The Pregnant Mommy Wall [w/Cheesy Chicken Jalapeno Bake]

The end is drawing near.  Just not near enough.

I've hit the pregnant Mommy wall.  And it's not even my due date yet.

Pregnant Mommy wall is kinda like what I imagine Runner's Wall is, since I don't run and have no intention to unless my life depended on it.  Some women hit that wall at 12 weeks, and you will hear ALL about it on their Facebook for the next 5 months.  Oh yes, lucky us. 

My back hurts and if not my back then my ribs or my head.  That might be from the other kids but who knows at this point?  People are starting to drive me [more] crazy than usual and Andy is doing more damage control than normal.  I really want to savor this last little bit of time, I really do, but I can't.

I'm just so grumpy.  So hot.  I feel like a roly-poly especially in the middle of the night when the thought of getting up to go to the bathroom sounds almost worst than peeing in the bed.

I'm so tired but I can't sleep. The baby feels so huge inside of me now that when she moves I literally feel elbows & knees poking out of my stomach.  Ahh, the joys of pregnancy.  As much as I complain about it all tho I am trying to hold onto that joy.  The same advice I would give to my expecting Mamas I'm trying to give myself, although I'm probably more stubborn than most of them and hate unwanted advice, even my own.

[39 weeks!]

I know in a week or two this will [most likely, please God let it be] over and these last few days will be just a blur of 3 kids instead of 4.  Of preparing for her instead of holding her.  Of feeling her stretch on the inside instead of little feet on the outside.  Pregnancy is such a short time and I know what a blessing it is that I CAN have healthy pregnancies.  I have lost babies in my lifetime and I never want to seem ungrateful for the lives we have been blessed with.  When all I want to do is complain I'm trying to remember all God has blessed me with.

The 3 beautiful faces I kiss everyday.
The 1 wonderful husband that is always there to hold my hand, and give me a shove when I need help getting out of bed.
The 2 little feet currently kicking the crap out of me from the inside.

As much as I complain I am thankful for it all.

And food!  I am so thankful for that.  I have become a ravenous beast towards the end of this pregnancy and have gained 18 pounds so far.  My inner low self-esteem teenage girl is trying not to shriek in terror and calm myself down knowing it is normal, healthy & good for the baby to gain weight.  With Lily I lost 15 pounds, with Jonas I lost 10 & with Oliver I think I gained 5 so I'm also getting a little paranoid that this is a monster little girl.

So I've been known to eat dinner.  Than a bowl of cereal & than 5 clementine oranges.
I can't be stopped.  I'm the bottomless pit!
I made this the other night and it's one of those things you just can't stop eating.
It was so good and easy.  Just one more thing to be thankful for.

Cheesy Chicken Jalapeno & Rice Bake.
[Also known as Murderous Mayan Mexican Bake,
since we've been watching a lot of Sons of Anarchy lately.]

2 cups rice [I used a mixture of white & brown but you probably could use either or]
2 cups [8 oz.] shredded Monterey Jack Cheese
2 Jalapenos diced small [We like stuff hot so do less if you don't!]
1 cup evaporated Milk
1/3 cup chopped Cilantro
1 1/2 cups cooked diced chicken [I used all white meat]
Salt & Pepper to taste
2 eggs, beaten
2 tbs. melted butter

[1] Preheat oven to 350 degrees & butter a 2 quart casserole dish.
[2] Mix all ingredients together in a bowl and pour into casserole dish.
[3] Bake for 50-60 minutes until a knife comes out clean.
[4] Enjoy!

I served this with tomato slices [for Andy] and tortilla chips, just for a crunch but it's fine without!

Rants, Raves & Peanut Butter Quinoa Cookies.

Holy crap, I don't know how it happens but I swear every time someone posts an article from Huffington Post its always some asshole that talks about how they're not going to tell people what to do, but then there they go and tell you what to do. 

The last article I read, I also blogged about when I was a fledgling blogger, oh....about 4 months ago.  It was a woman ranting why marriage under the age of 25 is stupid, she got a divorce, we're all basically the same, blah blah blah.   So I already thought "Yippee!" [in my most sarcastic tone], when I see this article going around lately.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nicola-kraus/detachment-parenting-sears_b_1852579.html

It's another woman talking about how AWESOME she is a parent and how easy it is for her daughter to go to sleep.  All the awesome sleeping & screwing she does and once again, why her way is the best.

I honestly don't know why I let these things get to me.  

First off, I am not an attachment parent.  I won't label myself in anyway cause if I do, I'll fall short.  I already know it.  I REALLY don't like being told what to do, whether by some random blogger on the internet or Dr. Sears, I'm sorry but each family works differently.  I personally don't feel like some random guidelines are going to work well for each child and unlike the writer of this article I have 3, soon to be 4, not 1 that magically did everything I wished. 

