Brave Review & Yogurt Avocado Dip

Took Lily & 3 of my younger sisters to see Brave today.

And I must say I was pleasantly surprised!  It was so good, and I am not one for kid's movies in the slightest.  If we ever attempt to watch one together at home I end up getting up about 20 minutes into it to start cleaning the kitchen or something, I just can't focus that well on what I feel is "kid stuff."

I can barely focus on adult stuff so I guess thats a whole different story.

I really had no idea what the story was about, just that she was a little red-headed archer who liked to get into trouble.  Little did I know that it was a perfect Mother/Daughter movie and was so happy that I got to take Lily to see it.  We've been having some screaming matches lately, which I do admit start on my end and maybe she's just now getting old enough to be able to yell back.  My short-fuse is something I struggle with everyday and I hate the fact that my kids will come to know that about me.  

I am constantly praying for patience and restraint, my weakness being taken out on my children never feels good. 

It was a great wake up call, and being pregnant & hormonal didn't help add to the dramatics of it all.  But I am truly blessed to have such a loving, spunky, kind, and yes, brave daughter.

The story was cute & presented in a way that I liked.  Neither the mother or daughter were in the wrong but each had a different way of thinking & were in a different place in their lives.  In the end all that mattered was the love they had for one another.  

It will definitely be one we buy, Pixar never seems to fail!  

[My happy crew after the movie!  They loved it!]

And now for the food!  This recipe doesn't really tie into the movie at all but the color did remind me of all the beautiful scenery in Scotland.  Either way, it would make a great movie snack....if you can just find a way to sneak it in.  

Yogurt Avocado Dip

adapted from www.twopeasandtheirpod.com

1/2 cup Greek yogurt

2 ripe avocados

1 jalapeño

1 small handful cilantro

2 cloves of garlic

Juice of 2 limes

Cumin, Salt & Pepper to taste

I used our Ninja for this but a blender or food processor works the same!

[1] Peel & seed avocados.  Add to blender with Greek yogurt.

[2] Roughly chop jalapeño, cilantro & garlic.  Add to blender.

[3] Blend on high until everything is blended & smooth.

[4] Season to your taste with lime juice, salt, pepper & cumin!  

Serve chilled with pita chips.

Side note:  If you don't like spicy you can omit or seed the jalapeño.  We love spicy in our house so I did not! 

Mornings are never good. [French Toast Iced Coffee recipe.]

If you know me at all, you know I am NOT a morning person.

I keep waiting year after year, child after child for my body and myself to understand that waking up early is just the adult thing to do. I always imagine waking up early, doing my prayers in a calm & quiet house and using the time before the kids wake up to be productive and wonderful.

But try as I might to convince myself, it just never happens.  I HATE mornings.  I don't like being woken up until I'm good & ready.  Of course I'm usually woken up to various unpleasant scenarios because of this.....Oliver somehow got his diaper off & peed all over our bed, Jonas & Lily are fighting over the iPad, someone is STARVING and must be fed rightthissecond or they will die.  The usual.

So, I know it might be time to give up this illusion of sleep that comes with being a mother.

Resign myself to the fact that I should be waking up before them, or if not at least before them than at least with them and not try to fight them off for an hour in bed grumbling that I just need 5 more minutes and wouldn't they be kind enough to leave Mommy alone?

A few things to help my morning transition go a little smoother.

A hot shower.

Waking up to a clean house. 

Cartoons.

COFFEE.

Morning prayer.

Cartoons for the crazies, since they don't get to watch much TV I do like it for the morning so they can let me shower in peace and if we can catch the Ryan Reynold's episode of Sesame Street, even better. 

I also love waking up to a clean house, ahh nothing is better than that.  

It's pretty rare but just such a nice way to start my morning without the stress that comes from already having a sink full of dirty dishes and yesterdays beach gear thrown all over the living room.  I know that stuff will come soon enough, an hour or two without it is my heaven.

& coffee.  My constant companion.

I made up an awesome French Toast iced coffee yesterday morning and its become my new addiction.

Seriously, so tasty. 

Yesterday morning Andy also found us an awesome prayer for morning time and I'd love to wake up everyday and recite it to help my day start off on the right track no matter if I'm waking up to a cup of water being dumped on my face or 3 pairs of feet in my face cause they all missed me so much in the night.  

I may never learn to love mornings, and people still might call me "The Beast" if I'm awake before 8am.  But I can choose to start my days better no matter what time that is and prayers & coffee will definitely aid in that.  

Morning Prayer of Consecration

Good morning, Lord!

