Dear Former Church.

Dear Church,

I think it's finally time to let go.  I've been struggling with this for some time and I honestly thought that you hadn't hurt me that much.  That I could just let it go without any processing and before I just didn't have the time to think about it.  I had four young kids to take care of, five college classes to pass and one very hurt and depressed husband that mattered more to me than you did at the time.
But as time has passed, Andy has healed, thank God, I passed my classes with three A's and two B's and we've left the place that we came to love so much I started to realize that maybe I'm not over it.  Maybe I haven't even begun to process it and now as I've come out of the fog to find myself in a different state both literally and mentally I think I'm ready to let it out and let it go.
Since the leaders in our church didn't care much to hear our side of the story or to think of us much at all I have decided it's something I need to do on my own whether you want to hear it or not.  My husband has shared his side of the story and while we are one his story is not the same as mine.  So church, I just wanted to let you know, you hurt me.  When my family needed your support and love more than ever you turned your backs on us.  When my husband was so physically injured that he could not walk and his mind was turning on him you shrugged your shoulders, not your problem.  When I told you he stumbled and fell and couldn't make it down the stairs your first thoughts were not of prayer or concern but, "So is he working today?"
If I said this began and ended with Kevin that would be a lie, we put our hearts and souls into building up our church in every way possible.  We literally lived and breathed that old busted down, leaking ceiling, broken toilet, fuse popping place.  I was, mostly, proud to call it both home and my church.  But as time passed we began to feel more used, our job situation made us feel more like indentured servants than respected vital parts of the operation.  We were expected to take care of all aspects of the building, fix broken things with our own finances, which weren't much, and do it all while being mentally abused by members of the church.  While nothing was good enough for you it was all we could do.  We strived to make the church building a place of trust and love for those that came in, our own friends that had been deeply hurt by the church and Christians, began to let their children be present in a place they didn't trust but because of the love and acceptance we gave to everyone who came to the building and a slow healing began to take place.
As time went on, yes, we felt worn out.  Perhaps that you wouldn't be able to do it without us, and that's where we were very wrong.  As the church grew to accept a new priest, another leader for our parish of about ten, his vision was distinct.  To help the homeless and needy of Oahu, especially veterans, and we were behind him.  We had an empty room on the second floor of our third floor building that we converted into a temporary homeless shelter.  And by converted I mean that my family provided all our own bedding, furnishings and food.  I cooked three meals a day for whichever homeless or needy person was there at the time.  We washed their clothes, we gave them shelter, compassion and love.  We felt it was our purpose to show God's love in the same way we felt it.  We took in people that stole from us, that cursed and threatened us but still we took it in stride, we were not perfect people and we didn't expect perfection from anyone else.  Towards the end of our time at the church we took in a young veteran named Kevin.  Kevin was charismatic, he was also an ex-addict with a lot of mental issues.  But like always, we trusted, we allowed him in our home to shower, he ate dinner at our table with our children and he spent Christmas day with our family.  We felt that everyone deserved to be loved and accepted and who are we to judge another person's sins.
Kevin became a large part of our family life, someone we saw everyday, that we included in our BBQs with friends and movie nights in our home.  He was so grateful for our family and all we had done for him he gave us small amounts of money on occasion to help with the cost of food, etc.  That's when things went wrong.
Kevin found out I had been smoking weed, we are as transparent as we can be about most things in our lives and I have never been ashamed of this.  While I understand where this could be seen as wrong as an active member of my community, a loving Mother and a hard-worker, weed for me is medicine.  A God-given medicine at that, it calms my anxiety and helps me not be overwhelmed.  I have always and probably will always be a smoker, I don't really drink, I curse like a sailor and I am staunchly pro-life.  I am not a perfect person but I have always believed that God cares less for the rules of man and more for the way men, or women, show themselves.  This apparently was not ok with Kevin and he became increasingly angry with us and stopped eating dinner with our family and talking to us all together.  We were sincerely confused, we didn't know where we had gone wrong but we also knew Kevin had extreme PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder, from his time in the military and chalked it up to that.  As time went on he became more aggressive, as he lived in the same building as us he would stare us down and with young children both in our home and in the apartment next to ours we began to be concerned.
