Awkward. [Slow Cooker Honey Parmesan Pork Recipe]

I have always been a person that can't take a compliment.  I just don't know how to handle it.

Maybe it's my self-deprecating nature that I haven't quite gotten rid of, but I can never just nod and say "Oh, yes thank you!"  I always feel like I need to justify why that compliment doesn't really apply to me how someone else could have/did do it better, how it's not really what you think, how I'm really just not enough. 

Compliment:  "You're looking great after the baby!"

Me: " Well not really.....I'm still above my pre-pregnancy weight, years of being a fat girl have helped me learn how to dress and mask the tummy flab."

Compliment:  "You always do so much with your kids!"

Me: "Eh, well I mean, Andy helps a lot and I'm usually screaming at them so I don't know if it counts."

Compliment: "That's cool you play drums for your church."

"You take good pictures!"

"You're always cooking such yummy stuff!"

Me: "I'm not that good tho, I just do it cause Andy does."

"I just have a good camera."

"I'm ok but it's really just a way to save money, the chicken I made the other night was too salty.  Boo."

As I write these things I know they are real responses to things people have said to me.  And it's not to say, oh look how awesome that I am just complimented constantly!  No.  It's more of a wake-up call to myself to accept them.  To be happy and take some credit for the work I put in everyday to raise my kids, take care of my family, further my education, be a healthier happier person.  Why is it so hard for me to be kind to others, to give compliments and really mean them but when it's the other way around I am so convinced that the person is just "being nice?"

How do I expect my children to be proud of themselves if I can never be proud of myself?

I hope my kids grow-up to know they are beautiful. strong. smart. kind. handsome. funny.

When someone tells me anything slightly complimentary I always have the urge to shrug it off, look the other way, the one exception to this rule is Andy.  He can tell me I'm pretty all day and I'll just blush cause I'm really just a sucker for my husband. 

So maybe I need to change that.  It's ok to be proud of myself.

To be proud of my homebirth, of my strength as a woman.

To be proud of myself for going back to school after 9 years while 8 months pregnant.

To be proud of myself for getting through the hardest year of my life and grown from it,

proud of myself for the strength God has given me.  

It has taken me years to finally like myself, the person I have become, and maybe now I can accept that other people just might like me too. :) 

Time for food!  Made this pork in the slow cooker the other day and the combo was unexpected but super tasty!  Haven't used the slow cooker in awhile and it reminded me why I like it so much!

Slow Cooker Parmesan Pork

1 [3-5] Pork Roast or [3-4] Thick Cut Boneless Pork Chops

3/4 cup fresh grated Parmesan Cheese

1/2 cup honey

3 tbs. Soy Sauce

2 tbs. dried Basil

4 cloves garlic, minced

2 tbs. Olive Oil

1/2 tsp. salt

2 tbs.  Cornstarch

1/4 cup water

[1] Place pork in the bottom of Crock Pot.

[2] In a medium bowl whisk together all ingredients.

[3] Cook on low for 6-7 hours or on high for 5 hours.

Chow down! 

Faux Fall. [Fall Truffles!]

Oh how I love fall.  It means the holidays are coming, 

Starbucks starts carrying Pumpkin Spice, and I can force the kids to watch Nightmare Before Christmas at least a dozen times between October and December.   I used to look forward to pulling out my moccasins and beanies, leaves changing, the smell of fireplaces in the air.

But alas, not here.  I know it's horrible to complain about living in Hawaii but one of the hardest parts for me has always been the lack of seasons.  Sure, Summer is fun, once a year when you've been waiting to go swimming and BBQ and if you're lucky, someone you know has a boat.  When every month is pretty much the same temperature: give or take humidity, Vog, or a rainbow it's not so fun.

[No, no, nope, no, none, & no.]

It's weird cause I always get slightly depressed just missing the gray cold weather, the overcast days and chilly nights.  So for now, while we're here, I guess I'll just have to pretend...I'll pretty much make anything involving pumpkin.  Cook soup in my crock pot and act like we're not sweating as we eat it and without an air conditioner I can't even pretend it's cold!  