I adore You,

I bless You,

I love You,

I praise You,

I thank You,

and I worship You!

Lord, I consecrate this day to You, and call upon the fullness of:

Your anointing,

Your grace,

Your guidance,

Your healing,

Your power,

Your presence,

Your protection,

Your provision,

Your revelation,

Your understanding,

and Your wisdom

to permeate everything that I do today.

I ask all this boldly and confidently:

To the eternal glory of God the Father in the might name of Jesus the son, and through the awesome power of the Holy Spirit.

Amen!

French Toast Iced Coffee

I cold French Press all my coffee, I just don't like hot coffee.  Weird I know, but at least here in Hawaii it makes sense.  So this is exactly how I make my coffee but you can tweak it to however you make yours!

[1] Put ground coffee, about 1/3 cup into bottom of French Press, I have a standard size.

[2] Fill with cold water & leave in fridge over night.

[3] In the morning pour coffee over ice.

[4] I use French Vanilla creamer, pure Maple syrup, about a tbs. && garnish with TJ's cinnamon sugar grinder!  

But really, you get the idea.  Tweak it to your taste, I like my coffee pretty sweet!

A-Lotta Ricotta Cupcakes w/ a Dark but Lovely girl.

Today was the first Risen Lord Women's Bible Study.  We got together to discuss what we wanted to do with our time together, we'll only be meeting once a month but since most of us have young children a 2 hour uninterrupted break certainly sounds like heaven!  Today we went over accountability, who is holding YOU as a Christian woman accountable?

I went a long time without having anybody hold me accountable, I thought I knew best and I honestly could justify almost everything I did.  I didn't have anybody else telling me that I was straying from God and that I was deep in sin.  I honesty didn't want to hear it and many things suffered from it. 

 My marriage, my self, my children.

A Christian cannot walk alone, at least not this Christian.  It is far too easy to stray from God's path for me and use the ways of this world as a barometer for what is wrong & right when honestly the things that are "right" in this nation are most definitely wrong to me.  

I was using other people as my measuring stick, not what I knew God wanted from me and how much better I could be doing.  I have always thought of myself as a bad person, hence the title of my blog.  I heard a sermon years ago where our archbishop preached on the concept of Dark but Lovely.  

How could I be both?  For I knew I was dark, sin was eating away at me and even when I was in it thinking I needed it, that I loved it.  It only sought to destroy me, and many times it almost did.

Sin is all consuming and without another Christian to help me grab my footing, to be my anchor when I have drifted away from my God I could easily be lost at sea.

But to God we are Dark but Lovely.  No human is without sin, those that condemn others are just not looking at their own sin cause really its much easier to judge others.  But remember you are judged the same,  true only God can judge you and have it actually matter but the people on this Earth that can now so easily see the choices you make, and the things you brag about without a second thought are judging you as well, and often more harshly than our loving Christ. 

I am no theologian,  the things I write cannot be backed up with scripture word for word, and I won't pretend to have it all figured out.  But I'm trying.  And thats all I can do for myself and my family.  To want to HEAR when God speaks to me, to TRUST him more than I do myself, to be open and honest that it is a daily struggle for me.  I am so thankful for the women that help hold me accountable far & near and I hope that one day I can help someone in even just the tiniest bit with their faith, for I once was lost but now am found.  But I continue to search because I know I will never find what I'm looking for in this World.

Accountability Questions

[From Character that Counts]

[1] Have you spent daily time in the Scriptures and in prayer?

[2] How do you feel about how you've handled personal, family, and/or business finances?

[3] What three relationships have you nurtured most?

[4] What has made it difficult to do your 100% best in the different roles in your life?

[5] Have your words built up or tore down other or self?

After making baked ziti a week or so ago I ended up with a huge tub of leftover ricotta cheese.

I made some decent spinach ravioli and still had a ton left.  So these cupcakes were the answer to cleaning out my fridge.  If you don't like ricotta don't worry, you can't taste it at all! 

I brought these to group today & am happy to say there are still some left for my late night episode of Big Love.  With fresh strawberries.....oh yes.

A-lotta Ricotta Cupcakes

w/ Lemon Glaze

adapted from www.cupcakerehab.com

For the cupcakes:

9 tbs. [1/2 cup] unsalted butter at room temp.

3/4 cup sugar

3 eggs

1/2 tsp. salt

1 cup ricotta cheese

Zest of 1 lemon

1 tbs. baking powder

2 tbs. extra virgin olive oil

For the glaze:

Juice of 1 lemon

1 cup confectioner's sugar

[1] In a mixer cream butter and sugar until light & fluffy.

