ball, etc.  I really can't wait for this little girl to get here and even to get to experience giving birth again, especially in such a different way than my first 3.

Hopefully the next blog I write is about the birth of  Tulip Bea!

Even 40+ weeks pregnant I still have cravings.  Honestly, I have cravings pregnant or not.  At least I like to call them cravings, everyone else seems to just think I'm picky.  But anyways, I have been wanting CHOCOLATE.  Mmm.  After much searching for things in the pantry I found all the stuff I needed for these guys, and chocolatey they were! 

Nutella Cookie Crisps

1/2 cup Nutella

1/2 cup Brown Sugar

1/2 cup chocolate chips

1/2 beaten egg [Weird I know but I cut the original recipe in half.]

1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda

3 tbs. Flour

[1] Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

[2] Mix all ingredients except chocolate chips together.

[3] Gently fold in chocolate chips.

[4] Drop tablespoons of dough onto parchment paper, about 3 inches apart.

These WILL spread!

[5] Bake about 9 minutes, watch them!  

Let cool and enjoy!

They come out kinda soft & chewy in the middle and crunchy on the edges.

Addicting and chocolate overload, for sure eat these with milk!

I also recommend eating them the day of cause if they sit they'll get soft, 

which you might like but I liked them crispier. 

And just so I don't bag on Pinterest too much, forgive me Pinterest! 

I also got this super cool idea the other day and had to do it although Tulip will most likely not be eating anything for at least 9 months!  

[Hook for baby bibs on the back of your high chair!]

      I love projects that require me only to buy 1 thing, for less than $5 that I can do myself without nagging Andy to get out the drill or something.                             

The Big 5-0! [60 Second Maple Brussel Sprouts]

I can't believe it!

This is already my 50th post. 

My brain is just all over the place right now that I don't even know where to begin or what to say.

  Life has been incredibly hectic lately.  I'm 37 weeks pregnant now, back in college for the first time in 8 years with my first test fast approaching.

I'm doula-ing for 2 Moms, one in the hospital right now actually and 1 being induced in the morning.

Last night I woke up at 3am drove to Mililani to pick up my friend and took her to Kaiser because her husband couldn't be there until later.  When us two VERY pregnant ladies walked into the ER I think the security guard had a mini panic attack. 

Friday, my Dad & Stepmom leave for Alaska and we will be baby-sitting my 7 younger brothers and sisters for 10 days.  Besides all that throw in Christmas Choir, home schooling co-ops, Healthy Marriages mentor program training, 3 kids and the list goes on.

Thank God for my husband.

Without him I would lose my shit daily instead of weekly. ;)

Although this blog doesn't seem to be headed this way I guess what I am TRYING to say is that I am grateful.  I am joyful.  At this point I don't know if I can say I'm too blessed to be stressed but I know it should be true.

And I am amazed.  I always read stories in the Bible or was told by Grandmothers & Sunday School teachers that "God answers prayers."  Sure he does.  Just not mine, right?

I realize this already isn't a Christian way of thinking, but I never said I was perfect.

I am human, I doubt, I don't trust, even in my God.  

Every night and day I would write in my prayer journal or say prayers with Andy regarding Tulip's birth.  I really didn't want to birth in a hospital this time, I got my hippie heart set on a home birth but of course since insurance wouldn't cover it it just didn't seem likely.  It bothered me, I didn't know what to do and honestly we couldn't really do anything but pray.  For God to show us what is right for our family.  And even at 36 weeks I wasn't really panicking that really, we had nothing figured out.

Then one of the Moms I met at the Birth Rally last week messaged me.  She told me I should message a midwife in Makaha who ran a birthing home.  So I did.  And God answered our prayers.

I met with her for the first time last week and she was just so kind and open to us.  She literally JUST opened her birth home a few weeks ago after moving from San Francisco.  Bay area represent!

If all goes well I will be the first person to deliver there.  She's already teaching me a little midwife stuff and finally at 37 weeks pregnant I feel ready for this little girl!

[The Turtle Cove behind my Midwife's house that I get to labor at.]

So now I get to be one of those people that walks around and says "God answers prayers" 

and even better, I actually believe it. <3

And now for food!  

Brussel Sprouts are one of my favorite veggies and my Midwife even told me I needed to eat more! 

So I'm trying.  It helps when I cook yummy things and even better if they're fast, easy, & tasty.

60 Second Maple Brussel Sprouts

Brussel Sprouts

Maple Syrup

Salt 

Pepper

Olive Oil

[1] Cut the stems off your brussel sprouts and thinly slice.

[2] In a pan over medium high heat, add olive oil.

