Mommy needs a beer. For....Cheddar Beer Bread!

Ahh.....the lovely 6 weeks post partum mark.

When all of reality comes back to kick you in the neck and ask you,

"Why would you think another child is a good idea??!"

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my baby girl.  She is all that is good about babies, chunky, sweet, sleeps a lot, little dimpled smiles.  Sigh.  But oh yeah, the other three.

I am starting to feel delirious.  I thought before was bad.  Three kids and 8 months pregnant was chill!

Another diaper to change, another person to cloth before we leave the house.  Another person to please, and this little person is only pleased by one thing!  Boobies.  Which happen to be attached to me and make it near impossible to get anything else done.

[My idea of a good time!]

This isn't really supposed to be one of those pity me blogs, cause it's not.  I don't pity myself and in general I love my life, there's not much to pity.  I get to be with my kids all day, I get to go to school, drink Starbucks, go shopping at Target, eat dinner with my husband every night. I mean honestly I don't need much to be happy.  Or maybe it's the opposite?  

I don't need much, but I do need it to be my way.......

Anyways!  Life is hard right now, I'm not going to lie.  I feel like sometimes my blogs are TOO happy?

If that's a thing?  Or maybe that they're a little misleading.  You didn't REALLY think I had all my shit together did you?  Ha, I'm such a great illusionist.

I've also started following a bunch of people on Instagram that I don't know.  This might seem irrelevant but it's going somewhere, I promise.  I see all these beautiful Moms with platinum hair and red lips making their kids homemade bone broth and fresh squeezed orange juice popsicles [wtf?!] for lunch and it makes me feel grossly inadequate.  I know I shouldn't compare myself, and for a long time I was doing good on that one but lately I have just been feeling like I'm not enough.

[I did vote tho!  So that counts for something right? :]

I'm not a good enough Mother, I can't keep all four of my children quiet for an hour and a half church service while my husband plays music and I try to get someone to hold the babies while I go up and play drums.

I'm not a good enough Wife, I complain.  I nag.
I do things over because he didn't do them the way I would have.

I'm not a good enough friend, if you text me with a 911 message I might text you back.  Next week.

I'm not a good enough student, I do every assignment an hour before it's due so as I'm doing it there's an awesome red countdown system that makes me feel like I'm also going to pass out from anxiety.

I'm not patient enough.  I'm not soft enough.
I'm not ladylike enough.  I'm not thin enough.

I'm not crunchy enough.

The list could go on, but do I want it to?  

I need to come to understand that no, I will never be enough.  I will never be a perfect version of all those things because I will never be a perfect person.  But luckily I don't need to be.

My identity, although I'm working on it, should first and foremost be in God.  Which is why I think I've been thinking so much about how I'm not enough.  I have definitely not been faithful enough,  I haven't been praying enough, tithing enough, trying enough.

It is so easy to let God go, to fall from his grasp and to turn myself to the daily buzz of life.  Such a hard routine to get into, thinking about him everyday, praying, listening, making him a priority when my day feels like it can't possibly hold anymore. 

 I can feel myself slipping away, getting weaker, so I know what I need to do to not let this world get to me the way it has before and it's never too late to start again.

Luckily my God forgives and to Him I will always be enough.

And now of course, the food!
Made this Cheddar Beer Bread for Tulip's Baptism and it was a hit!
I love the edges where the cheese & butter meet and make delicious crispy heaven.  Yum.

Cheddar Beer Bread

3 cups AP Flour
2 tbs. Sugar
I tbs. Baking Powder
1 tsp. Salt
2 tbs. Honey
1 cup shredded Cheddar
1-12 oz. Bottle of Beer [I used Samuel Adams Pumpkin Harvest]
4-8 tbs. Butter [1/2-Whole Stick], melted.
*This depends on how buttery you want it, I used a whole stick and it was crazy good but REALLY buttery, I probably would do a half stick next time.

[1] In a stand mixer blend together all the dry ingredients.
[2] Using the dough hook add in your beer and honey and knead for 5 minutes or so. Add cheese and knead 1 more minute.
[3] Using a pastry brush pour half your melted butter into a loaf pan.  Make sure pan is completely greased.
[4] Pour dough into loaf pan & drizzle the rest of the butter on top.
[5] Bake for an hour at 350 degrees.  

What to bring to the home birth away from home. [Nutella Cookie Crisps!]

With my impending labor coming any day now, really ANY DAY.  Hopefully.  I pray.