Maybe cause I've just had a baby and I'm all sappy or whatever but the holidays always remind me of extended family.  Of taking the kids to Apple Hill to pick fresh apples and jump in leaf piles.  Watching A Christmas Story all bundled up, cooking Mexican food with Andy's family or stopping by all the relatives houses on Halloween so the kid's can score extra candy.  All of it just makes me miss home.  

Then I remember what I have.  My FOUR beautiful children.  Going to the beach in October.

Flip flops in December, which I would do anyways in San Francisco and then cry for Andy to give me his socks cause I made a "bad choice."  

[Our little Jack-O-Lantern!  Lily Pax at the Waimanalo Country Farms Pumpkin Patch.]

So yes, I miss the Fall.  And I hope to experience it again someday, and at that point I will probably complain about something else.  But for now I will be happy with what I have, with searching for Halloween costumes that won't give the kids heat rash, for baking Pumpkin muffins in my sweltering kitchen, for the changing of seasons to mean only bigger waves, painting our pumpkins instead of carving them cause the heat makes them rot in about a day, for bringing my favorite sweaters to class because it's my only chance to wear them.  

I have a wonderful [hot] life that I get to share with the people I love more than anyone in this world.

I miss Northern California.  I miss a lot of the people there.  I miss spending holidays with them but I am so thankful for the opportunities we have here, to grow as a family, to be active in our church, for the kids to be in a Christmas Choir thats says "Mele Kalikimaka!"  That I can wear a sundress on New Year's Eve, without a coat.  That I can match my Halloween to my black flip flops.  

So be happy with where you are while you're there.  && if you're not, do something to change it.  

Otherwise don't complain to me, cause that's just annoying. 

[Fall Truffles!  No-Bake Deliciousness.]

Fall Truffles 

1/2 cup Pumpkin Puree

1/2 cup powdered sugar

1 8 oz. block of Cream Cheese

2 cups Graham Cracker Crumbs

2 cups Chocolate Chips

Pumpkin Pie Spice [optional]

[1] In a food processor or plastic bag crush your graham crackers to equal 2 cups, it took me a little less than 3 sleeves out of the graham cracker box.

[2] In a large mixing bowl beat together the pumpkin puree, powdered sugar, cream cheese & graham cracker crumbs.

[3] I would refrigerate this mixture for at least an hour, overnight would be fine.  I didn't and the mixture was hard to work with.

[4] When mixture is cold scoop out tablespoons, or so...make them however small or big you want them to be!  Roll into balls.

[5] Dip balls into melted chocolate.  I just melted my chocolate chips in the microwave on 25 second intervals, stirring after every time. You could also use a double boiler if you have a bunch of extra time on your hands or something. 

[6] Make sure balls are completely covered in chocolate and drop onto waxed paper to cool.  They are supposed to look like truffles, the fungus, so not perfect is good in this case! 

[7] Sprinkle tops with a little pumpkin pie spice.

[8] Refrigerate again && enjoy! 

Happy Little Placenta Pills. [Warning: Graphic! I guess?]

Here they are!  My magic little happy placenta pills.  

And now, here's how we made them.

But first, your probably wondering WHY a pretty much normal human being would choose to eat their own organ.  Because, I secretly want to be a cannibal and this is the only semi-socially acceptable way to do it.  Kidding.  

There are a ton of reasons:

* Instead of a synthetic drug they contain my OWN hormones.

* Naturally perfectly made for my baby, by me. 

* Replenishes depleted iron after giving birth.

* Helps increase milk supply.

* Lessens bleeding afterbirth. 

And my biggies....

* Helps with Post Partum Depression.

* Energy! 

After each baby I have struggled with PPD and every time I have gone to my doctor and they prescribe me some kind of pill that basically turns me into a zombie.  No thanks.  So I take them for awhile, feel weird and not myself, sure, not anxious either but....pretty much nothing.  Then I decide I hate feeling like that and stop taking them all together, which I've heard is a no-no.