[3] Add your brussel sprouts and season with salt & pepper to taste.

[4] Cook about 60 seconds until sprouts are just wilted and soft.  

[5] Add 1 tbs. of Maple Syrup and done!

This is a super easy recipe to adjust bigger or smaller, that's why I didn't do too many measurements.

I only made about 1/2 lb. so I added less than a tbs. of Maple Syrup.  

Like anything in cooking, taste as you go! 

When you know better, you do better. [Pumpkin Angel Food Cake w/Salted Caramel Glaze]

I am officially tired.  I feel horrible for even saying this but I am so done with this pregnancy.

Part of me is trying to cherish every last part, to remind myself this is PROBABLY my last baby and enjoy all the wonderful things that come with being pregnant.  Feeling her kick, how womanly I feel, getting away with wearing a bikini when there is no way in hell I would wear one otherwise.

[36 weeks, last Saturday at Haliewa Alii Beach Park]

But I'm just so tired.  My back hurts, my stomach feels stretched beyond belief.  I can't keep up with school, WIC appts., cleaning, and now a pissed off toddler with a sprained wrist.  I just want to cry most days, and take a nap.   Thank God for my wonderful husband who would let me do just that if I just asked, but alas Mommy guilt just won't let that happen.

Yesterday the family celebrated Labor Day by attending a birth rally in Waikiki.  The family that protests together, stays together right?  Just kidding.....it wasn't a protest just a call for health care to support evidence based maternity care instead of care based off of opinions and basically just the way "they've always done it." [If you want to know more check out www.improvingbirth.org] We had a great time getting to meet some awesome people in the birthing community here on Oahu.  I got to talk to other women about encapsulating my placenta, home birth, and ring slings without anyone batting an eyelash. 

National Rally for Change at Kapiolani Park

Lily might have gotten TOO into it.  She was shouting "Eat your placenta!" at cars while they drove by and when the cops came to check our permits she told Andy, "I would never talk to cops!"  Not quite sure where that anti-authority attitude came from....well maybe I can guess.   We did a prayer at the end saying what we were grateful for and I am really just grateful that my daughters will grow up not being afraid of childbirth, knowing pregnancy is a beautiful, natural and healthy thing.  Not an illness. 

Which is what I keep trying to remind myself.  

36 weeks + 3 days and it will all be over soon and I won't even know where the time went.

Although hopefully these weird pregnancy dreams will stop, I dreamt last night that I gave birth easily at home, baby's feet first [not likely.] But then I found out the baby was a boy and I was pretty pissed off about it and wouldn't even pick a name for him. 

 So I told Andy we better pick out a boy's name too just in case.  I hope I wouldn't be quite so melodramatic if that were to happen but when I told Andy this he was not so convinced.  Hmm. 

[Feels like it.]

Again this is one of the blogs spiraling into nowhere.  My Mommy brain feels like mush. 

Soon, soon this little girl will make her entrance and I'll remember what I knew all along.

It is worth it. <3

Side note:  Super excited, Fall is here!

Well pretty much as "here" as it's going to get.  It's still hot, there's no way I'm getting to wear any kind of scarf or Ugg boots but Hey, the Fall flavors are back at Starbucks and I'll take what I can get.

Along with my beloved Salted Caramel Mocha I'm definitely getting in the pumpkin mood!

Made mini Pumpkin muffins the other day and still had enough left for another recipe, so Pumpkin Angel Food Cake with Salted Caramel Glaze it is!

Next month is pumpkin patches, costumes && FOUR adorable kids to dress up!

I can't wait. 

Pumpkin Angel Food Cake

w/Salted Caramel Glaze

Pumpkin Angel Food Cake:

1 box Angel Food Cake mix

3/4 cup pureed pumpkin

1 1/2 tsp. Pumpkin Pie Spice

1 tbs. flour

1 cup water

[1] Put oven rack on lowest setting & preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

[2] In an electric mixer beat all ingredients together.

[3] Pour into an ungreased Angel Food cake [tube] pan.

[4] Bake for about 45 minutes until top is nice and brown.

[5] Let cool for 15 minutes then turn upside down onto a glass bottle and finish cooling for 2 hours.

Salted Caramel Glaze:

1/4 cup butter

1/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup heavy cream

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. sea salt

[1] In a small sauce pan melt butter and both sugars together.

[2] Whisk constantly while it comes to a boil and let cook for 2 minutes.

[3] Add heavy cream, continue whisking, cook for another 1 minute.

[4] Turn off heat and add cinnamon and salt.

[5] Let cool completely before pouring over cake.