[2] On low add eggs one at a time scraping sides if needed.

[3] Add the olive oil than slowly add in flour, salt, ricotta, lemon zest & baking powder.

[4] Bake at 400 degrees F for 25 or so minutes.  Let cool before icing!

[5] For the glaze slowly add lemon juice to confectioner's sugar, you might need a little more or a little less depending on how thin you like yours.  Super easy and brings out the sweetness and tartness even more.  

Now go share! 

What I learned from my 48 Hour Facebook Break.

So a few days ago, on Tuesday to be exact I noticed that I was kinda more.....angry than usual, well not than usual but my anger and impatience was definitely in high gear.  Anger for me is one of my go to emotions, it's my default and the easiest bad habit for me to slip back into when I'm stressed.  I kind of noticed that Facebook, on that day, wasn't making anything better.  I was irritated on it, it made me even more irritated with the kids when I got off.  All in all, all was not well.

So I decided to take a 2 day break to re-charge, snap myself out of it & see just how important it was in my life and if maybe it just wasn't doing me any good.  I won't lie, I'm not a FB addict, not by my definition anyways, perhaps by others.  But I do enjoy it, I have a few "crunchy" groups I'm a part of, I connect with almost all of my family who live at least a few thousand miles away, and it's been a great way for me to connect and find friends while back here in Hawaii.  

I would say if I'm addicted to anything it's taking pictures of anything & everything.  

But that's a different story! 

[Side note: Follow me on Instagram! nicolehopefully]

Lessons learned:

1.  I am an irritated, impatient person with or without Facebook.

I can be a less irritated, impatient person with God. 

2.  My house will not be any cleaner if I stay off Facebook.

I think the reasoning for this one is that regardless I will get stuff done, there is only so much cleaning I can do everyday and I don't feel guilty checking my FB knowing that I also get my Mama shit done! 

3. No matter how hard you try, if you have a Facebook people you don't care to know anything about and would really love to never be reminded of again may seep into your life via others.  

In that case you just might have to delete your FB or block those people when you're reminded how much you dislike them or how little you want to know about their lives.

4.  The less you post on Facebook the less you will have to hear people's opinions about what you're doing. 

5. No Facebook for me = more time for Pinterest, reading && blogging.

While those might not sound very productive trust me that any of the above 3 are more productive than Facebook.

And we all know a blog wouldn't be complete without a recipe.  Not my blog anyways.

I know people don't come hear to check out my awesome musings on life so I have to get them here somehow!

Chocolate Chip Scones

adapted from www.skinnytaste.com

[For the skinner, probably healthier version check out the site!]

These ones will definitely be made again and would be so easy to adapt.  

Everyone actually ate them and they were super easy.  Win win!

3/4 cup milk [I used 2%]

2 tbs. lemon juice
[The original recipe called for 3/4 cup buttermilk
which would work as well but I never have it on hand so I make it.]
1 tsp. vanilla
1 large egg
2 1/2 cups AP flour
1 tbs. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
3 tbs. COLD butter cut into small cubes
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup chocolate chips
For Top:
1 egg white, lightly beaten with a little water
2 tbs. sugar

[1] Mix milk with lemon juice, put in freezer to keep cold. Let chill 5 minutes.
[2] In a medium bowl whisk together buttermilk mixture, egg, vanilla & sugar.
[3] In a food processor pulse flour, salt, baking powder & butter.  Then stir in chocolate chips by hand.
[4] Add wet mixture to dry and lightly mix until it just comes together.
[5] Pour mixture onto a lightly floured surface and knead 4 times or so, the less you knead it the lighter they will be!
[6] Form the dough into a circle and place onto a greased baking sheet.
[7] Cut circle into 8 triangles, or more depending how big you want your scones.
It should be about 3/4 an inch thick.
[8] Brush top of scone round with egg wash and sprinkle with sugar!
[9] Bake at 375 degrees F for 18-20 minutes.
They taste best warm!  Nom nom nom.

Happy Father's Day! [Sunday Slow Cooker Stew Recipe]

Had a great time celebrating Andy's 5th Father's Day this year!

At least I thought it was great, I hope he agrees.  

5 years & 3, soon to be 4 kids later he still amazes me with what a great Father he is.  

How much he loves his kids, the time he is willing to invest him in and how much he continues to grow  as a Dad.  Without his support, open mind and love I could not be the Mother I am.

The kids and I caved in and gave him all his Father's Day presents on Saturday night cause none of us are very good at surprises and Sunday mornings are usually a blur of papers, dresses & coffee in an attempt to get ready for church on time each week.