When I heard about placenta encapsulation it just made sense to me?  Sometimes I struggle with my hippie self vs. my Catholic type self.  I'm a Republican.  I eat my placenta.  They just don't always seem to fit hand in hand.  But every once in awhile, in my mind they do.  In my quest to become a doula/midwife/placenta encapsulator it's always been so reassuring to me that women were created by God to do the job our bodies were made to do.  

My placenta fresh out of the womb!  

My awesome hubby doing all the dirty work, actually pretty much all the work while I sat and watched and cuddled my baby. :)  What he's stretching out is actually my water bag, where baby Tulip chilled for a good 9 months!  My midwife said I had a strong water bag which weirdly made me feel proud of myself.  

Taking off the membranes, their are two layers of them.

The darker spots are calcifications which happen when the placenta is trying to block things like chemicals in cleaners and smoke.  It's a pretty amazing organ! & no more painting houses while pregnant.....sorry placenta.  Things like alcohol pass through the placenta tho and go right to the baby.

Membranes off.  Feeling a little bit like Dexter. 

The family that encapsulates together, stays together!

The sliced placenta getting ready to be dehydrated!  We did the raw method with no extra herbs or spices cause I didn't know how they would react with my body and I just wanted the purest form possible.  After it was all dry we ground it up and put it into pills! I've been taking the pills since 3 days post partum and they have definitely helped with the energy & anxiety.  I'm really happy I got to do this with at least one of my babies and now I hope I get to help other Mamas experience the same thing!

The Birth of Tulip Bea.

Oh my little Tulip Bea.  

This is my hardest birth story to writet by far, because I just don't know where to begin?

I guess I'll start from what I consider the beginning of labor.  

For at least a few weeks before she was born I started getting pretty consistent contractions.  I would have them for 10 hours straight about 10 minutes apart and then I would just go to sleep or take a shower and they would stop.  The contractions weren't painful, just uncomfortable at the most because I could definitely feel them happening.  

On September 26th I had a midwife appt. and at this point had already been having pretty regular contractions on and off.  My beautiful, awesome, amazing midwife, Selena, checked me and let me know I probably had at least another week.  Not exactly what I wanted to hear but I was ok with it.

For the next week anytime I started having contractions I would do anything I could to get them to turn into "real" labor.  Walking up and down flights of stairs, rubbing my belly with Clary Sage oil, bouncing on my birthing ball, etc. etc.

[One of my last belly pictures.  Obviously things weren't too intense at this point.]

Wednesday the 3rd we went back for another check up and I was 4 cm dilated!  Woo!

I was amazed because with all my other labors I didn't dilate until I was in active labor.  But at this point I still hadn't felt much.  I was 4 cm, 70% effaced and baby was at 0 station.  Hanging out waiting to drop.  Selena let me go home but told me to keep checking in and come back if my water broke because her home in Makaha is about 40 minutes away without traffic, at least an hour and thirty during rush hour and as a 4th time Mom labor could come on quicker than I might expect.  She also did a cervical massage and had me drink Black/Blue Cohosh in attempts to get the contractions going.

Note: Black & Blue Cohosh is disgusting!

Went back home and had another 7-8 hours of contractions.  They still weren't painful so I decided to try and sleep in case labor started soon.  Woke up through the night, lost my mucus plug and then nothing.  The next morning Selena wanted me to come back just in case again.

I took my 2nd Human Development test [got a B!] packed up the car, left the kids with my Stepmom and we headed back to Makaha.  With of course a quick stop at Target to shop and pick up ingredients for Sinigang Soup.

We got to Makaha around 2:30 and she checked me again, 

I was 90% effaced, baby at +1 & 9 cm dilated! 

