Lilyʻs "Deliciously Donut" 8th Birthday Sleepover [w/ Corn, Edamame & Black Bean Salad]

In our family we donʻt have birthdays.  No, weʻre more birthday week kind of people.  In a family of six I really enjoy being able to focus on one person and remember why they in particular are so special to our family unit.  Last week our oldest child turned eight.  I still canʻt believe it, I feel like Iʻm still in a little bit of shock.  Like I gave birth 8 years ago and forget everything up until today and how do I already have an eight year old? Breathe.

For Lilyʻs birthday she really wanted to have a sleepover with her best girl friends.  They had a blast playing dress-up, shrieking and running in circles and watching movies into all hours of the night.  Literally, all hours, I got the last one to sleep around 2am.  Mom life is hardcore sometimes.

The theme for her sleepover was Deliciously Donut!

Cake by Mom!  I used this awesome Wilton cake pan that can do any number or letter.

Happy Birthday to Me shirt from Childrenʻs Place via Noni of course! 

Chocolate Milk and Sprinkles for breakfast, what else could a little girl ask for?

Lilyʻs birthday "cake"! 

Happy Birthday Lily Pax!  You are loved. 

Teaching Daddy how to make a bracelet, her new favorite hobby. 

Pre-sleepover spaghetti dinner with friends!  

In addition to her birthday sleepover we had; cupcakes at the beach with friends (twice!), went to see the new Planes: Fire & Rescue movie and went to the annual Midsummerʻs Night Gleam at Fosterʻs Botanical garden.  All in all a great week to celebrate a rad little girl.

On the night we saw Planes we had dinner at a friendʻs house in Waikiki and since I had a random bunch of corn I decided to make this salad.  Super light, fresh, and fast it was great on a hot day.  I took the pictures before I added the cilantro but I really like the flavor with it included. 

Corn, Black Bean and Edamame Salad

2 ears of corn, cooked, with kernels cut off

1 can of black beans, rinsed

1 jalapeño, diced 

1 cup shelled edamame, cooked

1/4 cup cilantro leaves, chopped

For the vinaigrette:

2 limes, zest & juice

1/4 cup Apple Cider Vinegar

1/4 cup honey

1/4 cup olive oil

salt & pepper

• Combine corn, black beans, jalapeño and edamame in a large bowl.
• In a separate jar combine all ingredients for vinaigrette adding salt & pepper to taste,  mix dressing well and pour over salad ingredients. 
• Add fresh cilantro and toss to combine.
• Cover dish and refrigerate at least one hour.  

Attention Please! [Home-Made Play-Doh]

Oh the brain, you tricky thing.  I just completed my 2nd [out of 16] week back in school.  

Yeay!  Right now, even tho my class is Human Development, we're learning a lot of basic Psychology stuff because obviously all these things are intertwined.  It's slightly stressing me out cause when I took Psych 100 like 7 years ago, I failed it. 

But I'm starting to believe that in some people's cases, hopefully mine, the older you get the wiser you get and this time around Psychology is actually starting to make a little sense! 

Right now we're learning about the brain and ATTENTION.  It might not surprise you, and I don't know why it surprised me but our attention is like a pie, it can't get any bigger than what it is it can only be divided in different ways.

When my teacher was explaining this he talked about multi-taskers, of which I definitely am one, and about how they think they are so great that they can do all these things at once when really you're not giving any one thing your full attention.  I was offended.  Multi-tasking has always been one of my greatest abilities.  As a mother I have stopped children from falling off tables, while sweeping the kitchen & talking on my phone.  That's a skill right?

But where I thought I saw strength I'm starting to see weakness.  Andy brought up with me the other day that it seemed like the kids always stress me out, this is true, they do.  That doesn't mean I don't love them, cherish them, would give my life to them but oh, do they stress me out.  Andy is the nurturer in our family, as much as you would expect it to be Mom, Andy is the one.  He can sit on the couch and snuggle with them all day.  Watch Pete's Dragon without getting up or looking at his phone ONCE.  He can read with them, do math lessons, teach them to make Top Ramen.  All this is done with patience, kindness and no yelling involved.

Does this make him a better parent than me?  I really hope not.  It was something we both had to come to understand, I love my family differently.  I love them by running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  By starting a load of laundry, making a grocery list, helping Lily with a worksheet, setting up a play date & yelling at Oliver to stop biting his brother at the same time.  This is how I function.  To me there are just not enough hours in the day to pause, to sit down at the table while the kids are eating lunch, there are dishes to wash, children to tame & muffins to bake at the same time.  But it saddened me to think that my husband could look at me and think my children just stress me out. 