Besides a card the kids picked out we put together a deck of cards Reasons We Love You project that we found on Pinterest.  This one was hard for me because as much as I like cooking & birthing babies anything requiring precision on the computer only ends up in me being pissed off.  So I did my best, trying to remember the whole time that Andy would not want me to be stressing out over something for him.

We spent his actual Father's Day at church & then at the last day of our marriage retreat in Kalihi.

Came home to stew just finishing up in the slow cooker, I baked him an Apple Bundt cake & after the kids were in bed we snuggled up and watched The Grey.  

I could never do enough to show this man how much I love and appreciate everything he does for our family, so I just hope it is enough to tell him every chance we get. 

His surprise!  I was so excited to get these for him cause he never spends money on himself and Death Cab is one of his favorite bands.  So exciting that they are playing a new small venue here in Hawaii too, it will probably be our last big date night before Miss Tulip arrives! <3

[Father's Day 2012 Kalihi Valley.  Dad w/his homemade leis on. :]

Despite the looks on their faces they really do love their Dad!  

Or as Jonas would say "I like you really, really much!"

[I love this man.]

Papa Andy's Sunday Stew

1 lb. rump or chuck roast

5-10 red potatoes

4 carrots

1 yellow onion

1 can stewed Italian tomatoes

1/2 cup red wine

1/2 cup water

Salt & Pepper to Taste

1 tsp. cumin

1 tsp. smoked paprika

1 tsp. garlic powder

2 tbs. corn starch

[1] Halve or Quarter red potatoes depending on their size, place on bottom of crock pot.

[2] Peel & cut carrots into fourths, add to potatoes.

[3] Peel & cut onion into thick slices, place on top of potatoes and carrots.

[4] Sprinkle seasoning on top of veggies, everything except corn starch.

[5] Add can of tomatoes & red wine.

[6] Place meat on top of everything, this is how to get a little crust on the meat which I like.

[7] Pour water on top.

[8] Cook on high for 5 hours or low for 8.

[9] When stew is done cooking mix cornstarch with 2 tbs. of water, then add to stew pot to thicken juices.

[10] If you're doing this true Papa Andy style serve with white rice & soy sauce!  Yummy!

....So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.....

M is for Mango.

I don't know how this happened but we somehow ended up with mangoes all over our house recently.

Bags of them, bowls of them, the house smelled like ripe mangoes.

It was awesome......for me anyways.

 Andy remembered a little too late how allergic he is to mango tree sap and licked a bunch of the skins when he was peeling them for me and ended up with a bad allergic reaction all over his face for like a week.  Sorry babe. 

This could basically be an ode to mangoes cause I really do love them, growing up with my VERY Filipino grandparents for awhile it was like an apple to us.  I have fond memories of my Grandpa sitting at his kitchen table watching The Price is Right, chewing on a mango seed & eating rice or fish. 

I also have not so fond memories of my Grandma comparing me to a sack of rice while shopping for a prom dress, but that's just how Filipino she is.  

Both in insults and the fact that, that is what she would choose to compare me to.  

I love mangoes cold, as I do all fruit, room temperature fruit is just not my thing. 

My daughter loves dried mango and my Mom loves Mango-a-Go-Gos from Jamba Juice.

So many happy memories all from a humble fruit, which I also happen to think are one of the prettiest inside and out. I'm eagerly awaiting our trip to the Philippines next year to learn more about my family, cause I know there's more to us than mangoes & mah-jong right? 

So when all these mangoes came around we cut a bunch up to freeze for smoothies or just to eat frozen, so yummy.  I made a batch of Mango Cupcakes with Dulce De Leche frosting for my friend's birthday and this mango salsa.  It was the clear winner of the 3 and I never write up savory [ish] recipes and this is my own creation so I'm pretty proud of it.

This is a really easy recipe, just lots of chopping required but it's great for the Summer.

A little spicy, a little sweet.  Just like my Grandpa Pete.

Piccolo Pete's Mango Salsa

2 Limes

2 Jalapeños

1 red onion

3 mangoes 

[I know, there are 2 in the picture but I ended up using more.  Geez.]

1 small handful cilantro

Sea Salt

[1] Peel and dice mangoes, put into large bowl.

[2] Cut the ends off the onion, dice small.  Add to bowl.

[3] Cut ends off jalapeños and remove seeds if you want it less spicy, I kept mine in.

Dice small.  Wash your hands.  With soap.

[4] Add jalapeños to bowl.  Cut limes in half and squeeze juice of both into bowl.