[I couldn't think of any clever things to put with this blog so I'll just entertain you with my awesome Instagram pictures.  Here's one of a double rainbow I took the other day!]

I guess in any article of this nature the thing that bothers me is her righteous attitude about what fools attachment parents are.  Like I said, I am not an attachment parent, but please, if I have the choice lump me in with the lovers cause detachment parenting just sounds cruel.  Being proud of how you teach your child to self-soothe from the day their born to poking fun at Mayim Byalik breastfeeding until the age of 4 doesn't make you seem better.  It makes you seem rude.  It makes me think your children will grow up with the same attitude of superiority complex that you have. 

Yes, I breastfeed my children until one of us is ready to stop.

At almost 39 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old that time might come sooner rather than later. 

But guess what?  My marriage doesn't suffer from that.

Yes, I wear my children.  But surprise!  I put them in strollers and other dangerous contraptions too.

To say you know my marriage because you might have some idea of how I raise my children is wrong.

My husband and I put each other first FOR our children. 

That doesn't mean we don't get kicked in the back when one of the kids decides to get into our bed at night, or that we're not sometimes sleep deprived, I've been sleep deprived since I was 17 so really that's just a joke.  I've just traded in Halo marathon playing sessions with trying to get toddlers with night terrors back to sleep.  Same, same right? 

[Me at my maternity photo shoot last weekend at 38 weeks pregnant. 

 See?  I do love my self more than my kids. ;)] 

I'm not saying she's wrong.  For her family she might be right. 

But I would love to see if her own advice works for her 5 years & 2 more children from now. 

Any who!  On to food!

My midwife told me to drink more water & eat more protein to get ready for this impending, 

seriously could be anyway [ahh!] birth.  I wasn't digging the meat and I made Andy some quinoa salad and had been wanting to try this recipe.  These came out pretty decently although I have gotten tips to use a little more Peanut Butter or Maple Syrup which I definitely recommend.  These could be vegan too if you get vegan chocolate chips and peanut butter?  Is peanut butter already vegan?  Hmm.

Peanut Butter Quinoa Cookies

2 cups cooked Quinoa

1/2 cup Peanut Butter [I used smooth]

3 tbs. Pure Maple Syrup

3/4 cup rolled Oats

1/2 cup chocolate chips

[1] In a bowl mix together all ingredients until throughly combined.

[2] Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

[3] If you want chocolate-y looking cookies mix chocolate chips in while quinoa is warm,

mine are more studded with chocolate chips cause I used cold quinoa.  Either way is fine and tasty.

[4] Using a tablespoon pack the tablespoon tightly and drop cookies onto parchment paper. 

You can put these cookies as close as you want to each other, they won't spread at all. 

[5] Bake for 20 minutes and enjoy! We ate a whole pan of these in one day. Oops. 

The Big 5-0! [60 Second Maple Brussel Sprouts]

I can't believe it!

This is already my 50th post. 

My brain is just all over the place right now that I don't even know where to begin or what to say.

  Life has been incredibly hectic lately.  I'm 37 weeks pregnant now, back in college for the first time in 8 years with my first test fast approaching.

I'm doula-ing for 2 Moms, one in the hospital right now actually and 1 being induced in the morning.

Last night I woke up at 3am drove to Mililani to pick up my friend and took her to Kaiser because her husband couldn't be there until later.  When us two VERY pregnant ladies walked into the ER I think the security guard had a mini panic attack. 

Friday, my Dad & Stepmom leave for Alaska and we will be baby-sitting my 7 younger brothers and sisters for 10 days.  Besides all that throw in Christmas Choir, home schooling co-ops, Healthy Marriages mentor program training, 3 kids and the list goes on.

Thank God for my husband.

Without him I would lose my shit daily instead of weekly. ;)

Although this blog doesn't seem to be headed this way I guess what I am TRYING to say is that I am grateful.  I am joyful.  At this point I don't know if I can say I'm too blessed to be stressed but I know it should be true.

And I am amazed.  I always read stories in the Bible or was told by Grandmothers & Sunday School teachers that "God answers prayers."  Sure he does.  Just not mine, right?

I realize this already isn't a Christian way of thinking, but I never said I was perfect.

I am human, I doubt, I don't trust, even in my God.  

Every night and day I would write in my prayer journal or say prayers with Andy regarding Tulip's birth.  I really didn't want to birth in a hospital this time, I got my hippie heart set on a home birth but of course since insurance wouldn't cover it it just didn't seem likely.  It bothered me, I didn't know what to do and honestly we couldn't really do anything but pray.  For God to show us what is right for our family.  And even at 36 weeks I wasn't really panicking that really, we had nothing figured out.