As much as I hate to admit I may need to change as a Mother, I understand.  I see how much he loves  being with his kids, watching them ride bikes, and talking to them that I want to be like that too.  The house will never be clean.  The laundry will never be done.  Oliver will never stop terrorizing everyone.  So, I'm trying.  This is a semi-new revelation so don't expect too much of me as of yet!  

But I'm trying, if anything to be aware, to know when I'm doing too much and making the conscious decision that maybe my kids as people come first and not their next meal, or a made bed, or a certain Kitty towel freshly washed.  

So I've been trying.  To slow down.  To focus.  When I'm older will I be happy all the attention I gave to the things that dirtied themselves again, or will I be happy to know I sat with my daughters and painted their nails?  

I cooked lunch WITH Lily today instead of telling her to just "Let me hurry up and do it myself." 

 I still cleaned the kitchen while we made Play-Doh tonight but hey.....baby steps right?  

Home-Made Play-Doh

1 1/2 cups AP Flour

1 1/2 cups water

1 tbs. Vegetable Oil

1/2 tbs. Cream of Tartar

3/4 cup Iodized Salt

Food Coloring [any kind]

[1] In a medium saucepan mix together all the ingredients, any order is fine & make it any color you want!  Although I will warn you making a pretty Violet is doomed to begin with.

[2] Place saucepan on medium low heat.  Using a wooden spoon stir constantly.

[3] The "batter" will start to dry up and become a ball, this can take a few minutes.  About 5 or so.  Just keep stirring and watch the consistency.

[4] When it's starting to look like Play-Doh take it off the heat and turn it out onto a table to cool for a bit.  

[5] When it's cool enough to handle, I just start right away because I have asbestos hands, knead it like dough till it forms a smooth consistency.  Play on! 

[6] Store in Ziploc bags or containers.  Not sure how long it will last since ours magically disappears somewhere before the 2 week mark. 

Identity Crisis.

The past few weeks or so I've been noticing how bad I've been doing saying my prayers, writing in my journal, reading my Bible, etc.  These things don't come naturally to me and when given 15 minutes of down time it's easier for me to Pin 15 things on Pinterest than it is to get into my Bible.  

It's not something I'm proud of but it is something I'm aware of.  I consider myself a Christian with Catholic leanings.  I was baptized as a baby in the Catholic church and then again in the Currituck Sound in North Carolina as a Baptist at the age of about 9.

My journey with God has been a long and winding one.  Times where I have strayed FAR off the path, never really admitting it was a problem at all.  Being off the beaten path is just cool right?  

I have gone to Sunday School, I teach Sunday School now.  I have stared in awkwardness as people speak in tongues and lay prostate on the ground.  I have had priests & minister's wives tell me I am a child of God, that I AM beautiful in his eyes, and at times those are the exact words I needed to hear.

I have praised his name and I have denied it.  

But finally, at this point in my life, I choose not to be ashamed anymore.  It still might not flow out of me easily.  It's easier for me to talk about being a mother or wife than it is about being a Christian.  Maybe because I'm such an imperfect example?  But aren't we all?  I just know I have gone months without the thought of God in my head.  Without a prayer on my lips and felt completely comfortable in this.  Sure, I felt alone, but I just thought that was the world and how I was meant to live.

Now.  Now I crave Him.  His word, his praise.  Sure, I still sometimes think of God as an afterthought as something I will "get around to" after I've done all the cleaning, texting & kid-rearing of the day.  But I know now that I want to change.  I want to wake up and think of His purpose for me for the day.  I want to go to sleep dreaming dreams of Him.  While this might be a noble idea I know it's one that won't come without me putting in the work, without acknowledging that without Him I am nothing.  I can do nothing.  The people of this world have failed me time and time again just as I fail those I love.  

But knowing that God's love never fails is an amazing thing.

Even more amazing is that I believe it. 

So while it's easy for me to find my identity in the labels of this world: mother, wife, student, daughter, sister, friend, baker, blogger, doula, drummer.  I know that my identity is in Him.  Not in the label of Christian, because by this world's and God's standard it's something I will never live up to.  Like any mother knows there's always someone willing to point out your flaws, where you've messed up, why they're a better mother than you, the same works for the label Christian and I know I'm wrong.  

I know I will never be enough for this world.  Just enough for God.  Just part of my dark but loveliness. <3

My personal goal for this week:  I have a prayer journal that I started in December when I desperately needed it.  It is the first journal that I have even come close to finishing and actually kept track of.  I have about 15-20 blank pages left and probably haven't written in it in about 2 weeks.  So I am determined to finish it up, there is a lot of stuff in there that I don't want to remember but I am ready to move on.  To forgive and let go.  For the next chapter in my book.  