We knew at this point that our church did not care about us so we began to become more and more concerned about the situation.  Andy had also hurt himself in the beginning of the year and his health was slowly deteriorating.  He went from being a fully healthy man to  crutches and then eventually a wheelchair, by the end of our ordeal with the church he could no longer stand on his own.  In addition to the stressful home situation we also had trouble trying to establish insurance with the state and his only solace was the emergency room that would just give pain killers and send him home.  As this went on the church called Andy in for a meeting, at this point I had stopped attending church with my children as our church community was a hostile, unloving place.  Families would scream at each other from the front row pews and the elders would constantly scold the kids if they were not silent.  It was not a loving place, I did not feel God's presence and every time one of our friend's would come visit I was so ashamed by the way they and their children were treated.  That's not to say there was never love in our church or even that there was none by the time we left but our church was not a community, it was a place for legalism and name calling.
As Andy entered the meeting he was approached by both of our priests, our deacon, and Kevin.  He sat, in pain, for over an hour while they berated him, told him he was entitled and wrong.  The icing on the cake was when Kevin accused us of stealing funds from the church, the money he had given us for food etc. was now meant for the church and how could we have done this?  Andy called me after the meeting panicking and scared. The church had demanded we pay Kevin back the "thousands" or dollars he had given us without any documentation or proof. During this meeting Kevin told all of the elders of our church that he, "Hated Andy so much that I try not to see him because I want to throw him down the stairs."  After I had heard this exchange I was blown away.  How could our church so willingly trust someone they had known less than two months when we had given so much of ourselves for almost a decade?  When I called our priest to ask him why this would be allowed his response was, "He didn't say he really would do it, just that he wants to."  Needless to say this didn't comfort me and we quit our job that day. Doing so was not an easy decision, everything we had was wrapped up in our church.  Our home, our only source of income, everything.  But anyone being threatened in their own home will understand our urgency, we no longer felt safe.  Kevin had already threatened Andy and we were now locked in a building with him with our four young children and my husband injured enough that he could not protect himself or us.  The next few months were a blur of pain and suffering that we are still trying to wade through.  Andy got worse before he got better, depression set in for both us.  In the span of a week I, and our dear friends, packed our home as fast as we could.  Selling what we could but eventually letting go of almost all our earthly possessions.  I found myself crying as I went through our stuff knowing we could bring little to none of it.  While I know these things  Fleeing our home in the middle of the night I couldn't help but think of all we had lost.
Thus began our time of moving from house to house, I honestly have never been under as much stress in my life.  Juggling school with kids and a husband that could no longer care for them I wanted to give up many many times.  When I sat down to begin this letter I didn't really mean it as a re-hashing of events but am realizing this is what I need to move on....
So, former church, I just wanted to let you know you hurt me, you hurt us.  God tells his followers that there will be pain and suffering I just didn't realize that it would come from within.  It hurt that my family could have been one of the homeless that you were trying so desperately to help, that without the grace and love of our friends we would have been on the streets and our church wouldn't have cared.  We left our home and church in the beginning of March and stayed on island until I could finish my finals a week early in April. Not once did our church leaders call and ask if we were ok, I heard from my former tenants that they went around bashing us and telling everyone what a poor job we did.  Such a poor job that they were content with us doing it for over three years right?  It hurt when Andy wrote the leaders of church, the bishops and priests of other branches of our denomination looking for guidance, comfort, even a kind word and got nothing, he wasn't even worth a response.
I have been filled with anger about this situation for some time, even now as I find my family somehow in Colorado, stunned with the changes that have happened this past year I am having a hard time letting go.  It hurts me to think that my weed smoking was enough to be dismissed, a sinner with no hopes for redemption.   I have wanted to rant and call them and cry and scream about the hurt they have caused us, how betrayed and unloved we have felt by people that call themselves Christians. I am sad that these events have shaken my faith to the core, that I no longer know what I believe, if I believe.  I don't know if I will ever trust a church again or if I even desire to.
I guess that's my end.  I hope I have processed enough to let it go, the anger, the frustration, the hurt.  To know there will never be closure on the other end, that I will never get an apology or even a second glance.  That my sins were enough for our family to be dismissed, that the church would rather look perfect than be forgiving.  Good-bye Church of the Risen Lord, you were my home for so long.  The place I went back to and cherished, I'm sad for how it ended but I will not let your pointed fingers define me.  I still trust that I am a child of God, that I am loved by Him and that it's time to move on.

