Mommy needs a beer. For....Cheddar Beer Bread!

Ahh.....the lovely 6 weeks post partum mark.

When all of reality comes back to kick you in the neck and ask you,

"Why would you think another child is a good idea??!"

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my baby girl.  She is all that is good about babies, chunky, sweet, sleeps a lot, little dimpled smiles.  Sigh.  But oh yeah, the other three.

I am starting to feel delirious.  I thought before was bad.  Three kids and 8 months pregnant was chill!

Another diaper to change, another person to cloth before we leave the house.  Another person to please, and this little person is only pleased by one thing!  Boobies.  Which happen to be attached to me and make it near impossible to get anything else done.

[My idea of a good time!]

This isn't really supposed to be one of those pity me blogs, cause it's not.  I don't pity myself and in general I love my life, there's not much to pity.  I get to be with my kids all day, I get to go to school, drink Starbucks, go shopping at Target, eat dinner with my husband every night. I mean honestly I don't need much to be happy.  Or maybe it's the opposite?  

I don't need much, but I do need it to be my way.......

Anyways!  Life is hard right now, I'm not going to lie.  I feel like sometimes my blogs are TOO happy?

If that's a thing?  Or maybe that they're a little misleading.  You didn't REALLY think I had all my shit together did you?  Ha, I'm such a great illusionist.

I've also started following a bunch of people on Instagram that I don't know.  This might seem irrelevant but it's going somewhere, I promise.  I see all these beautiful Moms with platinum hair and red lips making their kids homemade bone broth and fresh squeezed orange juice popsicles [wtf?!] for lunch and it makes me feel grossly inadequate.  I know I shouldn't compare myself, and for a long time I was doing good on that one but lately I have just been feeling like I'm not enough.

[I did vote tho!  So that counts for something right? :]

I'm not a good enough Mother, I can't keep all four of my children quiet for an hour and a half church service while my husband plays music and I try to get someone to hold the babies while I go up and play drums.

I'm not a good enough Wife, I complain.  I nag.
I do things over because he didn't do them the way I would have.

I'm not a good enough friend, if you text me with a 911 message I might text you back.  Next week.

I'm not a good enough student, I do every assignment an hour before it's due so as I'm doing it there's an awesome red countdown system that makes me feel like I'm also going to pass out from anxiety.

I'm not patient enough.  I'm not soft enough.
I'm not ladylike enough.  I'm not thin enough.

I'm not crunchy enough.

The list could go on, but do I want it to?  

I need to come to understand that no, I will never be enough.  I will never be a perfect version of all those things because I will never be a perfect person.  But luckily I don't need to be.

My identity, although I'm working on it, should first and foremost be in God.  Which is why I think I've been thinking so much about how I'm not enough.  I have definitely not been faithful enough,  I haven't been praying enough, tithing enough, trying enough.

It is so easy to let God go, to fall from his grasp and to turn myself to the daily buzz of life.  Such a hard routine to get into, thinking about him everyday, praying, listening, making him a priority when my day feels like it can't possibly hold anymore. 

 I can feel myself slipping away, getting weaker, so I know what I need to do to not let this world get to me the way it has before and it's never too late to start again.

Luckily my God forgives and to Him I will always be enough.

And now of course, the food!
Made this Cheddar Beer Bread for Tulip's Baptism and it was a hit!
I love the edges where the cheese & butter meet and make delicious crispy heaven.  Yum.

Cheddar Beer Bread

3 cups AP Flour
2 tbs. Sugar
I tbs. Baking Powder
1 tsp. Salt
2 tbs. Honey
1 cup shredded Cheddar
1-12 oz. Bottle of Beer [I used Samuel Adams Pumpkin Harvest]
4-8 tbs. Butter [1/2-Whole Stick], melted.
*This depends on how buttery you want it, I used a whole stick and it was crazy good but REALLY buttery, I probably would do a half stick next time.

[1] In a stand mixer blend together all the dry ingredients.
[2] Using the dough hook add in your beer and honey and knead for 5 minutes or so. Add cheese and knead 1 more minute.
[3] Using a pastry brush pour half your melted butter into a loaf pan.  Make sure pan is completely greased.
[4] Pour dough into loaf pan & drizzle the rest of the butter on top.
[5] Bake for an hour at 350 degrees.  