Plus who doesn't love a nice shiny new journal? ;) 

Now.....FOOD!  

I made this enchilada sauce the other night for Zucchini Black Bean Goat Cheese enchiladas.

I was thinking they would taste weird and not Mexican-y enough for me but I was wrong!

This sauce is good, with a little heat and would be great for any kind of enchiladas.  Especially since I tried in vain to get like, 5 different people to send me the Trader Joe's bottled enchilada sauce, with no luck.  I guess this stuff will have to do!  Next time I'll probably make a double batch so I can just freeze it.  I want to say Adios Mother Fuckers here, but I know that will probably negate the previous part of my blog, but old habits die hard.  Ay yi yi.

Jalapeno Enchilada Sauce

2 cans Organic Tomato Sauce

4-6 pickled Jalapeno slices [could omit if you don't want any heat at all]

1/3 cup Chicken Stock 

1 tsp. Cumin

1/2 tsp. dried thyme

1/2 tsp. dried oregano

1 small handful Cilantro leaves

Salt & Pepper to taste

1/3 cup Greek Yogurt

1 small onion sliced

1 clove of garlic

[1] Dump all your ingredients into a food processor or blender.

[2] Blend until everything is smooth and incorporated.

[3] Pour into a medium saucepan and heat on low-medium for about 10-15 minutes.

[4] Taste!  Adjust to your liking.  

Really simple and great for us folks that can't get good Mexican food.

Hmph. 

Vistorus Interruptus.

As much as I hate to admit it I am a creature of habit.  

I like to wake up every morning, enjoy my coffee, check my Facebook and slowly ease into my day.

Get my burst of energy by the time Andy gets home from work to start cleaning & doing school with the kids, etc.  Everyday may not be the same but most start with coffee and end with me snuggling with my love in bed.   

Having my Mom & sister here visiting from California is so awesome but it definitely throws off my Mama schedule and makes me let things go I might not usually be able to.  And while sometimes that is hard for my Type A personality it definitely does make things seem even more organized when I get back to it. So after a week or so of not blogging I actually missed it!  But time is short so I'll do my favorite type of writing, a list.  

My [current] life in numbers.

[20] minutes until I hope to be in bed. 

[19] the age my sister Jordan turned today!

[18] days till my first Hawaii doula client is due.  

[17] the age my sister Sierra turned today!

[16] my stupidest age, so far & hopefully ever.

[15] pounds I have gained this pregnancy.

[14] days until I start school again.

[13] pages of Fifty Shades Freed I've read.  I give up, I'm over it. 

[12] ingredients in the recipe below.

[11] babies latched on at The Big Latch-On West Oahu I hosted on Friday! 

[10] years I have been with the love of my life. 

[9] years until I am a midwife!  I hope. 

[8] weeks left in this pregnancy! Give or take a little.....

[7] months we have been back in Hawaii.

[6] tattoos I have.  For now.

[5] strawberry shortcakes I made for dessert tonight. 

[4] days left until my baby shower!  Yeay! 

[3] kids I have, for just a little bit longer. 

[2] notifications I have on Facebook, last time I checked.

[1] God I love! 

And by popular demand......

Homemade Jumbo Nutter Butters! 

from www.cookiesandcups.com

Cookies: 

1 cup butter, room temperature

1 cup creamy peanut butter

1 cup sugar

1 cup light brown sugar, packed

2 eggs

2 tsp. Vanilla

2 1/2 cups AP flour

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. baking powder

1/2 cup extra sugar for rolling

Filling:

1 cup butter, room temperature

1 cup creamy peanut butter

4 cups powdered sugar

1 tbs. milk

For cookies:

[1] Cream butter, peanut butter & sugar in a stand mixer.

[2] Add eggs one at a time & then vanilla.

[3] In a medium bowl whisk together flour, baking soda & baking powder.

[4] Slowly add dry mixture to wet in mixer, try not to over mix!

[5] When dough has come together roll into 1-inch balls and then form your balls into logs.  Ha. 

[6] Roll logs in sugar and place on ungreased baking sheet.  Keep them spread apart cause they get big!

[7] With a fork make a criss cross pattern on top of each log, while you're doing this pinch the log in the middle so it makes a peanut shape.  Very good. 

[8] Bake at 375 degrees F for about 10 minutes.

[9] Let cool on a rack while you make your filling!

For filling:

[1] Cream butter & peanut butter.

[2] Slowly add powdered sugar.

[3] Check consistency and add milk if you like, may take a little more or less or none at all. 

[1] Spread filling between two cookies & chow down!

Nutter Butter time!