I was browsing Pinterest and as much as I love that site, like super love it, as I'm sure most of you can tell sometimes the things I see are just ridiculous?  

Or maybe just ridiculous to me.  Like one pin was 100 Toddler Meals!

Goldfish crackers & cut up hot dogs?  Wow, thanks for the tips Pinterest.  But I'll pass.

So I thought what would be a helpful list for me?  I know I have a certain niche I'm looking for and couldn't find it and blog material has been weak lately so I decided to post a list of what I'm bringing for my home birth away from home. 

Also a little side plug and because as always I'm not actually sure where I'm going with any of this, if you are at all interested in home birth 

watch the first 15 minutes of Jim Gaffigan's Mr. Universe stand-up.

hi.la.rious.  

Ask my husband, he had to listen to me busting up for an hour and a half.  

[Note to self!!!]

Note: I haven't actually had this birth yet so some of these things might be unnecessary, pretty much the same as when you pack a hospital bag and never end up using the yoga mat and birthing ball cause they won't let you get out of bed.  Hmm. 

So first things first! 

Baby stuff:

Car Seat

 [As hippie as we may be we still believe in safety, 

can't wear the baby in a Moby wrap home unfortunately.]

My Mom sent us this cool thing called a Pattem, which is basically like a big round changing pad that you unfold and it has small pockets all around for the baby's stuff.  It's kind of amazing when you breastfeed what a small amount of stuff a newborn really needs besides Mommy!

So in her Pattem is:  2 cloth G-Diapers in XS, 4 diaper inserts, 8 cloth wipes, her little Bee coming home outfit, 2 headband bows [cause I can't resist] Yellow & White, in case she's born with crazy amounts of hair like her big sister! Monogrammed wet bag, cause she's fancy, && a muslin swaddling blanket! 

[The Pattem!]

We will probably only be at the midwife's house for about 4 hours or so after birth so this should be plenty!  I think.....I hope.  Like I said I've never done this before so I'm getting kinda Type A on myself thinking everything is going to go wrong last minute.  Ack. 

Now for the Mommy bag!

. 1 package Chucks Pads [birth is a messy ordeal!]

.1 package giant size pads. [so fun!]

.brush [Just cause I like my hair to be brushed. Haha.]

.Bathing Suit

.Sarong

.Camera w/charged battery & camera card

.Comfy outfit to wear home

.Peri Bottle

.Gum

.Chapstick

.Massage Oil & Cream

.Lavender, Wild Orange & Clary Sage Essential Oils

.Contacts & Solution [I have a feeling my glasses will drive me nuts if I end up doing water birth]

.Emergen-C & Calcium w/Magnesium Pills to make Labor-Aid

.Toothbrush

So that's it!  Still sounds like a lot and I guess it is but my midwife has all the fun stuff at her house like the birthing tub, birthing ball, etc.  I really can't wait for this little girl to get here and even to get to experience giving birth again, especially in such a different way than my first 3.

Hopefully the next blog I write is about the birth of  Tulip Bea!

Even 40+ weeks pregnant I still have cravings.  Honestly, I have cravings pregnant or not.  At least I like to call them cravings, everyone else seems to just think I'm picky.  But anyways, I have been wanting CHOCOLATE.  Mmm.  After much searching for things in the pantry I found all the stuff I needed for these guys, and chocolatey they were! 

Nutella Cookie Crisps

1/2 cup Nutella

1/2 cup Brown Sugar

1/2 cup chocolate chips

1/2 beaten egg [Weird I know but I cut the original recipe in half.]

1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda

3 tbs. Flour

[1] Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

[2] Mix all ingredients except chocolate chips together.

[3] Gently fold in chocolate chips.

[4] Drop tablespoons of dough onto parchment paper, about 3 inches apart.

These WILL spread!

[5] Bake about 9 minutes, watch them!  

Let cool and enjoy!

They come out kinda soft & chewy in the middle and crunchy on the edges.

Addicting and chocolate overload, for sure eat these with milk!

I also recommend eating them the day of cause if they sit they'll get soft, 

which you might like but I liked them crispier. 

And just so I don't bag on Pinterest too much, forgive me Pinterest! 

I also got this super cool idea the other day and had to do it although Tulip will most likely not be eating anything for at least 9 months!  

[Hook for baby bibs on the back of your high chair!]

      I love projects that require me only to buy 1 thing, for less than $5 that I can do myself without nagging Andy to get out the drill or something.