Nicole Hope.

You say Aweo, I say Weo! [Basic quiche recipe]

A couple of days ago we joined a few friends for a relaxing brunch on the beach.  Aweoweo Beach Park is one of those places we love we just donʻt make it there very often.  The beach park has clean bathrooms, a dilapidated playground & of course a beautiful view!

 To say Iʻve been a bit scatterbrained lately is probably an understatement.  As I was planning this brunch with friends I had grand ideas of all the delicious things I would make. in the end I had an hour and luckily a refrigerated pie crust and some eggs.  Which means, ta da! Quiche!  Quiche is one of the first foods I learned to make without a recipe and rarely fails me.  You can add whatever you have in the fridge and get a full meal with little prep or actual cooking. 

 A beautiful view of Aweoweo Beach. this is the view from our picnic table so the beach is pretty close to where you can set -up.  My favorite thing since eating food with sand in it is just not fun for anybody, except for maybe my 20 month old that eats sand by the handful. 

 For some reasons there were tons of sea turtles out that day!  I even got to put on the snorkel mask and swim around with them and creepily watch them as they eat limu off the coral reef. 

 Overall another beautiful morning in Hawaii, all of which I am very thankful for!  

Zucchini Bacon Quiche with Goat Cheese and Fresh Basil

1/2 package bacon, any kind works

1 small-medium zucchini, diced

5 large eggs

1 pre-made pie crust, I like Immaculate Bakery

3/4 cup heavy cream, or Whole Milk

Salt & Pepper

6 leaves fresh basil 

Goat Cheese, to taste

• Cook bacon until crisp, crumble and set aside.
• Preheat oven to 375 degrees 
• Lightly saute zucchini in a little olive oil, just a few minutes, it will continue cooking in oven.
• In a pie dish, unroll pie crust and press firmly into dish so there are no air bubbles.  Crimp edge fancy if you want. 
• Sprinkle cooled bacon and zucchini on top of pie crust.
• In a medium bowl whisk together eggs, cream and salt & pepper.  Pour mixture on top of bacon and zucchini. 
• Cut basil into thin ribbons and sprinkle over egg mixture. 
• Crumble goat cheese on top of edge mixture, use as much or as little as you would like.  
• Bake quiche at 375 degrees for 45 minutes or until itʻs no longer jiggly.
• Serve warm or at room temp! 

I've got a restless heart. [Hawaiian Granola]

I've always been a bit of a nomad.  I grew up as a Navy brat moving from the West to the East coast and later when my parents divorced traveling that same distance to see one or the other.  As my Dad was stationed different places I would visit him in Guam or San Diego.  When Andy and I started dating the restlessness continued, I never imagined myself being the kind of girl you could "tie down."

After dating for a year we moved down the coast of California to be with his family and after another move back to Stockton we got married and moved yet again to Hawaii.  Since that time we have moved homes countless times, gone to the mainland and back and never stayed in a house much longer than two years.  Even the one we bought.  Errr. I have lived in 4 states, a U.S. territory, and over 15 cities. I wanted to get restless tattooed on my knuckles, it's that bad.

But sometimes the restlessness makes me nervous.  Am I destined to be one of those people who isn't happy no matter where they are?  Or am I the type of person that's thankful to be where they are.  I hope I'm the latter.  I love Hawaii, this time around, I've made it a point to be thankful for the things I do have.  A beautiful ocean, lush palm trees, no rent to pay in a crazy expensive place.  And when the parts that make me sad creep in, like the fact that we couldn't afford to leave this place even if we wanted to, family is always at least a 5 hour plane ride away, and there's no In-N-Out, Chipotle OR Trader Joe's.   I force myself to look again at the good, because I know there is so much and I am so blessed.

Whether I am here, there, or anywhere if I'm with my family and if I'm in God's will it doesn't really matter anyways.  And if God wants to cure my itchy feet and Hawaii is where we're meant to stay I will be ok with that.  Or if he wants to give us that push to the next place we're supposed to be I'll be ok with that too.

I'm tired of being restless.  I want to be rested and refreshed.
Where you go I'll go, where you stay I'll stay, God I'll follow you alone.

 [The Swap!  Look at that awesome teepee!]

But right now I'm in Hawaii!  And I made granola for a local Peaceful Parenting Network swap I just went to which was awesome.  All us Mamas got together with whatever we had to get rid of and swapped, haggled and gifted all of our kids stuff for other people's kid's stuff.  It was pretty awesome and a great way to save money, get some new to us stuff and just hang out. 
I made this granola as an extra bargaining chip and it turned out great!  Definitely easy to adapt to your likes or allergies, add more honey if you like it sweeter, dried fruit or even chocolate chips at the end!

Happy Hula-Gan Hawaiian Granola

4 cups oats

1 cup rough chopped Macadamia Nuts

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup honey, preferably local

1/2 cup Chia seeds

1/2 cup Hemp Seeds

1/2 cup uncooked Quinoa

1/2 cup unsweetened shaved coconut

1/2 cup Coconut Oil + 2 tbs. for Greasing Pan

1.  In a large mixing bowl toss together all ingredients until everything is well coated with the oil.

2.  Grease a baking sheet with more coconut oil and pour the mixture on top.

3.  Bake in a 325 degree oven for 15 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes until granola looks toasty!

4.  Let cool and store in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.

This granola is great on yogurt, as a snack, with milk or whatever!

Faux Fall. [Fall Truffles!]

Oh how I love fall.  It means the holidays are coming, 

Starbucks starts carrying Pumpkin Spice, and I can force the kids to watch Nightmare Before Christmas at least a dozen times between October and December.   I used to look forward to pulling out my moccasins and beanies, leaves changing, the smell of fireplaces in the air.

But alas, not here.  I know it's horrible to complain about living in Hawaii but one of the hardest parts for me has always been the lack of seasons.  Sure, Summer is fun, once a year when you've been waiting to go swimming and BBQ and if you're lucky, someone you know has a boat.  When every month is pretty much the same temperature: give or take humidity, Vog, or a rainbow it's not so fun.

[No, no, nope, no, none, & no.]

It's weird cause I always get slightly depressed just missing the gray cold weather, the overcast days and chilly nights.  So for now, while we're here, I guess I'll just have to pretend...I'll pretty much make anything involving pumpkin.  Cook soup in my crock pot and act like we're not sweating as we eat it and without an air conditioner I can't even pretend it's cold!  