And then the wait began.  More waiting.  After a check 6 hours later nothing had changed and I still wasn't feeling any pain.  Andy & I walked down to the Turtle Cove and relaxed, checked out the tide pools, messed around with some turtles and hermit crabs and then headed back to the house.

At this point Selena wanted me to stay and I agreed, I was close enough [I hoped!] that going back to Waipahu wasn't a good idea.  More cervical massage, walked up and down the stairs, bounced on the ball, MORE Black & Blue Cohosh, and Andy cooked a big pot of Sinigang Soup for everyone to share.

[Laboring by the sea at the Turtle Cove behind my midwife's house.]

Finally around 10pm I gave in again and decided just to rest.  I had gotten in and out of the birthing tub a few times to try it out but because labor was taking so long it kept cooling down to a lukewarm, icky feeling [to me] temperature so I didn't like it as much as I was anticipating.

Fell asleep and woke up around 1:30 when Grace, my midwife asst./doula, was doing some fetal heart checks.  Started feeling contractions a little at this point and they seemed like they MIGHT be getting stronger so I decided to stay awake and see what happened.  

Took a hot bath, which made my contractions stop completely so I got out.  Around 3:30am I FINALLY started feeling them!  At this point I was so tired of waiting and wondering and somehow even doubting that this baby would ever come out that I was glad to be feeling something! 

Around 4:30 the contractions started getting to the unbearable point and I asked to be checked so I could gauge how much time I thought I might have left.  Surprise, it was time to push!  Heck yeah.

The first few pushes felt awesome as opposed to the pain of contractions but for some reason the contractions after that were excruciating.  At this point I was super tired after 3 days of not much sleep and despite me thinking I would want to be in the tub or in a different position the most comfortable thing for me was laying down propped up on pillows.

[Our newest squishy.  Sweetheart Tulip Bea. <3]

My midwife was super calming and gentle and I had a great support system with Grace and Andy reassuring me that I could do it when I was literally screaming that I couldn't do it anymore.

I pushed opposite of my contractions for awhile because it was the only thing I could do and I pushed when I felt like it, I got to watch in the mirror and could see Tulip making her way down.

At this point my water still hadn't broken and we were wondering if we might get one of those cool babies born in the caul.  The next contraction I was able to push with and my water bag popped and Andy & Selena were quick enough to jump out of the way!

A few pushes after that she was crowning and I could definitely feel this little girl had a big head!  

Selena tried to slow me down but at this point I wasn't in the mood to listen to anybody and pushed anyways.  Tulip came out with her hand next to her face [nuchal hand] which I have now researched can "cause intense pain."  Sounds about right.  

Born right into her Daddy's arms. <3

[Just born. <3]

She was born at 5:19am on October 5th, 2012.

8 lbs. 2 oz. 18 inches long.

Our little pumpkin.  Our shortest and chubbiest baby yet!

I don't know if your labor and birth have anything to do with a baby's personality but Tulip Bea is definitely a sweetheart.  She had a gentle slow calm journey into this world and is such a peaceful baby.

Her name definitely suits her, she is our Forgiveness baby, reminding us we all need forgiveness.

Bea means blessed & she who brings happiness.  She is such a blessing to us and I cannot stop kissing her fat little cheeks.

I am so thankful for the way she was brought into this world, that I had such a safe and comforting place to give birth.  That I had such supportive people with me for the end of this pregnancy journey and I'm still just amazed at all of it. 

What to bring to the home birth away from home. [Nutella Cookie Crisps!]

With my impending labor coming any day now, really ANY DAY.  Hopefully.  I pray.

I was browsing Pinterest and as much as I love that site, like super love it, as I'm sure most of you can tell sometimes the things I see are just ridiculous?  

Or maybe just ridiculous to me.  Like one pin was 100 Toddler Meals!

Goldfish crackers & cut up hot dogs?  Wow, thanks for the tips Pinterest.  But I'll pass.

So I thought what would be a helpful list for me?  I know I have a certain niche I'm looking for and couldn't find it and blog material has been weak lately so I decided to post a list of what I'm bringing for my home birth away from home. 