[5] Chop cilantro and add to bowl.  Season with salt to taste and toss!

Serve with tortilla chips, on fish tacos, whatever!

This is a good one to make the day before too cause as it sits it gets better. 

See.  Lots of chopping, and a baby bump.

The finished product!  I think everything looks nicer in a Mason jar. 

Why I DON'T believe marriage should be illegal until age 25.

Woke up this morning having horrible round ligament pains, basically just a crappy pain in your stomach that you get when your pregnant.  And lucky for me, or not, the more pregnancies the worse they hurt and the more often you get them. 

So anyways.....I got out of bed long enough to make the Terrible Three waffles and crawled right back in to see if I could wait out the pain.  Surfing around on the iPad and I came across this article in The Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-nagy/why-i-believe-marriage-sh_b_1547156.html

The author tells about why she believes marriage should be illegal until the age of 25.

Basically, she got married when she was 24 because she felt like "it was thing thing to do" and at the age of 29 is now divorced.

Argh!  Are you kidding me?!  Usually I can blow off something like this or just rant to Andy about it but it just bothered me.  She continues to go on about how 20-25 is about finding yourself, and this is done apparently by drinking a lot and going to parties to put yourself in bad situations.  

I got married when I was 20.  Was I ready?  No.  Was it the smartest idea?  Probably not.  But I don't have a problem admitting that because there is no shame in WORKING HARD for something.  In the almost 8 years we have been married, and over 10 we have been together we have faced a lot of heartache.  We do not have a perfect relationship or claim to, and we are finding out more and more together how much we need to have God in our marriage to make it work.

If you focus on your wedding day more than your marriage that's probably not the best idea.  Our wedding day was NOT the best day of my life, I was stressed, pissed and being told by everyone else what I needed to do.  But to say drinking and partying is the way to finding yourself, which of course you do by the time you're 25, cause we all have our shit together by then right?  Is ridiculous.

I am still finding myself.  Learning to be the woman, wife & mother that God is calling me to be.

And for me, I need my husband there by my side.  If I had waited until 25 to get married I possibly would not be married to the man I  am today,  it is much easier to break a pinky promise than a sacrament.  There have been times when I have wanted to walk away, to give up and "find myself" but I know my identity is not IN my husband but WITH him. 

We both have so much to learn but I would never want to do it without him and without him I would not be the woman I am today.  

So go ahead and say marriage should be illegal until age 25, but age is not some magic number of getting all the partying out of your system, of growing up all of a sudden, of being able to make a commitment. Marriage is something that is work, a constant evolving, sacrifice, compromise and commitment to love even when you don't feel like you can.  And there is no age you can place on that.

[Our wedding day.  11.20.2004]

Aloha & Cupcakes!

Welcome to Hawaii!  The land of Aloha. 

Adventures in Honolulu's Chinatown!

I would consider us adventurers.  

We haven't always been and often Andy & I talk about how much we wish we would have started BEFORE we had kids, you know, when we had money & time.  But I guess we had an early beginning to adult/married life and kind of grew up as we realized we might have to teach our kids how to do the same one day.  So yesterday we had to go into Honolulu to do some paperwork for Andy's new job, [hallelujah!] and our friends happened to be in Chinatown to walk around and we asked to join them.

We hadn't been to Chinatown since before we moved in 2008 so it was fun to see everything again.  So much fresh produce & seafood with great prices, we will definitely be back!

And in true adventurer spirit Andy and Oliver tried chicken feet for the first time.  Mmm gelatinous! 

I love taking our kids to experience new things, and living on a small budget, it never ceases to amaze me how much you can experience with a small amount of money and some blessings from friends.

 [Thank you Sonia for a delicious lunch! :]

We wandered around the markets for awhile, just taking everything in, enjoying being out of the house, the clear skies and the pleasure of good company.  

Tip:  If you go during a state or federal holiday parking in any municipal parking is only $3.00 max!  We happened to go on King Kamehameha Day so lucky us!

[A clock tower with the numbers in Chinese]

After a lot of walking, and picture taking for me.  Ever the snap happy tourist.  We finally made it to our lunch destination of Tai Pan Dim Sum.  I love dim sum, the original "small plates."  It's so fun to share a meal with a lot of people open to anything, passing food and trying whatever looks good.
We did have a bit of trouble with the waitresses since they only spoke Chinese, it took us about 3/4 of our meal to realize we should just order by number.  My favorite were these tasty deep-fried seaweed rolls stuffed with shrimp.  Yum!  Lily can be good at trying foods and did have a Shrimp Shumai but in the end liked her hot dog manapua the best.

