My Love Life Play List & Gluten Free Black Bean Brownies

Music has always been a huge part of my life.  

When I was in the 3rd grade I wrote a paper about how awesome it would be to meet Ace of Base. 

I used to create my own dance moves to whatever CDs my Dad had, usually a nice combo of Mariah Carey, Boston and Steven Curtis Chapman.  I
I'm married to a man that is a walking musical instrument.

I can memorize lyrics pretty easily and then I never forget them.

I just rapped all of Big Willy Style the other day when it came on the radio.  Be jealous.

So, last week when my teacher asked us to present a music video with a song that described a part of our love life I was pretty excited.  But it was SO hard to choose.  I chose a song for class and kept thinking of all the other ones that I really wanted to pick instead.  And now I present you with.....

Nicole's Love Life Play List

[enjoy.]

1.  Take My Breath Away- Berlin 

This is actually the first song Andy and I ever slow danced to.  I had the Top Gun record, yes record, we played it in my garage and danced away.  Aww.

2.  Soco Amaretto Lime- Brand New

Classic young love song.  About escaping your home town and falling in love.

3.  Hands Down- Dashboard Confessional

Thinking about this stuff now is making me feel like high school was over a decade ago.....which I guess it is. 

4. Teenage Love Affair- Alicia Keys

It's pretty amazing to fall in love as teenagers and be able to grow up together.  Not that it's always easy but the love I have for my husband now is a thousand times more than what we had as kids.

5. Only in Dreams- Weezer

We named our first son Jonas after a Weezer song, we're music nerds so definitely gotta have one of our first favorites.  This was almost our wedding song until we decided it was too long to dance in front of a bunch of people to.

6.  Under the Streelights- Alkaline TrioThere are just parts of your life that you have certain CDs that were your soundtrack.  This reminds me of going to watch Andy's band play at house shows in high school. 

7. I'll Catch You- The Get Up Kids

This was our wedding song.  A sweet song and fitting for two 20 year olds that got engaged and then married in three months.

8. I Never- Rilo Kiley
Just one of those, I'll never be loved but than you came along type songs.  Rilo Kiley in general is awesome. 

9. Right Thru Me- Nikki Minaj

This song just reminds me so much of me.  I've never been a very open person and it took awhile for me to believe that someone could love me just as I was.

10. Cemetery- Say Anything

Just a beautiful song.   My husband has saved me many times.  I love him so. 

11. Bless This Mess- David Bazan

Such a sad but true song.  My side tattoo is based off of this song.  I kind of think we're all messes.  God bless us.

12. How He Loves- David Crowder Band

It took me a long time but I finally understand REAL love.  Not from any man, as much as I love my husband, but perfect love that we can only get from God.

13.  I Will Follow You Into the Dark- Death Cab for Cutie

Kinda morbid but I can't help but have a slight panic attack thinking about one of us dying.  This was the last concert we went to when I was 8 months pregnant with Tulip.

14. I Will Wait- Mumford and Sons

The song I presented for my class.  Love is work sometimes.  Love is forgiveness.

15. God Gave Me You- Blake Shelton

Sappy, yes.  Cheesy, maybe.  But true.  My husband is my biggest supporter, my strength when I am weak and I truly believe he is a gift from God.

I feel like I don't stop this now I'll never stop it.  We're going to have a vow renewal ceremony next Fall and first item on my agenda is music playlists. 

Recipe time!

I made these brownies for a Peaceful Parenting Network park play-date we went to last week.  I have friends that are gluten-free and wanted to bring something everyone could eat but didn't have any special flours or anything in the house.  I found this recipe and was pretty excited!  They are definitely a fudge type brownie, they don't rise much at all and I didn't love the texture but all of the kids loved them and that was my goal.  Plus they are so easy it's a great recipe to try out.  You can add nuts or chocolate chips if you like, my chocolate wasn't gluten free so I decided not to.

Gluten Free Black Bean Brownies

1 15 oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed well

2 eggs

1/3 cup Cocoa Powder

3/4 cup honey

1 T Vanilla

2 T Coconut Oil

1/2 tsp. Salt

1.  Dump all ingredients into a blender or food processor, except chocolate chips or nuts if you're using them, and blend until smooth.

2.  Pour mixture into a greased 8x8 pan.

3. Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees!

4.  Let cool and enjoy.  

Rants, Raves & Peanut Butter Quinoa Cookies.

Holy crap, I don't know how it happens but I swear every time someone posts an article from Huffington Post its always some asshole that talks about how they're not going to tell people what to do, but then there they go and tell you what to do. 