Then one of the Moms I met at the Birth Rally last week messaged me.  She told me I should message a midwife in Makaha who ran a birthing home.  So I did.  And God answered our prayers.

I met with her for the first time last week and she was just so kind and open to us.  She literally JUST opened her birth home a few weeks ago after moving from San Francisco.  Bay area represent!

If all goes well I will be the first person to deliver there.  She's already teaching me a little midwife stuff and finally at 37 weeks pregnant I feel ready for this little girl!

[The Turtle Cove behind my Midwife's house that I get to labor at.]

So now I get to be one of those people that walks around and says "God answers prayers" 

and even better, I actually believe it. <3

And now for food!  

Brussel Sprouts are one of my favorite veggies and my Midwife even told me I needed to eat more! 

So I'm trying.  It helps when I cook yummy things and even better if they're fast, easy, & tasty.

60 Second Maple Brussel Sprouts

Brussel Sprouts

Maple Syrup

Salt 

Pepper

Olive Oil

[1] Cut the stems off your brussel sprouts and thinly slice.

[2] In a pan over medium high heat, add olive oil.

[3] Add your brussel sprouts and season with salt & pepper to taste.

[4] Cook about 60 seconds until sprouts are just wilted and soft.  

[5] Add 1 tbs. of Maple Syrup and done!

This is a super easy recipe to adjust bigger or smaller, that's why I didn't do too many measurements.

I only made about 1/2 lb. so I added less than a tbs. of Maple Syrup.  

Like anything in cooking, taste as you go! 

When you know better, you do better. [Pumpkin Angel Food Cake w/Salted Caramel Glaze]

I am officially tired.  I feel horrible for even saying this but I am so done with this pregnancy.

Part of me is trying to cherish every last part, to remind myself this is PROBABLY my last baby and enjoy all the wonderful things that come with being pregnant.  Feeling her kick, how womanly I feel, getting away with wearing a bikini when there is no way in hell I would wear one otherwise.

[36 weeks, last Saturday at Haliewa Alii Beach Park]

But I'm just so tired.  My back hurts, my stomach feels stretched beyond belief.  I can't keep up with school, WIC appts., cleaning, and now a pissed off toddler with a sprained wrist.  I just want to cry most days, and take a nap.   Thank God for my wonderful husband who would let me do just that if I just asked, but alas Mommy guilt just won't let that happen.

Yesterday the family celebrated Labor Day by attending a birth rally in Waikiki.  The family that protests together, stays together right?  Just kidding.....it wasn't a protest just a call for health care to support evidence based maternity care instead of care based off of opinions and basically just the way "they've always done it." [If you want to know more check out www.improvingbirth.org] We had a great time getting to meet some awesome people in the birthing community here on Oahu.  I got to talk to other women about encapsulating my placenta, home birth, and ring slings without anyone batting an eyelash. 

National Rally for Change at Kapiolani Park

Lily might have gotten TOO into it.  She was shouting "Eat your placenta!" at cars while they drove by and when the cops came to check our permits she told Andy, "I would never talk to cops!"  Not quite sure where that anti-authority attitude came from....well maybe I can guess.   We did a prayer at the end saying what we were grateful for and I am really just grateful that my daughters will grow up not being afraid of childbirth, knowing pregnancy is a beautiful, natural and healthy thing.  Not an illness. 

Which is what I keep trying to remind myself.  

36 weeks + 3 days and it will all be over soon and I won't even know where the time went.

Although hopefully these weird pregnancy dreams will stop, I dreamt last night that I gave birth easily at home, baby's feet first [not likely.] But then I found out the baby was a boy and I was pretty pissed off about it and wouldn't even pick a name for him. 

 So I told Andy we better pick out a boy's name too just in case.  I hope I wouldn't be quite so melodramatic if that were to happen but when I told Andy this he was not so convinced.  Hmm. 

[Feels like it.]

Again this is one of the blogs spiraling into nowhere.  My Mommy brain feels like mush. 

Soon, soon this little girl will make her entrance and I'll remember what I knew all along.

It is worth it. <3

Side note:  Super excited, Fall is here!

Well pretty much as "here" as it's going to get.  It's still hot, there's no way I'm getting to wear any kind of scarf or Ugg boots but Hey, the Fall flavors are back at Starbucks and I'll take what I can get.

Along with my beloved Salted Caramel Mocha I'm definitely getting in the pumpkin mood!

Made mini Pumpkin muffins the other day and still had enough left for another recipe, so Pumpkin Angel Food Cake with Salted Caramel Glaze it is!

Next month is pumpkin patches, costumes && FOUR adorable kids to dress up!

I can't wait. 

Pumpkin Angel Food Cake

w/Salted Caramel Glaze

Pumpkin Angel Food Cake:

1 box Angel Food Cake mix

3/4 cup pureed pumpkin

1 1/2 tsp. Pumpkin Pie Spice

1 tbs. flour

1 cup water

[1] Put oven rack on lowest setting & preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

[2] In an electric mixer beat all ingredients together.