[Mango shave milk with lilikoi & condensed milk]

After lunch we strolled back to our cars stopping for a frozen treat at Hula Boba.  They make a tasty shaved ice there that is frozen strawberries [or mangoes] and soy milk.  Such a fun day & our grand total spent came out to $10!  It's always fun to go off the beaten path, experience something new and usually spend a lot less money!  You might get lost, might eat something weird, or not know how to speak the language but that's the fun of it right?

I want to raise my children to be adventurers, to not be afraid to try new things, to not be afraid to fail, because they will, don't we all?  But trying is still worth it.  We can live a life inside but how will we learn about this beautiful world that God has given us?

Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise from the ends of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it, you islands, and all who live in them.
Isaiah 42:9-11

Reject panic with praise. Replace worry with worship. Relieve anxiety with adoration. ♥

Reject panic with praise. Replace worry with worship. Relieve anxiety with adoration. ♥

I came across this the other day and fell in love with it immediately.  I have always been a person filled with panic, worry, & anxiety.  And it seems God can sense what I need and put these words in front of me.  I thought about them all last night and today during church, the last few days have been rough for me.  My body just feels tired, my mind almost feels like it's racing and blank at the same time and although nothing is really "wrong" something just doesn't feel right.

Ever since some bad things have happened in my life I can panic pretty easily.  That something is going to go wrong, what will I do, how will I take care of it, etc.  I feel like I've always been a pretty self sufficient person and even after almost 8 years of marriage my natural instinct of, I don't need anybody I can take care of myself, will fight it's way out.  I have a hard time genuinely trusting people because of the panic of when they will leave me, use or hurt me.  So I tried to take that panic and reject it, to believe in God's goodness and knowing HE will never leave me nor forsake me.  So today, I praised him.  I played drums for worship at church & I even sang today.  Drums are my thing, putting myself in the front so people can focus on me, are not.  So I closed my eyes and imagined I was playing for him, and I was.  And I know in front of God I will never be lacking.  Or maybe the truth, I will always be lacking, but for him I will always be enough.

Worry. Worry. Worry.

Bad things will happen in our lives, that is the way of a sinful world.  But what good comes from constant worrying?  I'm like most mothers, I worry about something bad happening to my children.  I worry about them when I'm away from them and I worry about the things I do effecting them in ways I hope it won't. I worry about our finances, about paying bills, about our car passing safety check.  There's not much I don't worry about but the relief lately has been letting that worry go.  It's natural to worry, but what can that change?  And the things I have never worried about were the things that came true, so maybe that was my unfortunate lesson that regardless of all the worrying in the world it won't change what is happening. So I have slowly learned to give those worries to God, along with all that panic and anxiety.  And yes, I still do worry but to worship Him does far better to my soul than all the worrying in the world.

Anxiety, ahh my arch nemesis.  The bane of my existence.  My own personal demon.

More than panic & worry combined is my anxiety.  Anxiety that I just might never get it right, that anything good that might happen is just a pre-cursor to the bad about to fall down around me.

Anxiety that combined with low self-esteem made for a pretty self hating teenage girl. 

Sometimes I yearn to take it all back, to trust God then like I do now.  To have always been able to put my worth in him, but that's just not how things work. And I can only be very, very, very thankful that I trust him now.  My anxiety still comes, and with it the devil brings his lies.  But now I can fight him, and not let myself believe maybe hurting myself would make it all better.  Or maybe just take away that pain for a little bit.  I adore God.  He is my salvation.  My peace. And wouldn't it be sweet to never have to panic & worry but for now, when I do, I will try my hardest to praise and worship Him instead. 

It's a Girl Raspberry Blondies!

Baby boom time!!!  

I have so many pregnant friends right now all due right around the same time, unfortunately I don't live by any of them so I just have to make do with virtually feeling connected to all of them and watch their bellies grow on Facebook.  I love being due around the same time as people I know just to enjoy being pregnant together, go through each stage together, etc.  It's right around the time when everyone starts finding out the gender of the babies.  One of the funnest parts of pregnancy to me.  

We didn't find out for Oliver but from the beginning my Mommy intuition told me boy and it drove me crazy more than anything to not be able to prepare and choose a name that this time around we knew we would be finding out asap!