The last article I read, I also blogged about when I was a fledgling blogger, oh....about 4 months ago.  It was a woman ranting why marriage under the age of 25 is stupid, she got a divorce, we're all basically the same, blah blah blah.   So I already thought "Yippee!" [in my most sarcastic tone], when I see this article going around lately.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nicola-kraus/detachment-parenting-sears_b_1852579.html

It's another woman talking about how AWESOME she is a parent and how easy it is for her daughter to go to sleep.  All the awesome sleeping & screwing she does and once again, why her way is the best.

I honestly don't know why I let these things get to me.  

First off, I am not an attachment parent.  I won't label myself in anyway cause if I do, I'll fall short.  I already know it.  I REALLY don't like being told what to do, whether by some random blogger on the internet or Dr. Sears, I'm sorry but each family works differently.  I personally don't feel like some random guidelines are going to work well for each child and unlike the writer of this article I have 3, soon to be 4, not 1 that magically did everything I wished. 

[I couldn't think of any clever things to put with this blog so I'll just entertain you with my awesome Instagram pictures.  Here's one of a double rainbow I took the other day!]

I guess in any article of this nature the thing that bothers me is her righteous attitude about what fools attachment parents are.  Like I said, I am not an attachment parent, but please, if I have the choice lump me in with the lovers cause detachment parenting just sounds cruel.  Being proud of how you teach your child to self-soothe from the day their born to poking fun at Mayim Byalik breastfeeding until the age of 4 doesn't make you seem better.  It makes you seem rude.  It makes me think your children will grow up with the same attitude of superiority complex that you have. 

Yes, I breastfeed my children until one of us is ready to stop.

At almost 39 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old that time might come sooner rather than later. 

But guess what?  My marriage doesn't suffer from that.

Yes, I wear my children.  But surprise!  I put them in strollers and other dangerous contraptions too.

To say you know my marriage because you might have some idea of how I raise my children is wrong.

My husband and I put each other first FOR our children. 

That doesn't mean we don't get kicked in the back when one of the kids decides to get into our bed at night, or that we're not sometimes sleep deprived, I've been sleep deprived since I was 17 so really that's just a joke.  I've just traded in Halo marathon playing sessions with trying to get toddlers with night terrors back to sleep.  Same, same right? 

[Me at my maternity photo shoot last weekend at 38 weeks pregnant. 

 See?  I do love my self more than my kids. ;)] 

I'm not saying she's wrong.  For her family she might be right. 

But I would love to see if her own advice works for her 5 years & 2 more children from now. 

Any who!  On to food!

My midwife told me to drink more water & eat more protein to get ready for this impending, 

seriously could be anyway [ahh!] birth.  I wasn't digging the meat and I made Andy some quinoa salad and had been wanting to try this recipe.  These came out pretty decently although I have gotten tips to use a little more Peanut Butter or Maple Syrup which I definitely recommend.  These could be vegan too if you get vegan chocolate chips and peanut butter?  Is peanut butter already vegan?  Hmm.

Peanut Butter Quinoa Cookies

2 cups cooked Quinoa

1/2 cup Peanut Butter [I used smooth]

3 tbs. Pure Maple Syrup

3/4 cup rolled Oats

1/2 cup chocolate chips

[1] In a bowl mix together all ingredients until throughly combined.

[2] Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

[3] If you want chocolate-y looking cookies mix chocolate chips in while quinoa is warm,

mine are more studded with chocolate chips cause I used cold quinoa.  Either way is fine and tasty.

[4] Using a tablespoon pack the tablespoon tightly and drop cookies onto parchment paper. 

You can put these cookies as close as you want to each other, they won't spread at all. 

[5] Bake for 20 minutes and enjoy! We ate a whole pan of these in one day. Oops. 

Relax is a four letter word.

Today I had an argument with my husband I've probably had at least 10, 20, 50 [??] times since the past 10 years we've been together. 

 And that is in my inability to relax I make everyone else feel like they can't either. 

And darn it, I hate to be wrong.  I really, really do.  But I do know this is a problem, I would love to relax!  I see other Moms that can watch a TV show in the middle of the day without getting up halfway through because they feel guilty that there are dirty dishes in the sink and the kids are just laying around.  But maybe it's a sign that I'm just not letting go enough, keeping God in control and just enjoying the blessings he has been so gracious as to give me.  My children, my husband, our time together.  We have worked hard to have a schedule in which we get that ever precious commodity that just seems so hard to come by, time.  And do I really want to throw it away stressing about every thing that still won't get done?  