[3] Pour into an ungreased Angel Food cake [tube] pan.

[4] Bake for about 45 minutes until top is nice and brown.

[5] Let cool for 15 minutes then turn upside down onto a glass bottle and finish cooling for 2 hours.

Salted Caramel Glaze:

1/4 cup butter

1/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup heavy cream

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. sea salt

[1] In a small sauce pan melt butter and both sugars together.

[2] Whisk constantly while it comes to a boil and let cook for 2 minutes.

[3] Add heavy cream, continue whisking, cook for another 1 minute.

[4] Turn off heat and add cinnamon and salt.

[5] Let cool completely before pouring over cake.  

Attention Please! [Home-Made Play-Doh]

Oh the brain, you tricky thing.  I just completed my 2nd [out of 16] week back in school.  

Yeay!  Right now, even tho my class is Human Development, we're learning a lot of basic Psychology stuff because obviously all these things are intertwined.  It's slightly stressing me out cause when I took Psych 100 like 7 years ago, I failed it. 

But I'm starting to believe that in some people's cases, hopefully mine, the older you get the wiser you get and this time around Psychology is actually starting to make a little sense! 

Right now we're learning about the brain and ATTENTION.  It might not surprise you, and I don't know why it surprised me but our attention is like a pie, it can't get any bigger than what it is it can only be divided in different ways.

When my teacher was explaining this he talked about multi-taskers, of which I definitely am one, and about how they think they are so great that they can do all these things at once when really you're not giving any one thing your full attention.  I was offended.  Multi-tasking has always been one of my greatest abilities.  As a mother I have stopped children from falling off tables, while sweeping the kitchen & talking on my phone.  That's a skill right?

But where I thought I saw strength I'm starting to see weakness.  Andy brought up with me the other day that it seemed like the kids always stress me out, this is true, they do.  That doesn't mean I don't love them, cherish them, would give my life to them but oh, do they stress me out.  Andy is the nurturer in our family, as much as you would expect it to be Mom, Andy is the one.  He can sit on the couch and snuggle with them all day.  Watch Pete's Dragon without getting up or looking at his phone ONCE.  He can read with them, do math lessons, teach them to make Top Ramen.  All this is done with patience, kindness and no yelling involved.

Does this make him a better parent than me?  I really hope not.  It was something we both had to come to understand, I love my family differently.  I love them by running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  By starting a load of laundry, making a grocery list, helping Lily with a worksheet, setting up a play date & yelling at Oliver to stop biting his brother at the same time.  This is how I function.  To me there are just not enough hours in the day to pause, to sit down at the table while the kids are eating lunch, there are dishes to wash, children to tame & muffins to bake at the same time.  But it saddened me to think that my husband could look at me and think my children just stress me out. 

As much as I hate to admit I may need to change as a Mother, I understand.  I see how much he loves  being with his kids, watching them ride bikes, and talking to them that I want to be like that too.  The house will never be clean.  The laundry will never be done.  Oliver will never stop terrorizing everyone.  So, I'm trying.  This is a semi-new revelation so don't expect too much of me as of yet!  

But I'm trying, if anything to be aware, to know when I'm doing too much and making the conscious decision that maybe my kids as people come first and not their next meal, or a made bed, or a certain Kitty towel freshly washed.  

So I've been trying.  To slow down.  To focus.  When I'm older will I be happy all the attention I gave to the things that dirtied themselves again, or will I be happy to know I sat with my daughters and painted their nails?  

I cooked lunch WITH Lily today instead of telling her to just "Let me hurry up and do it myself." 

 I still cleaned the kitchen while we made Play-Doh tonight but hey.....baby steps right?  

Home-Made Play-Doh

1 1/2 cups AP Flour

1 1/2 cups water

1 tbs. Vegetable Oil

1/2 tbs. Cream of Tartar

3/4 cup Iodized Salt

Food Coloring [any kind]

[1] In a medium saucepan mix together all the ingredients, any order is fine & make it any color you want!  Although I will warn you making a pretty Violet is doomed to begin with.

[2] Place saucepan on medium low heat.  Using a wooden spoon stir constantly.

[3] The "batter" will start to dry up and become a ball, this can take a few minutes.  About 5 or so.  Just keep stirring and watch the consistency.

[4] When it's starting to look like Play-Doh take it off the heat and turn it out onto a table to cool for a bit.  

[5] When it's cool enough to handle, I just start right away because I have asbestos hands, knead it like dough till it forms a smooth consistency.  Play on! 

[6] Store in Ziploc bags or containers.  Not sure how long it will last since ours magically disappears somewhere before the 2 week mark.