The end is near. End of 2012 that is. [Blueberry Velvet Cake]

I can't believe Christmas is in 15 days.

I can't believe this year is almost over.  It has been a crazy, exciting, growing, hard and wonderful year all at once.  We got pregnant with our 4th child.  We took a 3 week long road trip to the Pacific Northwest.  We moved across the ocean to Hawaii, again.  We almost broke up.  But we didn't.

We had our 4th child.  We grew stronger.  The kids grew older.  We grew up a little more.

We continued homeschooling.  We fell in love all over again. We moved for the 6th time since we've been married.  We celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary.  I turned 28.  I let go of the past.  

I struggled to be the woman I want my daughters to be proud of.  I tried to learn patience.

I gave up on always being in control.  I baked, A LOT.  I prayed. 

 I missed old friends & made new ones.  

I laughed.  I laid on the beach while the kids played in the sand.  I hiked on a cliff overlooking the ocean.  I watched my children sleep.  I spent way too much money on Target & Starbucks.  I voted.

I stressed about everything.  I saw babies being born.  I had my first home birth.  I took pictures.

I wrapped presents.  I kissed my kids.  I forgave. 

[Gutierrez Family Christmas Card!  I'm pretty excited about it if you couldn't tell.]

This has been an exhausting, amazing year.  Parts of it I never thought I would make it through and I'm still amazed to see myself standing sometimes.  I know they say as you get older the faster time goes and I definitely get that now.  I can't believe it's been almost a year since we've been back in Hawaii.

Our house is finally starting to feel like our home, we've added another beautiful member to our family, I've gotten to experience things I never though I would.  Both good and bad.  Life is constantly changing and as much as that scares me sometimes I am just in awe. 

Where will we be a year from now?  What will God choose for us to do?  Will we listen?

I am constantly amazed by this journey of life and how it is always changing.
 I'm ready to live this life to the fullest and I can't wait to see what 2013 brings for us.  

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.

Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Now for the recipe!

This would be an awesome New Year's Eve cake.  It's just so pretty and definitely good for a special occasion.  I made it just cause I wanted to and ended up slowly eating the whole cake piece by piece because the kids refused to eat anything with actual fruit in it.  

And I wonder why I'm gaining weight?  Anyways......

Try it!  It's delicious and worth the work.

I didn't adapt this recipe at all and all of a sudden I'm dead tired.....

possibly cause it's 1 o'clock in the morning?  Eh. 

So, here is a link to this wonderful cake!  Enjoy.

http://www.iheartchocolatemilk.com/2012/06/07/blueberry-velvet-cake-with-cream-cheese-frosting/

Happy Little Placenta Pills. [Warning: Graphic! I guess?]

Here they are!  My magic little happy placenta pills.  

And now, here's how we made them.

But first, your probably wondering WHY a pretty much normal human being would choose to eat their own organ.  Because, I secretly want to be a cannibal and this is the only semi-socially acceptable way to do it.  Kidding.  

There are a ton of reasons:

* Instead of a synthetic drug they contain my OWN hormones.

* Naturally perfectly made for my baby, by me. 

* Replenishes depleted iron after giving birth.

* Helps increase milk supply.

* Lessens bleeding afterbirth. 

And my biggies....

* Helps with Post Partum Depression.

* Energy! 

After each baby I have struggled with PPD and every time I have gone to my doctor and they prescribe me some kind of pill that basically turns me into a zombie.  No thanks.  So I take them for awhile, feel weird and not myself, sure, not anxious either but....pretty much nothing.  Then I decide I hate feeling like that and stop taking them all together, which I've heard is a no-no.

When I heard about placenta encapsulation it just made sense to me?  Sometimes I struggle with my hippie self vs. my Catholic type self.  I'm a Republican.  I eat my placenta.  They just don't always seem to fit hand in hand.  But every once in awhile, in my mind they do.  In my quest to become a doula/midwife/placenta encapsulator it's always been so reassuring to me that women were created by God to do the job our bodies were made to do.  

My placenta fresh out of the womb!  