Maybe cause I've just had a baby and I'm all sappy or whatever but the holidays always remind me of extended family.  Of taking the kids to Apple Hill to pick fresh apples and jump in leaf piles.  Watching A Christmas Story all bundled up, cooking Mexican food with Andy's family or stopping by all the relatives houses on Halloween so the kid's can score extra candy.  All of it just makes me miss home.  

Then I remember what I have.  My FOUR beautiful children.  Going to the beach in October.

Flip flops in December, which I would do anyways in San Francisco and then cry for Andy to give me his socks cause I made a "bad choice."  

[Our little Jack-O-Lantern!  Lily Pax at the Waimanalo Country Farms Pumpkin Patch.]

So yes, I miss the Fall.  And I hope to experience it again someday, and at that point I will probably complain about something else.  But for now I will be happy with what I have, with searching for Halloween costumes that won't give the kids heat rash, for baking Pumpkin muffins in my sweltering kitchen, for the changing of seasons to mean only bigger waves, painting our pumpkins instead of carving them cause the heat makes them rot in about a day, for bringing my favorite sweaters to class because it's my only chance to wear them.  

I have a wonderful [hot] life that I get to share with the people I love more than anyone in this world.

I miss Northern California.  I miss a lot of the people there.  I miss spending holidays with them but I am so thankful for the opportunities we have here, to grow as a family, to be active in our church, for the kids to be in a Christmas Choir thats says "Mele Kalikimaka!"  That I can wear a sundress on New Year's Eve, without a coat.  That I can match my Halloween to my black flip flops.  

So be happy with where you are while you're there.  && if you're not, do something to change it.  

Otherwise don't complain to me, cause that's just annoying. 

[Fall Truffles!  No-Bake Deliciousness.]

Fall Truffles 

1/2 cup Pumpkin Puree

1/2 cup powdered sugar

1 8 oz. block of Cream Cheese

2 cups Graham Cracker Crumbs

2 cups Chocolate Chips

Pumpkin Pie Spice [optional]

[1] In a food processor or plastic bag crush your graham crackers to equal 2 cups, it took me a little less than 3 sleeves out of the graham cracker box.

[2] In a large mixing bowl beat together the pumpkin puree, powdered sugar, cream cheese & graham cracker crumbs.

[3] I would refrigerate this mixture for at least an hour, overnight would be fine.  I didn't and the mixture was hard to work with.

[4] When mixture is cold scoop out tablespoons, or so...make them however small or big you want them to be!  Roll into balls.

[5] Dip balls into melted chocolate.  I just melted my chocolate chips in the microwave on 25 second intervals, stirring after every time. You could also use a double boiler if you have a bunch of extra time on your hands or something. 

[6] Make sure balls are completely covered in chocolate and drop onto waxed paper to cool.  They are supposed to look like truffles, the fungus, so not perfect is good in this case! 

[7] Sprinkle tops with a little pumpkin pie spice.

[8] Refrigerate again && enjoy! 

Life is good. People are too.

So we've been trying to adjust, yet again, to our new schedules.  School is starting up again, well kind of.....we do year round schooling but now it's REALLY time to focus.  Plus the school supplies are on sale at Target and a general feeling of school-iness abounds.  Andy has officially been working his new job for over a month now, and we've kind of gotten into the groove of things.  

But in general life is pretty good.  We get to spend time together as a family!  Something that was missing for us for almost 2 years.  The differences are astounding and if I ever questioned moving back to Hawaii I don't anymore.  The first time we lived in Hawaii I had a huge problem with being homesick, I missed the people I had known and I couldn't quite make any connections that felt real here.  This time around I am just so surprised and grateful at the awesome people God is putting into our lives.

I am still struggling with my trust issues, which I've mentioned before, I've been deeply hurt by people I have trusted to never betray me and while that hurt is still there I think God is trying to show me the goodness in people.  It's so easy to see the bad, the negative, the people that use you, the back stabbers, the women that act like life is still high school, and while I know they're still there I hope that maybe I've gotten better at not letting myself be used and praying that God surrounds me with people that make my life better and hopefully I do the same for them. 

Women that I have just met that encourage me instead of compete & compare.

Fellow mothers, breastfeeders, home schoolers.

Fellow Christians, Crunchy Mamas, wives.

All helping to build one another up, congratulate on jobs well done and children well raised.

Maybe it's something in me that's changing or I've just gotten lucky but I am truly so thankful for the women I have been so blessed to be friends with.  From my best friends, an ocean away in California.[ One who I got to see yesterday!] Old friends that send me an encouraging word on Facebook or messages to ask how I'm doing. To new friends that I am just meeting that have an honesty about parenting, the ups & downs but also the joys & rewards.  Those people I can laugh with, enjoy an iced coffee and just talk without feeling like I need to be impressive, that I can just be myself flaws and all without being taken advantage of.

[One of my best friends. <3  Although we are far in miles we have gone through so much together in the short time we have been friends.  She is genuine and such an encouragement to me when times are hard.  She is proof of God's goodness in people and I am forever thankful that she is a part of my life.]