No, I know the answer but it's figuring out how to make my brain understand it as well. 

We learned recently at one of our marriage classes that men have a "Nothing Box."  Seriously.  Where they can just tune out and think of just that, nothing.  I have no grasp of that concept. 

I feel like 5 minutes in my brain is just a constant stream of what I am doing, need to be doing, just did, should be doing, or didn't have enough time to do yesterday.  And it shouldn't be that.  5 minutes in my mind should be praise, worship, adoration, thankfulness for all God has given me.  I will never have a perfect home, perfect children, or be perfect.  I don't aspire to be.  But I do aspire to be able to let go of the mess, to sit with my kids in the midst of piles of laundry and read books.  To be able to laugh with them at the mess we made in the kitchen instead of thinking about how tiring it will be to clean it all up.

So I'll keep trying.  Keep praying for God to grant me his grace once again.  

To continue to let go for the sake of those who love me, and for myself.

  To love myself enough to make it happen.  

That being said....I refilled all my Febreeze bottles today.  I have a slight obsession with Febreeze but that stuff can get pricey!  And I'm not willing to give up the freshness of Febreeze.  Especially not with a semi-potty training toddler running around.  Found a few different recipes on-line and kind of tweaked them to make the one I like best!  For now anyways. 

Home Made Febreeze

[About 25 cents a bottle compared to $5.00!]

This mixture fills up a 32 oz. bottle.

So if you have smaller ones, like I do, just halve it.

1/8 cup white vinegar

1/8 cup of your favorite fabric softener, I used what was on sale.

1 tbs. baking soda

1-2 drops Lavender Essential Oil, only if you want a Lavender smell.

Hot Tap Water

[1] Pour all your ingredients into the bottle.

[2] Fill with hot tap water.

[3] Shake & spray! 

Kid Quip of the Day:

On Sunday at church during communion.

Lily: Did they just say drink his blood?!?!

Me: Yeah, but it's Jesus' blood.

Lily: Oh ok, I'll do it for him. 

Why I DON'T believe marriage should be illegal until age 25.

Woke up this morning having horrible round ligament pains, basically just a crappy pain in your stomach that you get when your pregnant.  And lucky for me, or not, the more pregnancies the worse they hurt and the more often you get them. 

So anyways.....I got out of bed long enough to make the Terrible Three waffles and crawled right back in to see if I could wait out the pain.  Surfing around on the iPad and I came across this article in The Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-nagy/why-i-believe-marriage-sh_b_1547156.html

The author tells about why she believes marriage should be illegal until the age of 25.

Basically, she got married when she was 24 because she felt like "it was thing thing to do" and at the age of 29 is now divorced.

Argh!  Are you kidding me?!  Usually I can blow off something like this or just rant to Andy about it but it just bothered me.  She continues to go on about how 20-25 is about finding yourself, and this is done apparently by drinking a lot and going to parties to put yourself in bad situations.  

I got married when I was 20.  Was I ready?  No.  Was it the smartest idea?  Probably not.  But I don't have a problem admitting that because there is no shame in WORKING HARD for something.  In the almost 8 years we have been married, and over 10 we have been together we have faced a lot of heartache.  We do not have a perfect relationship or claim to, and we are finding out more and more together how much we need to have God in our marriage to make it work.

If you focus on your wedding day more than your marriage that's probably not the best idea.  Our wedding day was NOT the best day of my life, I was stressed, pissed and being told by everyone else what I needed to do.  But to say drinking and partying is the way to finding yourself, which of course you do by the time you're 25, cause we all have our shit together by then right?  Is ridiculous.

I am still finding myself.  Learning to be the woman, wife & mother that God is calling me to be.

And for me, I need my husband there by my side.  If I had waited until 25 to get married I possibly would not be married to the man I  am today,  it is much easier to break a pinky promise than a sacrament.  There have been times when I have wanted to walk away, to give up and "find myself" but I know my identity is not IN my husband but WITH him. 

We both have so much to learn but I would never want to do it without him and without him I would not be the woman I am today.  

So go ahead and say marriage should be illegal until age 25, but age is not some magic number of getting all the partying out of your system, of growing up all of a sudden, of being able to make a commitment. Marriage is something that is work, a constant evolving, sacrifice, compromise and commitment to love even when you don't feel like you can.  And there is no age you can place on that.

[Our wedding day.  11.20.2004]