My awesome hubby doing all the dirty work, actually pretty much all the work while I sat and watched and cuddled my baby. :)  What he's stretching out is actually my water bag, where baby Tulip chilled for a good 9 months!  My midwife said I had a strong water bag which weirdly made me feel proud of myself.  

Taking off the membranes, their are two layers of them.

The darker spots are calcifications which happen when the placenta is trying to block things like chemicals in cleaners and smoke.  It's a pretty amazing organ! & no more painting houses while pregnant.....sorry placenta.  Things like alcohol pass through the placenta tho and go right to the baby.

Membranes off.  Feeling a little bit like Dexter. 

The family that encapsulates together, stays together!

The sliced placenta getting ready to be dehydrated!  We did the raw method with no extra herbs or spices cause I didn't know how they would react with my body and I just wanted the purest form possible.  After it was all dry we ground it up and put it into pills! I've been taking the pills since 3 days post partum and they have definitely helped with the energy & anxiety.  I'm really happy I got to do this with at least one of my babies and now I hope I get to help other Mamas experience the same thing!

My Breastfeeding Journey......

This year I have signed on to be a host for The Big Latch-On!

The Big Latch-On is a global wide event that brings together breastfeeding mothers and those who support breastfeeding to raise awareness on how great, beneficial, and normal breastfeeding should be and attempts to break last year's record of most women breastfeeding simultaneously. 

This year I was lucky that they are having it on August 3rd & 4th.  I heard about the event and was bummed I wouldn't be able to participate because I already had a midwife appt. scheduled.  

I already missed out on the Big Cloth Diaper Change because of something we had going on, I know lots of BIG things, right?  So when I found out it was pretty easy to host I figured I'd do it on my own!

ttp://www.biglatchon.org/locations/the-big-latch-on-west-oahu-2

[If you are on Oahu & would like to join us either to be latched on, take pictures, or help with registrations we would love your support!]

As a budding birth doula and hopefully, one day, midwifery student, I figured anywhere I could raise awareness on the beautiful, natural and God given blessings of being a woman and Mother I should.

With Lily & Jonas I had a much harder, shorter breastfeeding journey.  I had little support with both and had an epidural during each labor which made the initial breastfeeding a little harder.

With Lily I had intense pain when I would feed her, knowing now, that it was just a bad latch and something I could have easily fixed.  I also supplemented with formula from the very beginning not quite understanding why breastfeeding is so important and not really giving it as much effort as I could have.   It saddens me to think that I missed out on an incredible bond with her because I just didn't know how to get help. 

With Jonas it was a little easier but I still used formula early on and didn't understand the concept of nipple confusion, etc.  With both I made it to about 7-8 months both breast and formula feeding.  Sometimes it's hard reading things that tell you about how great breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding is when I know I didn't give my first two babies my very best.  I know part of it is Mother's guilt, added to my Catholic guilt I just end up feeling guilty 99% of the time.  But I try to let go of that, to know I as a Mother can only learn and grow.  I am happy for those that "know better" before they even have kids.  To make it a point to research, know facts and have a set parenting path before they even get pregnant. But for us it was more of a learn as we go situation.  We're still learning and nowhere near knowing it all, although I won't tell my kids that.

[One of my favorite BF pictures.  Oliver nursing at the water park while I'm 22 weeks pregnant. :]

Which brings me to Oliver, my breastfeeding pride and joy!  At 29 weeks pregnant [myself] and 19 months old [Oliver] we still have a good nursing relationship.  It was painful for a period, when my milk dried up during pregnancy, and at times it can be cumbersome and annoying, when it feels like 100 degrees already without a 20 pound toddler strapped to my chest.  But the bond I have with him and the pride in myself can't be beat.  I hope we can keep nursing at least long enough to last until the Big Latch-On, less than 3 weeks away!  But I don't have a set time frame, I think we'll both know when the time has come.  And I can tell I've really become "crunchy" when my dreams include being able to tandem nurse my babies.  Something I didn't even think about just 6 years ago.

I've been on both sides of the fence.  I understand it's not that easy for some women, I just hope to be able to give other women the support, care, and knowledge that would have helped me in my early days.  Along with being pregnant & giving birth it is just such an amazing gift God gave to women.
We are nurturers and made so perfectly for our roles it amazes me.