It's just something I have been so thankful for that I can't explain.  As much as I try to fight it, I need people.  I need someone to go on clearance Target runs with.  I need someone to read 50 Shades of Gray with me and then make fun of it.  We we're not meant to be alone and I am so excited for the new relationships God is putting in my life, just to prove to me once again, that I don't know it all, people are not all bad, and sometimes it's ok to trust. <3

[Also many thanks to my dear friend FranQueen from the 6th grade!  She re-did my blog for me and got it looking all spiffy & Chevron-ed up.  I <3 it.]

And since I'm too lazy to type up a recipe I'll just pass on the goods that I've been given lately and tell you to check out www.coastal.com.  

No, I'm not one of those cool blogs where people pay you to write or anything, so there's no gimmick here or anything.  Cause if I'm not cooking, baking, or cleaning I'm looking for ways to save money!

But seriously.  I've gotten 2 FREE pairs of glasses from them & I love them both!

And by free, really the glasses and frames were free and all I paid for was $16 for S&H [to Hawaii!] and insurance on each pair.  Just a good deal people, I'm not gonna lie. 

If you've never ordered from them before just put in the code FIRSTPAIRFREE at checkout.

You have to pick from certain pairs, obviously, but there are tons of styles to pick from.  

I have a horribly bad prescription too, like I'm legally blind without my glasses, and I don't even pay for any of the thinner lenses and my glasses STILL look good.  Damn!

I also friended them on Facebook which is how I got a code for another free pair.

So yeah, I'm basically set for life.

Go enjoy people.  Enjoy life.  Enjoy free things.

I know I do.

[My newest pair!  Nerd glasses. 

 I had almost this exact same pair in high school.  They were not so cool back then.] 

Sunday Funday.

I'm sure I've said this before but Sundays are a notoriously busy day around our house, especially Sunday mornings.  Andy works his 2nd job 7 days a week and goes straight from his cleaning job to downstairs at the church to start doing sound check, etc. 

Which means grumpy Mama, who doesn't like to wake up early is also in charge of getting myself and the three kiddos up, dressed & fed in time to go downstairs for church by 10am.  This is probably not a big deal for other awesome Moms that can set their alarms and jump out of bed like they mean it.  Not for me.  I procrastinate, I check Facebook, I hit snooze, I complain and then I start running around like a chicken with my head cut off. 

So I'm gonna switch it around on this blog and give you a recipe first!  You might like this if you hate reading my writing or came here just to eat.  Makes sense.  But since Sunday mornings are so crazy it helps if I am smart enough to plan ahead and bake something on Saturday that the kids and adults scrambling to get everything done have something to grab and eat while getting ready.

This Sunday's breakfast was......

Snickerdoodle Muffins! 

I made these ones especially for the Praise Leader of our family since Snickerdoodle's are his favorite cookie.  I also figured all the kids would actually eat them since they don't really contain anything that might be considered good for you.  But oh well, cause they are tasty!

adapted from www.eatmedelicious.com

2 Sticks unsalted butter, room temp.

1 cup sugar

2 tsp. Vanilla

2 eggs

3/4 tsp. Baking Soda

3/4 tsp. Baking Powder

3/4 tsp. Cream of Tartar

3/4 tsp. Freshly Grated Nutmeg

1 1/4 cup Greek Yogurt

2 1/4 cups AP flour

For the coating:

3/4 cup sugar

1 tbs. cinnamon

[1] In a stand mixer cream the sugar and butter until light and fluffy.  A few minutes.

[2] Add vanilla and eggs one at a time, waiting for each egg to incorporate.

[3] In a separate bowl whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, cream of tartar, and nutmeg.

[4] Alternating flour mixture and yogurt add to your wet mixture.  Starting and ending with flour, scrape bowl if necessary.

[5] In a shallow dish whisk together coating toppings.

[6] Using an ice cream scoop, I like my stolen Jamba Juice "disher" spring loaded scoop.

Scoop the batter into your coating and roll each scoop around till it's fully coated.

[7] Place each ball into a greased muffin tin. 

This recipe made about 24 muffins for me!

[8] Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.

So after a good morning of muffins, praising God and fellowship we left to go check out Olomana Gardens in Waimanalo.  Andy has been wanting to see this place for awhile and usually the tours can be a bit pricey.  But being the bargain hunters that we are we found out today was an open house with free tours and a potluck!  Can't beat that. 

Olomana Gardens has a huge aquaponics set-up.  Which I know nothing about but maybe Andy will get to guest blog about this someday for those that are interested.  The tour was pretty cool with lots of information and a beautiful backdrop of Waimanalo Valley. 

We saw their fish tanks, the duck weed they were growing, along with Papayas, Taro, tomatoes & pretty much anything else you could imagine.  The kids got to pet horses, chickens, and a pig so everyone was having a pretty good time!  Jonas was so excited cause he helps Andy a lot with their aquaponics system so he kept running ahead with the tour guide pushing a lot of older Asian men out of the way.  Rude, perhaps.  Cute, definitely. 