So it seems a lot of us are having girls!!!  This is where the cutesy side of me kicks in and I can't stop looking at bows, pink, frilly, adorable-y girls only type stuff.  So far I have 8 friends expecting girls, 4 that have recently delivered girls & just 1 expecting a boy.  As well as a few more expecting to find out in the next few weeks.  So I'm not sure what's going on, maybe the world needs more sweetness or isn't afraid of the hormones but watch out cause the girls are coming! 

Yesterday another one of my friends announced that she is expecting her 3rd girl. 

When I'm pregnant with a girl I can tell because I start craving sweets immediately!  I used to kind of brush off that kind of stuff, like how can you just tell what you're having?  By random cravings and what you "think"?  But after 4 pregnancies I think I can finally say I believe Mother's Intuition is a powerful thing!  

So in honor of the girls.  Sweet things that they are and make me crave and a little pink for fun I baked up these Raspberry Blondies yesterday.  Sweet and a little tart, kinda like my Lily Pax.

These are great to make when your pregnant too, I call them a one bowl wonder.  Only one bowl for everything when baking is a rare thing.  Enjoy! 

Raspberry Blondies

1 cup AP flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

8 tbs. [1 stick] unsalted butter at room temp.

1 cup packed light brown sugar

1 large egg

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1/2 cup almonds chopped

1 cup fresh raspberries

Zest from 1 lemon

[1] In a stand mixer cream together sugar & butter.  

[2] Add the egg, vanilla, lemon zest & salt.

[3] Slowly add in baking powder and flour until combined.

[4] Fold in chopped almonds.

[5] Line an 8x8 baking pan with parchment paper, making sure some over hangs.

[6] Spread batter evenly in pan with spatula.

[7] Sprinkle berries on top.

[8] Bake at 350 degrees F for 35-40 minutes.

[9] Let cool and refrigerate for 1 hour before cutting into squares.

And a side note, I am officially 24 weeks today!

This pregnancy is flying by and I can't wait to meet our sweet little Tulip Bea. <3

Don't tell me what to do [or] why I hate baby sign language.

We have recently been teaching Oliver baby sign language, we went to a free preview class that one of my parenting groups had and we all enjoyed it, big kids and all.

I see the benefits of it, I really do.  It's kind of amazing to see a child that can't talk yet really communicate with you.  The problem is, I don't like being told what to do.  

Not by my husband, not by my kids, and yes I admit it, sometimes not by God.  So while this baby sign language could be an wonderful exploration into how much smarter your baby is then the next, it has become a twisted game Oliver likes to play.

We learned a ton of fruit & veggie signs at the class along with some easy basic like please, thank you, more, etc.  Oliver has learned MORE.  Oh sure, on occasion if he feels like it he will sign "please" and "all done" usually "all done" after he has thrown his plate of food on the floor so it's already pretty obvious.  But "more" is his favorite!  And eat, of course.  

It's a frustrating thing to have a 1 year old follow you around all day long signing eat, more, more, more, more!  Like a 4 year old that asks "Why?" constantly.  It's cute in the beginning, but after about 3 days you're going crazy.

I have no idea what he wants more of?  I ask him and he'll storm to the fridge or go to the pantry and randomly start pulling things off the shelves like Panko bread crumbs & fast acting yeast.  I honestly doubt he wants more of that.  So yeah, at the age of one I feel like he's just messing with me.

And he knows it.

Ollie trying to look innocent after demanding MORE, MORE, MORE! 

He finally conceded that more watermelon was actually what he wanted.  

But darn it my kids are cute & adorable and all that other proud Mommy stuff and no matter how much I might complain I love them more than I could ever imagine. 

So here's a recipe for some fun treats I made for them today, hopefully to take on a  zoo trip this weekend!

Honey Nut-O Treats!

1 cup granulated sugar

1 cup honey

1 cup creamy peanut butter

1 tsp. vanilla

5 cups Cheerios [or generic Toasted O's like us cool Moms do]

[1] Mix the honey and sugar in a medium sauce pan.  Bring to a boil, stirring constantly.

[2] Let boil for about a minute until everything is smooth.

[3] Turn the heat off and add peanut butter and vanilla.  Whisk. 

[4] Add in the Cheerios and stir to coat everything evenly.

[5] Drop spoonfuls of the mixture onto waxed paper and let cool!

I keep these in the fridge cause it's humid here so they take awhile to set up.
Edit: Also I suggest making these pretty small, while the kids liked the taste they are hard to eat!  I would just use a greased teaspoon and make small drops, you will get a ton that way too! :)

Have fun! 

5 in 5. Edition: 2

Again, I will tell you just how much I love an easy project! 

I don't mind elaborate ones as well but it usually helps me if I have most things on hand and I can do them in under 30 minutes, cause that's about as much time as a child under 2 will probably ever give you.