Sunday Funday.

I'm sure I've said this before but Sundays are a notoriously busy day around our house, especially Sunday mornings.  Andy works his 2nd job 7 days a week and goes straight from his cleaning job to downstairs at the church to start doing sound check, etc. 

Which means grumpy Mama, who doesn't like to wake up early is also in charge of getting myself and the three kiddos up, dressed & fed in time to go downstairs for church by 10am.  This is probably not a big deal for other awesome Moms that can set their alarms and jump out of bed like they mean it.  Not for me.  I procrastinate, I check Facebook, I hit snooze, I complain and then I start running around like a chicken with my head cut off. 

So I'm gonna switch it around on this blog and give you a recipe first!  You might like this if you hate reading my writing or came here just to eat.  Makes sense.  But since Sunday mornings are so crazy it helps if I am smart enough to plan ahead and bake something on Saturday that the kids and adults scrambling to get everything done have something to grab and eat while getting ready.

This Sunday's breakfast was......

Snickerdoodle Muffins! 

I made these ones especially for the Praise Leader of our family since Snickerdoodle's are his favorite cookie.  I also figured all the kids would actually eat them since they don't really contain anything that might be considered good for you.  But oh well, cause they are tasty!

adapted from www.eatmedelicious.com

2 Sticks unsalted butter, room temp.

1 cup sugar

2 tsp. Vanilla

2 eggs

3/4 tsp. Baking Soda

3/4 tsp. Baking Powder

3/4 tsp. Cream of Tartar

3/4 tsp. Freshly Grated Nutmeg

1 1/4 cup Greek Yogurt

2 1/4 cups AP flour

For the coating:

3/4 cup sugar

1 tbs. cinnamon

[1] In a stand mixer cream the sugar and butter until light and fluffy.  A few minutes.

[2] Add vanilla and eggs one at a time, waiting for each egg to incorporate.

[3] In a separate bowl whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, cream of tartar, and nutmeg.

[4] Alternating flour mixture and yogurt add to your wet mixture.  Starting and ending with flour, scrape bowl if necessary.

[5] In a shallow dish whisk together coating toppings.

[6] Using an ice cream scoop, I like my stolen Jamba Juice "disher" spring loaded scoop.

Scoop the batter into your coating and roll each scoop around till it's fully coated.

[7] Place each ball into a greased muffin tin. 

This recipe made about 24 muffins for me!

[8] Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.

So after a good morning of muffins, praising God and fellowship we left to go check out Olomana Gardens in Waimanalo.  Andy has been wanting to see this place for awhile and usually the tours can be a bit pricey.  But being the bargain hunters that we are we found out today was an open house with free tours and a potluck!  Can't beat that. 

Olomana Gardens has a huge aquaponics set-up.  Which I know nothing about but maybe Andy will get to guest blog about this someday for those that are interested.  The tour was pretty cool with lots of information and a beautiful backdrop of Waimanalo Valley. 

We saw their fish tanks, the duck weed they were growing, along with Papayas, Taro, tomatoes & pretty much anything else you could imagine.  The kids got to pet horses, chickens, and a pig so everyone was having a pretty good time!  Jonas was so excited cause he helps Andy a lot with their aquaponics system so he kept running ahead with the tour guide pushing a lot of older Asian men out of the way.  Rude, perhaps.  Cute, definitely. 

The open house was pretty neat too, free beer & aquaponics?  Andy was in heaven.

It's such a joy spending time with our kids as they explore new things, especially things we're interested in too.  And hopefully, somehow, tying it in with homeschool, just so we don't feel guilty for the days we miss in the classroom. ;) 

Made one last stop at Sweet Home Waimanalo to try out their famous smoothies and check out the food.  It's a bit pricey but definitely looked good if you're into organic, healthy, locally grown stuff.

We tried a Peanut Butter Bellows Smoothie & a Local Kale Smoothie and took a beautiful drive along the ocean back home. 

God is so good to us, I only hope that we do him justice in giving him everything he deserves from our lives knowing we can always give more. <3