The open house was pretty neat too, free beer & aquaponics?  Andy was in heaven.

It's such a joy spending time with our kids as they explore new things, especially things we're interested in too.  And hopefully, somehow, tying it in with homeschool, just so we don't feel guilty for the days we miss in the classroom. ;) 

Made one last stop at Sweet Home Waimanalo to try out their famous smoothies and check out the food.  It's a bit pricey but definitely looked good if you're into organic, healthy, locally grown stuff.

We tried a Peanut Butter Bellows Smoothie & a Local Kale Smoothie and took a beautiful drive along the ocean back home. 

God is so good to us, I only hope that we do him justice in giving him everything he deserves from our lives knowing we can always give more. <3 

God Bless America. Happy 4th of July!

Had an awesome low-key 4th of July yesterday celebrating with the kids, my Dad, brothers & sisters and some of our church family at their home in Maile. 

Despite all the differences I have with our government and how anti-authority I am, just a bad teenage habit that I just can't seem to shake, I do know how blessed my family & I are to live in this country.

We get good health care, for now anyways, through the state.  Participate in the Women's, Infants & Children program here and that's about it.  While I do appreciate everything this country does do for us I also take pride in the things we do for ourselves. 

All that being said I am a proud Navy brat of a man who served our country for more than 20 years.

I have lived in more houses than I can remember and greeted ships searching for my Dad's face. 

I am thankful for those that sacrifice their fathers, husbands, sons for our freedom.  

[My Patriotic fruit plate.]

I also love the chance to celebrate, enjoy the company of friends, & eat! 

The kids could barely stand still long enough to take a picture.  They just wanted to go swimming!

Stars && Stripes!

Left:  The view from our friend's back lanai of sunset.

Right:  My 4th of July belly!

27 weeks & 4 days.

We all decided we were too tired to try and fight the crowds to see the fireworks but on the way home we got lucky and got to watch the whole show from the comfy-ness of our van on the side of the H-1. 

Hope everyone had a happy & safe 4th of July!  

Red, White & Blue-Berry Muffins

adapted from www.joythebaker.com

7 tbs. unsalted butter

1/3 cup whole milk

1 large egg

1 egg yolk

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups AP flour

1 cup sugar

1 1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

1 1/2 cups fresh blueberries

Topping:

3 tbs. cold butter, cut into small cubes

1/2 cup AP flour

1/4 cup sugar

[1] Melt butter in a small saucepan over medium heat.  Melt and cook the butter shaking often.  Watch the butter as it begins to foam and smells nutty.  It will turn brown pretty quickly, once you see brown bits floating around and brown foam take it off the heat.

[2] Whisk milk, egg, egg yolk and vanilla until combined.  Once butter has cooled slowly add it to mixture while whisking.  Don't add it while it is too hot or it will cook your eggs!

[3] In a separate bowl whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder and salt.  Add milk & butter mixture and stir gently to combine.  Gently fold into blueberries.

[4] Divide batter into muffin cups, makes 12.

[5] To make topping you can pulse all ingredients in a food processor until it looks crumbly or use your fingers to mix until it looks like small peas of butter, but be quick!  You don't want the butter to melt.

[6] Sprinkle over the tops of the muffins.

[7] Bake for 28-30 minutes in a 375 degree F oven.

Yum! 

Aloha & Cupcakes!

Welcome to Hawaii!  The land of Aloha. 

Adventures in Honolulu's Chinatown!

I would consider us adventurers.  

We haven't always been and often Andy & I talk about how much we wish we would have started BEFORE we had kids, you know, when we had money & time.  But I guess we had an early beginning to adult/married life and kind of grew up as we realized we might have to teach our kids how to do the same one day.  So yesterday we had to go into Honolulu to do some paperwork for Andy's new job, [hallelujah!] and our friends happened to be in Chinatown to walk around and we asked to join them.

We hadn't been to Chinatown since before we moved in 2008 so it was fun to see everything again.  So much fresh produce & seafood with great prices, we will definitely be back!

And in true adventurer spirit Andy and Oliver tried chicken feet for the first time.  Mmm gelatinous! 

I love taking our kids to experience new things, and living on a small budget, it never ceases to amaze me how much you can experience with a small amount of money and some blessings from friends.

 [Thank you Sonia for a delicious lunch! :]

We wandered around the markets for awhile, just taking everything in, enjoying being out of the house, the clear skies and the pleasure of good company.  

Tip:  If you go during a state or federal holiday parking in any municipal parking is only $3.00 max!  We happened to go on King Kamehameha Day so lucky us!

[A clock tower with the numbers in Chinese]

After a lot of walking, and picture taking for me.  Ever the snap happy tourist.  We finally made it to our lunch destination of Tai Pan Dim Sum.  I love dim sum, the original "small plates."  It's so fun to share a meal with a lot of people open to anything, passing food and trying whatever looks good.
We did have a bit of trouble with the waitresses since they only spoke Chinese, it took us about 3/4 of our meal to realize we should just order by number.  My favorite were these tasty deep-fried seaweed rolls stuffed with shrimp.  Yum!  Lily can be good at trying foods and did have a Shrimp Shumai but in the end liked her hot dog manapua the best.