Also a little side plug and because as always I'm not actually sure where I'm going with any of this, if you are at all interested in home birth 

watch the first 15 minutes of Jim Gaffigan's Mr. Universe stand-up.

hi.la.rious.  

Ask my husband, he had to listen to me busting up for an hour and a half.  

[Note to self!!!]

Note: I haven't actually had this birth yet so some of these things might be unnecessary, pretty much the same as when you pack a hospital bag and never end up using the yoga mat and birthing ball cause they won't let you get out of bed.  Hmm. 

So first things first! 

Baby stuff:

Car Seat

 [As hippie as we may be we still believe in safety, 

can't wear the baby in a Moby wrap home unfortunately.]

My Mom sent us this cool thing called a Pattem, which is basically like a big round changing pad that you unfold and it has small pockets all around for the baby's stuff.  It's kind of amazing when you breastfeed what a small amount of stuff a newborn really needs besides Mommy!

So in her Pattem is:  2 cloth G-Diapers in XS, 4 diaper inserts, 8 cloth wipes, her little Bee coming home outfit, 2 headband bows [cause I can't resist] Yellow & White, in case she's born with crazy amounts of hair like her big sister! Monogrammed wet bag, cause she's fancy, && a muslin swaddling blanket! 

[The Pattem!]

We will probably only be at the midwife's house for about 4 hours or so after birth so this should be plenty!  I think.....I hope.  Like I said I've never done this before so I'm getting kinda Type A on myself thinking everything is going to go wrong last minute.  Ack. 

Now for the Mommy bag!

. 1 package Chucks Pads [birth is a messy ordeal!]

.1 package giant size pads. [so fun!]

.brush [Just cause I like my hair to be brushed. Haha.]

.Bathing Suit

.Sarong

.Camera w/charged battery & camera card

.Comfy outfit to wear home

.Peri Bottle

.Gum

.Chapstick

.Massage Oil & Cream

.Lavender, Wild Orange & Clary Sage Essential Oils

.Contacts & Solution [I have a feeling my glasses will drive me nuts if I end up doing water birth]

.Emergen-C & Calcium w/Magnesium Pills to make Labor-Aid

.Toothbrush

So that's it!  Still sounds like a lot and I guess it is but my midwife has all the fun stuff at her house like the birthing tub, birthing ball, etc.  I really can't wait for this little girl to get here and even to get to experience giving birth again, especially in such a different way than my first 3.

Hopefully the next blog I write is about the birth of  Tulip Bea!

Even 40+ weeks pregnant I still have cravings.  Honestly, I have cravings pregnant or not.  At least I like to call them cravings, everyone else seems to just think I'm picky.  But anyways, I have been wanting CHOCOLATE.  Mmm.  After much searching for things in the pantry I found all the stuff I needed for these guys, and chocolatey they were! 

Nutella Cookie Crisps

1/2 cup Nutella

1/2 cup Brown Sugar

1/2 cup chocolate chips

1/2 beaten egg [Weird I know but I cut the original recipe in half.]

1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda

3 tbs. Flour

[1] Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

[2] Mix all ingredients except chocolate chips together.

[3] Gently fold in chocolate chips.

[4] Drop tablespoons of dough onto parchment paper, about 3 inches apart.

These WILL spread!

[5] Bake about 9 minutes, watch them!  

Let cool and enjoy!

They come out kinda soft & chewy in the middle and crunchy on the edges.

Addicting and chocolate overload, for sure eat these with milk!

I also recommend eating them the day of cause if they sit they'll get soft, 

which you might like but I liked them crispier. 

And just so I don't bag on Pinterest too much, forgive me Pinterest! 

I also got this super cool idea the other day and had to do it although Tulip will most likely not be eating anything for at least 9 months!  

[Hook for baby bibs on the back of your high chair!]

      I love projects that require me only to buy 1 thing, for less than $5 that I can do myself without nagging Andy to get out the drill or something.