So here's another set!  

1.  Slow Cooker Dulce De Leche

[1] Slow Cooker [2] Mason Jar [3] Water [4] Sweetened Condensed Milk

So easy & tasty!  I used this to top mango cupcakes and stirred it into my iced coffee but it would also be good in brownies or pretty much anything!  Just open up the can of milk, place into a clean mason jar and close tightly, you can also do this directly in the can but it creeped me out a little and you're probably going to want to put it in something else so you might as well do it to begin with.  Put the mason jar in your slow cooker and make sure it is completely covered with water!  Put it on high for 6 hours or low for 8.  The advantage of doing it in the jar as well is that you can see through it and see how dark your Leche is getting.  Yummy! 

2.  Tooth Fairy Money

[1] Dollar Bill [2] Hair Spray [3] Glitter

Our oldest, Lily, just lost her 1st tooth last week!  This made me want to cry and also have slight flash forwards of a teenage daughter and how much I hope God does not show me what I deserve from my teenage years.  We were so excited to do tooth fairy things & make it magical, etc.  Then she told us that her Aunt had already told her that I'M the tooth fairy.  Buzz kill man.  But we went ahead and made it fun, for us, and hoping she might still believe a little bit.  When she woke up the next morning to glittery money and her tooth missing she was pretty amazed. :)  5 year olds are so easy to fool.  Really. 

The money is a lot glittery than it looks in this picture and super simple!  Just spray the bill with the hairspray and shake on the glitter!  It dries really quickly too!

3. Cousin Jaz's Mexican Squash Casserole

[1] 1 Zucchini [2] I can of corn [3] 1 small can of tomato sauce [4] Shredded Cheddar Cheese 

First off, I will say I consider oil, salt & pepper to be freebies.  You will need all of those here!

I can't remember exactly when I learned how to make this but one of my favorite in-laws taught me how to make it!  I know it was a long time ago, maybe when we lived in Guadalupe and Jaz worked at the awesome Hot Dog on a Stick in Santa Maria.  Either way, good memories come with this recipe & I wish I got to see this beautiful woman more often than I do. 

Slice a zucchini in half & then into half moon pieces.  Not super thin, this will cook in a pan and then bake so you don't want it mushy.  Heat oil in a pan and sauté zucchini with a little salt & pepper.  About 5 minutes, add 1 can drained corn or fresh if you have it, even better!  I like a little char on my corn then I add the can of tomato sauce.  Mix well and pour into a baking dish, it's a pretty wet mixture.  Top with as much cheese as you like, I LOVE cheese as you can see.  Bake at 400 degree F just until cheese is melted and it's done!  Andy loves this with rice and pork chops.  It's the Mexi/Filipino in him.

4.  Spring Clean your mattress!

[1] Baking Soda [2] Lavender Oil [3] Mason Jar [4] Sieve [5] Vacuum

I have an obsession with cleaning and I have a really sensitive nose.  Two random facts about me that happen to match up.  I can't stand bad smelling things or just random funk.  We got a mattress from a friend when we moved back here, for which I am very thankful!  I figured a good cleaning never did any mattress bad and the lavender helps promote good sleep.  After we did this our mattress smelled so fresh, ahhh.  Fill a mason jar, with baking soda and about 4-5 drops of Lavender oil.  Shake well.  This recipe made enough to clean my mattress twice, you could do carpets with it as well, etc. And since nothing in here is toxic and even edible I don't mind the kids playing in it while it "soaks."  Use the sieve to sprinkle the mixture over your mattress and let it sit for at least 30 minutes.  I let mine sit for a few hours cause really it can't hurt.  Then vacuum!  If you have a hose attachment that would be awesome, we don't so I just lift the whole vacuum up. 

5.  Make a Happy Birthday balloon number!

[1] Balloons [2] Tape

This one is pretty obvious but still I had never thought of it until I discovered Pinterest, uh-oh.  For Jonas' 4th birthday this year we didn't have a big party like we have had every year before so I wanted to make sure we had different ways to show him how special he is to us & how excited we were for his birthday!  We did this on our living room wall after he went to sleep so when he woke up he was pretty excited.  

Blow up your balloons, how many you need depends on your number, how big you want it, etc.  One multi colored bag from Target was more than enough for us.  Don't blow them up too big otherwise they'll be a pain to stick to the wall.  I taped the base of each balloon and once I had them all in place I used rolls of tape to stick all the balloons to one another, it really helped.

Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.
Ecclesiastes 11:5-7