[Mango shave milk with lilikoi & condensed milk]

After lunch we strolled back to our cars stopping for a frozen treat at Hula Boba.  They make a tasty shaved ice there that is frozen strawberries [or mangoes] and soy milk.  Such a fun day & our grand total spent came out to $10!  It's always fun to go off the beaten path, experience something new and usually spend a lot less money!  You might get lost, might eat something weird, or not know how to speak the language but that's the fun of it right?

I want to raise my children to be adventurers, to not be afraid to try new things, to not be afraid to fail, because they will, don't we all?  But trying is still worth it.  We can live a life inside but how will we learn about this beautiful world that God has given us?

Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise from the ends of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it, you islands, and all who live in them.
Isaiah 42:9-11

5 Things I miss about California. & 5 Things I don't.

5 Things I miss about California, and 5 Things I do not. 

I miss.

1.  Being close to almost all of my family.  Having my Mom & some of my siblings in the same town as me.  Family dinners on a whim, the kids being able to see my Grandma.  Helping out, family gatherings, BBQs around the fire pit in our backyard.  Coffee and shopping trips with my little sister.  My kids growing up with their cousins. The free baby-sitting.  Oh, the free baby-sitting. 

2.  The food.  In & Out. Chipotle. Not to mention all the places that are particular to Stockton.  Good sushi at Co Co Ro, fried chicken from Manny's California Fresh.  Oh the list could just go on and on.  Being pregnant just makes me want all the good food that much more.  I would kill for a carnitas taco plate from Tepa Taquiera right about now, well maybe not kill.....but stab for sure.

3. Road trips.  There was SPACE!  Lots of it!  True, some places were far.  But we always loved a weekend of packing our van to the brim and going where the wind blew us.  Down the 1 to visit family in Pismo Beach or a little further down to the Santa Monica Pier.  Stopping at rest stops to run around and enjoy being together in our own little contained unit.  Nothing but wind in our hair, good music on the stereo, the sounds of kids arguing in the backseat, sunglasses and the knowledge that we still have hours to go.  Ahhh, my version of peace. 

4. My best friends.  Two women that will forever impact my life.  That taught me what REAL friendship was, after 27 years of living, to have two people show me THIS is what friendship is.  Not someone using me for their benefit, lying to me, back stabbing or generally acting as if all of life is a shitty fucked up high school experience. [Can you tell I didn't like high school?]  Who I rarely get to talk to now with an ocean between us but I know I could call them at anytime with anything and they would be there, listen without wanting, love without judging.  

5. Seasons.  I love anticipating each season as it comes.  Except maybe Summer in the Valley, ok especially not summer in the Valley.  But feeling those first breezes of Spring, opening up all the windows in our house and soaking it all in.  Or when the leaves first turn colors and the air turns crisp.  Each season bringing new things.  Apple Hill in the fall,  Christmas tree farms in the Winter.  Cherry Festivals in the Spring.  I miss it all. 

I do not miss.

1. The violence.  Coming from Stockton didn't scare me.  I wasn't afraid to walk down the street, to play with my kids in the front yard, to go to the movies at night.  Until people started getting shot everyday, for anything, pretty much anywhere.  I'm not a very paranoid person but I did start getting worried that a stray bullet might find me on a bad day.  Scary crap. 

2. The bad attitudes.  Something about people there gave off an air of entitlement.   I know this is a generalization and not meant to be but it kind of got old hearing people complain about how their welfare was cut or they don't have enough money but they were able to sell their food stamps cause they just "have to have their nails done every month."  I'm sure it happens here too, I just don't have to hear about it.  So that helps.

3. The obsession with looks.  Here in Hawaii you will see some big girls in bikinis.  I don't mean that disrespectfully.  I consider myself a bigger girl, but here big girls ARE beautiful.  Not just hypothetically in a song but really.  People are proud of their bodies, or simply just don't care what you think.  That is a refreshing idea.  When we lived here before and I was about 40 pounds heavier and 9 months pregnant I felt perfectly fine going outside to get my mail in a sports bra and shorts because I wasn't afraid of some asshole driving by yelling "fat ass" out there window like they had done to me in Stockton, while I was pumping gas.  Seriously?

4. Black Widows and Snakes.  We just don't have those here.  Oh yes!  It's nice not to think "There's a spider in my house, maybe it will bite me in my sleep and I'll die.  I guess we'll see." 

5. Running into people you know.  Some people might like this, might like reminiscing, talking about the good old days or other such tom foolery.  Not me, I would prefer not to see you unless I make a point to see you.  Most of the times it's just an awkward hello, like "Oh, hi, yeah I used to know you a long time ago but now I really could care less about what you're doing."  It just takes the ease out of that knowing I most likely won't see anyone I know.  Just because we both never left our hometown doesn't mean we have something in common.  It's especially nice when there are people I know if I saw I might have to practice my anger management more than I have worked on so far, so I just might rip their throat out.  Maybe. 

Three Tables Beach: North Shore [w/Grilled Zucchini Roll-Up && Roasted Pepper Hummus recipes.]

At first I thought, why do people care about what beaches I go to? 

But as a Mom I am always looking for things to do with my kids and it really helps if someone can give me the details beforehand, before we trek out there with 17 towels, 4 shovels, 2 coolers, etc. only to find out the waves are too rough, there's is absolutely NO parking,

 or hypodermic needles are hidden in the sand.

Besides that, this is also my personal blog, and I'll write about what I want to write about.  So, yeah.

Spent a great Memorial Day with our friends The Lipka's.  Both have lived in Oahu for almost their whole lives so they know the island a lot better than we do.  We had great plans to go camping above the cemetery in Mililani but after a few rainy days we decided wallowing in the mud didn't sound like much fun.  

We're always excited to try out a new beach,  everyone can be so different it's just amazing to see everything Hawaii has to offer.  The last time we lived here 2004-2008 we didn't really get out enough to just be thankful for what was all around us and it kind of made us go stir crazy, coming from California land of road trips & every kind of climate you could imagine was hard, this time around we decided to not be closed in and explore!

The Three Tables out in the ocean.  You can stand on top of them and the swim out isn't hard at all.

This beach is also located in a fish conservatory so the snorkeling was amazing!

Went for the first time in awhile and it was awesome to see all the Parrot fish, eels, sea cucumbers, coral & let the quickly growing belly float around in the ocean for a bit! 

[Awesome tide pools all around these rocks, Jonas had a blast just walking around this area.]

The Beach 411!

If you are coming from North Shore you will keep following the main road around past Waimea Bay.

Three Tables will be right past Waimea Bay on the left, if you hit the Pupukea Foodland you went too far.  Parking is actually more than some beaches but still not great, be prepared, you might have to haul your stuff quite a ways.  There are bathrooms but they are a little bit down along a paved path, so don't wait till they're screaming "I can't hold it anymore!"

Foodland [with a Starbucks!!!] is super close, less than a mile away, just in case your forgot any essentials.  There are some trees and shade but as always it's good to bring your own, especially with little kids.  The water is really nice, clear and warm.  Calm enough at the sand line and shallow but if you walk far enough out there is a drop off.  

Rock balancing near the bathrooms, crazy to see!

So as promised, here are my recipes for my contributions to the BBQ!

It was a great dish to try there because you can prep everything ahead of time, grill the zucchini and then just smear on the goat cheese & roll!  Just make sure to put leftovers in your cooler right after so they don't go bad.

Have a great day at the beach!

Zucchini Roll-Ups with Herbed Goat Cheese

2 large zucchini cut into wide strips

Olive Oil

Salt & Pepper

Any combo of dried herbs you have on hand, I used thyme & rosemary

1/2 cup goat cheese

1/4 Kalamata olives, pitted & diced

[1] Slice your zucchini into strips and toss with oil, salt & pepper.

[2] In a separate container mix goat cheese with chopped Kalamata olives & herbs.

[3] Grill zucchini for 3-7 minutes each side, depending on thickness of strips and heat of grill.

Once they are tender and can be bent they are done!

[4] Smear goat cheese mixture on cooked zucchini & roll!  All done!  

Super easy, healthy & tasty side dish for any BBQ.

 I also brought some home made hummus, cause who doesn't love eating the day away at the beach?

Soaking up the sun, listening to some good tunes & swimming.snacking.swimming.repeat. 

I'm also always looking for ways to make things we like cheaper, healthier and fresher.

Hummus is one of those things!

Roasted Sweet Pepper Hummus

2 cans garbanzo beans, drained & rinsed

8 mini sweet bell peppers, assorted colors

1/4 cup tahini

1/4 cup olive oil

Juice of 2 large lemons

Sea Salt to taste

Cumin

Smoked Paprika

[1] Roast your sweet peppers, rub them with oil & season with salt.

Set one to the side & dice finely to garnish. 

Roast them in a 350 degree F oven for about 20 minutes or until soft and slightly charred looking.
Let cool.

[2] Drain & rinse your garbanzo beans and put them in a food processor.  

Put a small handful to the side for the top.

We have a Ninja, I use it for everything!  Love.

[3] Add olive oil, lemon juice, salt & seasonings.

[4] Once peppers are cool cut off stems and de-seed.

Throw those in the processor as well!

[5] Blend!  You might like your hummus thinner, chunkier, etc.  This is a recipe that is really easy to adapt to your tastes.  I personally love lemon so I think even 5 juiced lemons wouldn't be too much for me!

[5] Season to taste, blending a bit between each time so you can make sure it's not too salty, etc.

[6] Once your happy with the flavor transfer to a serving bowl, etc.

Top with more olive oil, smoked paprika, & reserved garbanzo beans and peppers!

This taste even better the next day too so it's a great make ahead food.